I see you. I hear you. I love you. You are important.

Maliana ~

As I look back at the notes I made from this past week, I realize somewhat of a theme that has emerged. It involves my overwhelming hope to create moments and messages that you will remember and take with you as you grow up. On several different occasions this week, I've tried to really make it a point to kneel down and look right into your eyes as you talked to me, whether it was sharing a story about your day, telling me about something that you are passionate about (at the moment this usually involves dinosaurs or race cars), or situations that happened with friends that were difficult or really funny for you. Whatever you are wanting to communicate with me, I want you to feel heard. I've even begun randomly to take your face in my hands at moments when I'm moved to do so and tell you, "I see you. I hear you. I love you. You are important." The first time I did this was as we were leaving a restaurant one night. Your reaction? A completely lit up face that you turned up to me with lips pursed (waiting for a kiss). Which made me realize that you definitely "get" what I am trying to do and it had an impact. What (I think) your little face showed me in that moment is precisely what I hope you will remember from your childhood. I hope that feeling (of being loved unconditionally) and those words of acknowledgment (that you matter) will become your inner voice. I know it could be a tall order. After all, this whole parenting thing is bound to be fraught with mistakes and things I wish I could take back. It typically is for every parent that cares. I don't know anyone whose done it perfectly. But I sure hope that this is one thing that I can keep doing right (more times than not anyway). I just want you to know that you matter. All the time. No matter what happens. You matter. Period.

Another thing I want you to remember is the kind of person your Daddy is. There are a million examples that I can use to demonstrate what a kind human being Daddy is, however on this particular week I have a very small but specific example. Over the summer, if you remember, we grew some gigantic sunflowers in our garden. Once summer was over, we ended up bringing their heads into the garage to dry them out so we could pluck their seeds and eat them. We hadn't gotten around to doing so just yet, however we recently noticed that "someone" had done it for us and plucked nearly all of the huge heads clean of seeds. It's probably a mouse (or some other tiny critter) who has found shelter in our nice warm garage for the winter. Well, Daddy went to put on his winter boots that have been sitting in the garage for a few months now and lo and behold, one entire boot was nearly full of sunflower seeds that had been carefully stashed there by our mysterious little roommate. Daddy chuckled and proceeded to empty the seeds so he could use his boots, but the really telling part comes when Daddy was done with his boots. He took them off and carefully placed every single seed back in the boot, just as he had found it, so our little buddy didn't go hungry this winter. And that my dear, is just one way to show what a kind heart your Daddy has. Mahatma Ghandi once said, "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." I would say that this goes for not only nations but individuals as well. Definitely try not to waste your time with anyone who cannot show these small kindnesses. In my opinion it's a telltale sign of the caliber of person they are and likely shows you how they will end up treating you someday. Daddy is a good egg. It's one of the many reasons I married him. So, find yourself a good egg too kiddo. They're out there. Trust me.

And speaking of good eggs, Audrey Ayi came over one night to visit and have dinner with us. She had brought some frames and canvases over for her upcoming art show and she was teaching you how to build the frames and stretch the canvases for them. As I finished the pot roast, I listened to the two of you. You both were chatting back and forth, with her answering all of your questions and really showing you how and why she was doing this or that. It was truly a joint effort/learning experience. I'm so thankful that you have adults around like Audrey who understand that every single interaction with a child is a learning experience, whether it looks like one or not. You kids are sponges. Of course, the entire night was not all absorption of information...we also had a glow stick dance party after dinner. Now, that was just pure fun. Ha.

Teamwork..."Staple gun ~ yes ma'am! Hammer ~ yes ma'am!"

And speaking of other incidents of "pure fun"...you re-discovered some rather strange action figures lately and have taken to playing with my Corkscrew Bill (Clinton) wine opener and my Hillary Clinton nutcracker. Yes, rather unconventional toys, but fun nonetheless.

We also took advantage of a few unseasonably warm days this week and took Abby for walks after dark. As we got ready to hit the sidewalk, Daddy remarked on how cute you looked in your hoodie and head lamp/Spy Gear light goggles by saying, "You are something else kid" to which you replied "Just like you Dad!" Ha. Seriously. You are something else.

I'm sure the neighbors were wondering...

And speaking of characters, we decided to go out to get the supplies to make your birthday cupcakes after school one day and happened to find the most perfect gift for Daddy while we were out.

yes, your Daddy is a good egg...and at times,
a STINKY one!

Friday you were very motivated and got yourself up early so that you had time to go to McDonald's before school. Daddy was impressed (and relieved to not have to wake the "sleeping bear" that you can sometimes be in the mornings).

Friday night we went to Uncle Blaize's second play. He had a much larger role this time and did a fantastic job! You were a bit tired and squirmy, so we left at intermission after Blaize's sketch was over, but not before Wai Gong had loaded you up with candy for the ride home.

Saturday morning we woke up early to go to your dance class, drove all the way there, and realized it was not scheduled that morning. Poop. However, we made lemons into lemonade and went to a "free family movie" that they host at Easton and then of course played a few games at KDB before going home. You randomly began skipping through the mall, (a sign that you are happy), so I'd say it was a successful morning despite our schedule mix-up.

By Saturday evening you reached a bit of a milestone in "big kid territory". Daddy and I have been encouraging chores for a while. We've waited and waited for you to become interested in earning your own money and thus, learning the concept of saving and spending wisely. Slowly but surely, you have been taking the bait a bit more, earning a quarter at a time for various chores or responsibilities. Finally, this week, your chore jar accumulated a total of $5, enough to go to your newest favorite store, Five Below, and buy anything there. So...Daddy took you over and purse in hand, you marched in and made your purchase (a Cars toy you've had your eye on). You were so proud of your accomplishment. And so it begins...

By Sunday, the warmer weather was gone and more snow had arrived throughout the weekend. This time we took advantage of the colder weather and Lao Lao, you and I went for a winter hike at Chestnut Ridge Metro Park. One funny little tidbit as I looked up where the hike was going to be was stumbling on a picture of you (from last year's Metro Park Winter Hikes series) on their web-page this year! Pretty cool stuff.

there you are...as one of my friends put it on Facebook,
"she looks like an old soul on a quest"

ready to go into the woods

first rest break

Mom's a sucker...free ride!

love that grin!

checking out what the naturalists brought

racing to Mom

catching snowflakes on your tongues

my most favorite smile in the world

So, to recap one more time before I sign off. Lest it slip your mind.
I see you. I hear you. I love you. You are important.

Love,
Mama

Dinosaurs and Back to School

Maliana ~

It was both Martin Luther King Jr. and President Obama's 2nd Inauguration Day on Monday. Very cold too. So while we weren't spending our time visiting Uncle Joe, Aunt Tina, Sam and Erin, we were holed up at home under warm blankets and in jammies, reading and watching TV. I particularly loved the moment, with each of us on our own separate couches, when you came over to my couch, crawled up into my arms and layed with me for a while, simply for the purpose of being close together and getting a snuggle in before resuming our own activities. It was so sweet and innocent. I love these long weekends and cozy winter days.

I headed back to work on Tuesday while Daddy held down the fort at home. You went to breakfast with Memaw and Papaw and enjoyed yourself over pancakes, then relaxed the rest of the day. I got home and you were bathed and well rested...and I noticed once again that I love your "new" laugh. Since your surgery, your voice is less stressed sounding, likely due to the requirement for you to be a bit more gentle with your throat and vocal cords, but possibly because you are able to produce more distinct sounds with much less effort than before. Your laugh is so cute...with a super silly and almost melodious quality, like the kind of angelic giggles that you hear on soundtracks in music and movies when they want it to sound like the quintessential voice of children's unbridled, in-the-moment kind of joy. Not to say that your laugh before surgery was not amazingly spectacular and beloved and my favorite sound in the whole wide world too...but it's equally amazing and captivating to watch and listen to this new development in your life and how you sound. I love it all!

Besides, it took me 37 years to rediscover and realize the strength of my voice and what a powerful tool and asset it is in this great big world...so please promise me you will take care of yours. Don't be afraid of it, but rather embrace it. Try to remember how valuable it is, in spite of some who may try to diminish it. And most of all, treasure and enjoy it! You will have so many important ways you can use it for good in your life and in the lives of others. Don't ever lose it.

As for using your voice for good...you got off to a good start by leaving some messages for your other grandparents (Memaw Lisa, Wai Gong, and Lao Lao) and I LOVE hearing your tiny little voice sending little tidbits of appreciation or "thinking of you" messages for them...your articulation has gotten so much better in just over a week since surgery. It's truly remarkable! And while your articulation has gotten a lot better, you still have your cute little Mali-isms. For example, when Lao Lao stopped by to visit on her way home from work, you kicked me out of your room saying that you were having a "medium" (aka meeting) with her. Ha ha.

By Wednesday, Daddy could take the night off. We used our extra time together to take care of something we've needed to do for a while. On Christmas day 2011, Daddy gifted me with a smart phone. This week, 394 days later, I finally activated it. Do you want to know the reason I waited so long? Because I can't stand to have to wait around for the snail's pace customer service at Verizon. And tonight, just like I foresaw, all of us had to wait around for what seemed like FOREVER. But you know what, I have to give you major props as I tell this story, and here's why. In the two plus hours we were stuck there, you never once whined, made a mess, sassed anyone, got into anything you weren't supposed to, fussed, cried, or did anything else remotely showing any inkling of impatience that a typical 4 year old would do in a really boring situation. I complimented you on the way out saying, "Mali, you are a rock star of patience...I am so proud of you!" and proceeded to share with you all the things you did that we appreciated while waiting in the store with us. Sometimes I forget that you are not even 5 yet since you carry yourself so much more maturely than some adults I know (myself included!) Way to go monkey! We are so thankful for you...how did we get so lucky?

Thursday Daddy had to go back to work so Memaw and Papaw came over to hang with you. You accompanied them to Memaw's dermatologist and evidently took notes with a pencil and paper (just like Memaw does for Daddy sometimes) as the doctor talked to her about how to remove her wart. At the end, you said, "Memaw, you need to take care of your wart...and stop touching frogs!" No idea but I have a feeling that Memaw was probably filling you in on the old wives' tale about how one gets warts. Ha.

With you staying home and able to sleep in during the week, you've been going to bed late, even after me some nights (since I hit the sack pretty early to be at work by 6am). On one particular night, you softly came in the bedroom, rubbed my shoulder to wake me up a bit and let me know that you were going downstairs with Daddy. In case I needed you, I would know where to find you. You then gave me a goodnight kiss, tucked me in, and gave Abby a goodnight kiss on the way out the door. You are such a sweetheart.

By Friday, Papaw came over to watch you in the morning until I could get home early from work. Once I was home, you and I hit the road to get down to the Discover the Dinosaurs exhibit at the convention center. Originally I had an outfit all picked out for you, but you insisted on your own choices, complete with your newest fashion statement...

one green and one white Converse!

We eventually made it to our destination and it took you a bit to warm up to it, but once you did there was no stopping you! You loved the numerous bouncey houses we (yes, you made me cram my huge body through all of them too) climbed into, exclaiming "Radical!" at one point as you slid down the slide. You also fell in love with the dinosaur mascot that was walking around the exhibit, so much so that if I were to use the term "stalking" to describe your behavior, I wouldn't be that far off! And all of that Dinosaur Train that you watch on the Ipad is paying off to some degree because not only did you correct my mis-pronunciation of "ornithomimus", but you also used the term "carion" at dinner that night when we were discussing the chicken. Man...you pay attention to EVERYthing! I love it.

ahh...fun with the green screen. I was impressed
that you look genuinely scared!

we found Alvin Allosaurus!

and Laura Giganotosaurus!

Trudy Triceratops!

your buddy, as you kept calling him

dino dig

and you found him again

the really nice guy who got you all set up to
mine for gems and fossils

 

this was so cool! (of course, never mind the old IV tape
that you are refusing to let us remove from your arm)

pretty good haul, kid!

After the dinosaur show, we drove to Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse for Uncle Flint's birthday. It was nice to see everyone and as usual, you had a ball. The chefs at these steakhouses are quite entertaining and I am delighted to see you understanding a lot of the subtle jokes that our chef was throwing out to us all night. You are growing up so fast!

Uncle Forge (and Lily), Alan and Enay Wanda, Uncle Flint
(and Monica), Lao Lao, Papaw Rick, and us

Papaw Rick smiling at you as you
laughed at him in his balloon hat

Papaw Rick made a hand-blown glass pumpkin and
gave it to you at dinner...pretty cool

Saturday morning we woke up late, letting you get some much needed rest, then I wrote your name in pancakes (per your request) for breakfast. We got quite a bit of snow the day before and so we all headed outside to take Abby for a romp on the trail and through the woods near our house. By the time we got home we were all pretty cold but there is definitely nothing like getting outside and breathing that fresh air. And there's also nothing like coming in from an afternoon like that and eating some hot grilled cheese sandwiches with a bowl of steaming tomato soup.

As for the rest of the weekend, here's a quick funny from our lazy Sunday...my Facebook status:
~ so Mali is wanting to help me clip coupons and I tell her that she can use my scissors and "go to town" on the coupons when I'm finished...her reply? "Yay! We're going to the town!!"



Not a ton to tell about Sunday. I got to go to a yoga class with Aunt Tina while you went to KDB at Easton with Daddy where you both played games and racked up your ticket total to make it a whopping 1,000! You are saving up for something big and I am so proud of you for recognizing that in order to get what you really want, you need to hold off on the purchase and keep saving a little while longer. I'm pretty sure that most four year olds would not understand the concept of delayed gratification as much as you already do. Heck, I know a lot of adults who still struggle with it more than you!

Sunday evening Natalia came over to play with you while Daddy and I went to a movie with Aunt Tina and Uncle Joe. We came home to a very happy kiddo who told me you played lots of things, including "pretending to be grown ups" (wonder what that entailed?) You love your Lali time! So thankful for such a sweet and responsible kid, who is willing to babysit at the drop of a hat, right next door. We're very lucky.

By bedtime, I was starting to get a little nervous for you, having to go back to school after a whole two weeks off. By Monday morning though, the texts from Daddy showed me I had nothing to worry about...I love your class and teachers!

Daddy said this was right after a big group hug for you!
everyone was so happy to have you back in class
and anxious to hear about your surgery

When Daddy came back to pick you up, you didn't want to leave and had been sitting and shooting the breeze with the director of the agency in her office. Just hanging out. You are such a little adult. So happy you love school so much.

Monday we rounded out the night enjoying an unseasonably warm evening by taking Abby for a walk and with you using your "light eyes" from the Spy Gear you got for Christmas. I loved listening to you tell me about your day as we walked hand in hand along the quiet street. And I giggled every time I'd look at you in this get-up...ha.

you were examining everything on the ground
with the magnification lens...so funny

Love,
Mama

Sigh of Relief...Surgery is Done! (We have the best village ever!!!)

Maliana ~

Nothing like jumping into something you've been dreading for a long time, first thing in the morning. Ok, so it wasn't FIRST thing in the morning, but it was on a Monday nonetheless. The first thing you did do that morning was ask me to play "surgery" with you on your baby Mickey doll, so we went through it all step by step (me as the nurse and you as the doctor), complete with an IV pole and everything. You even remembered riding in the wagon at the hospital (which happened two years ago!) To your credit, you were very informed about what was going to happen and were taking it fairly well and in stride. Later in the morning, Audrey and Lao Lao came over and played with you while we got last minute stuff together. It was so nice to have a miniature support net even before leaving the house!

Lao Lao brought you the whole series of Walter the Farting Dog books,
complete with the actual farting dog toy...awesome.

After arriving at the hospital, we waited in the pre-surgery waiting room and in the quiet moments in between frantically prepping you, you quietly squeezed my hand three times, our non-verbal way of saying "I love you" to each other. My heart just melted. We met our first of a ton of wonderful nurses during this hospital stay, who let you take, not one, but two toys before going into surgery. One of them she shoved into my hands, saying, "We'll have Mommy smuggle this one for you too" and it happened to be a sparkly dolphin, which I took as a good luck omen since just last week Annie from our Chinese dinner had presented you with a glass sculpture of dolphins for good luck.

After waiting a bit, the next hurdle was getting you into the operating room. Handing you over (or more like peeling you off of me) to the nurses when it was time to actually go into the O.R. was extremely difficult. Listening to you sob as they walked you down the long corridor was heartbreaking. Even after taking Versed, you were still completely distraught. I don't think any amount of drugs can make that easier. After shedding a lot of tears with Daddy, we headed into the waiting room and sat with Audrey, Lao Lao, Memaw, and Papaw. Let me tell you, it was the most relaxing and (dare I say?) fun surgery waits I have had in a long time. We knew you were in excellent hands (the doctors and nurses at Children's are PHENOMENAL) so we figured we'd make the best of it. Not to mention the tons of calls, texts, emails, and messages we had been sent from our friends and family members all morning (and even in previous days) leading up to the surgery. I so love our little village...we are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives sharing smiles, laughs, hugs, tears, wisdom, comfort, and just lending their presence. I don't know what I'd do without these awesome people.

After about an hour and a half, Dr. Pearson came out and said everything went perfectly and we all breathed a sigh of relief. I finally felt able to take a full breath, the first I've been able to since all of my anxiety began building a few weeks ago. Eventually we got to go upstairs and met you in your assigned room where you looked so tiny in the big bed. You were still very sedated, and so we all crowded into your room and continued to joke and laugh. Although you weren't very responsive to much, Daddy asked you at one point, "Are they being crazy?" to which you surprised us all with a nod of your head. Evidently, you were still aware and taking it all in, even though you were so sedated that you could barely open your eyes all the way. You are such a trooper. I am so proud of your strength and courage, amazed at you every day.

poor sedated baby

 

yay! so relieved you are done!

And speaking of troopers, I would be remiss if I did not give a huge shout out to the nurses at Children's Hospital. Woot Woot! You ladies and gentlemen rock! They constantly amaze me at how patient and friendly they are...we are so lucky to live so close to such a top notch facility as our Children's Hospital.

 

And speaking of top notch, another huge shout out to your Lao Lao. She took the day off again on Tuesday and headed back down to the hospital to hang out, provide support, and bring you another toy (a super cool dinosaur "operation" game!) to occupy the time you were stuck in bed recovering. It all made me think about how, as parents, we desperately try to do whatever we can to "make it all better" for our children. As you kids get older, this task gets a lot more complicated and difficult, even feeling impossible at times to comfort you in meaningful ways. Watching Lao Lao maintain a silent (and often silly) vigil and provide a peaceful presence during our time at the hospital, I realized that as parents, the how we "make it all better" may change, but it's actually never an impossible task to make a difference. We parents may not be able to take away all of the pain or anxiety or fear over something...but just by showing up and being present can make a huge difference in how our kids (and any loved ones) experience life. Never underestimate the power of simply "showing up"...you may feel small but you can move mountains by just being there for someone. As for Lao Lao, I can't begin to express how grateful we are to have such support. I recognize how hard it can be to change schedules around to "show up" for us all like she did...so thank you Lao Lao....thank you, thank you, thank you. Your love and presence does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

 

While still at the hospital, Lao Lao helped us shuffle you down to the playroom, IV pole and all, just trying to get you up and out of your room for a bit. By the time we took this venture you were pretty tired of being poked and prodded. At one point you got tired of the three of us goofy adults and yanked the IV pole away from us, scooting yourself down the hall on your own and steering your IV contraption pretty darn well even though you were only about a third of its height. I laughed a bit but it didn't surprise me much...my tough little fighter. I also giggled again when Lao Lao first got to the hospital and as she asked, "Mali, how are you feeling?" you replied, "Good, how's Audrey?" So cute. In the middle of all of this...you were still concerned about others.

 

Late on Tuesday, the doctor made some last rounds and "sprung" you around 6pm which surprised us all. As nice as the new hospital and its staff was, we were SO happy to get out of there. Audrey was at home when we got there, having taken care of Abby while we were away, and she stayed there to hang out with us before going home. As I took care of some stuff in the kitchen, I loved hearing you play with Audrey on the floor, safe and sound from the surgery I had been dreading, and home where you belong.

you made the nurse take Baby Mickey's vitals too

in the playroom

 

IV pole rodeo

 

back to normal...home where you belong

Our first official day at home we were surprised by a delivery of balloons from Wai Gong, Memaw Lisa, Uncle Blaize, and Reuben. We spent most of the day relaxing and enjoying being in our own house, and then in early evening I bundled us up and we took Abby for a walk. As the sky changed to brilliant pinks and purples, I pointed it out to you and you exclaimed "Holy crap!" While your choice of words may need some tweaking, I love your healthy appreciation for the beauty of nature.

thank you Wai Gong, Memaw Lisa,
and Uncle Blaize!

 

the "holy crap!" invoking sunset

We also painted a birdhouse that day, excitedly unveiling it to Daddy with a countdown (and just when we had agreed on counting down from 3, you whispered to me, "I can count to 20!" to which I replied, "I think 3 is sufficient"). Ha ha.

Although there have been lots of struggles through all of this, I love the many other positive things I have witnessed in you during this stressful time...like all on your own saying lots of "pleases", "thank yous", and "no thank yous" to the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I did have to laugh though as the nurses would come in to take your vitals or give you your medicine and you would calmly tell them, "no thank you"...as if you had a choice. And taking medicine at home is still a challenge but now you are less inclined to kick or scream and more inclined to calmly inform us, "Well, that's not really my favorite". You are just so precious.

I headed back to work for a partial day on Friday, while you and Daddy stayed home and hit the town at Easton playing video games and having a lunch date at KDB, then sharing an ice cream cone at Graeter's. Daddy sent me the below picture of you with the caption..."She is one mean pinball player!"

taking no prisoners

Your stamina is still a bit lower though, so by the time I got home you were pretty pooped and ended up sleeping on me for an hour. As I sat there, (getting roasted like an oven from your hot little body draped over me, as well as listening to your newly developed snores that make you sound like a cross between a bulldog and Snuffalupagus), I couldn't help but think that someday (probably sooner than I'm willing to admit) you will be too big to comfortably fit on my lap. I ignored any traces of discomfort I felt in the moment and just soaked you in, memorizing the way your head smelled or how the weight of your body felt on me. How fast these days will be gone. Once you woke up, I enjoyed listening to your new voice, (a bit higher pitched and tinier now since you are not using as much of your throat to articulate or project your speech), while we played a mix of Candyland/race cars/construction vehicles (your own personal concoction of a game) and then Cooties. I just love spending this time with you.

While it's been a bit rough since being home from the hospital and the lack of a normal schedule or a good night's sleep has made us all a bit cranky, you definitely haven't lost a bit of your wit as you can see from my Facebook status on Saturday:
~ Mali was asking me why she had a hole in her palate to which I replied that it's just the way she was born, kind of like how I was born with brown eyes and brown hair...to which she replied, "and a tiny butt!"....Ahhh...God Bless this kid :) Nothing like a compliment from your almost 5 year old to start your day right! Ha.

Saturday afternoon your teacher Ms. Beth came to visit and brought you some gifts, including "get well" cards from your entire class. She also told us that on the Friday before your surgery she had you get up during circle time and share with the class about your upcoming surgery. She said that by the time Monday rolled around, all of your friends were so excited to make you cards to help you feel better. I love that something that could have been so scary was turned into a learning opportunity and something interesting, as well as a source from which to draw support from your own little village at school. I also love that you have a teacher that cares about you and considers you important enough to come visit you, even on her day off. In my opinion, a child can never have too many people that care about him or her...and trust me, you have no shortage. We are so very fortunate.

Ms. Beth is here!

 

homemade "get well" cards from your classmates

Not only did you receive cards from all of your classmates, but also some handmade cards from your friends Carter and Cassidy, and another card from Mia and her family. It's so nice to know that we have such thoughtful people in our lives. Knowing how wonderful it has made us feel, it's also a great reminder of how thoughtful we need to strive to be for others as well.

Sunday was family day and we spent much of it at COSI. You were so tired after having another rough night of interrupted sleep, but tried your best to rally and ended up having fun.

redirecting water in the Ocean section at COSI

 

look at that exertion...working the air cannon pulley

 

learning about magnets and conduction at one
of their Science A La Carts

 

you love your toolbelts

 

going to be an engineer someday?

 

loving the train set

 

on our way home...COSI trip a success!

After COSI, you were so tired, but fought showing any signs of fatigue harder than any soldier in the heat of battle. We played horsey, race cars, hospital, and even put on a guerilla style puppet show for Daddy before settling in to watch a little TV before bed. All of our schedules are pretty off kilter right now, but thankfully we've got one more week before you must return to school. It may be a long few weeks ahead of us as you adjust your breathing while you sleep, but it's definitely a small price to pay for having a super successful surgery that will bring even more opportunity for you to get closer to clearer speech as you get older. I am so thankful that we can put this behind us and I (all of us really) can move forward with a clear mind again. But what this has taught me, and please remember this in your life as well...anticipation is often the worst part of any challenge...and it's usually never as bad as you think it will be.

Love,
Mama