Our Sweet Angel...Our Ggma

Maliana ~

First of all, forgive me if this entry is a bit scattered. I have no idea about how to begin other than with this...I am numb.

Our beloved Ggma, the rock, the core, the heart and soul of the Hart side of our family, passed away at 3:08am on April 29th, 2013. Daddy and I got the call at around 4am. I was in shock and just went into the kitchen to sit in the dark, unsure what to do. After a while, I tried to lay back down but my mind was racing with thoughts of Ggma and flooded with memories of our lives with her. The only thing that eased my mind was rolling over and snuggling my face into you...my present and the future. I just still can't wrap my brain around the fact that Ggma is gone.

I visited with her at the hospital the night before she died, going home around 7pm, just Wai Gong and I alone in the hospital room. We could both feel her slipping away, in so much pain and refusing to eat or drink. We both could sense what was coming, even though we never said it aloud. We talked, we cried, we reminisced...he shared stories about how he remembered the times when he was sick himself as a kid, with Ggma telling him to lay still on the couch, giving the warning that if he moved she'd swat him. He told how he could still remember the feel of her cool hand on his skin as he lay there sick. How is it that a mother's hand is always just the right temperature to feel like Heaven on her sick child's face and forehead? One of the mysteries of the world, the magic of motherhood I suppose. Most of all, he described how she always sacrificed so much for her children, then her grandchildren, and finally her great grandchildren. All the way until the end, she never missed a birthday. Ever. I have no idea how she did it, that and so much more, other than the fact that she loved us all so much.

goodbye sweet angel

When I got home that night, I was tearfully telling Daddy about my visit. I thought you were playing with your toys, but before I knew it you had run into the bathroom and gotten the box of tissues, making me bend down so you could wipe my eyes and help me blow my nose. It was all very sweet. Little kindnesses like that can go a long way. Just remember that honey...in your life things may happen that make you uncomfortable because you feel like you don't always know the right thing to do or say when someone is in pain. Remember that just being there with them and showing a simple kindness can go so much farther than any words. Never underestimate the gift of just showing up.

With such an Earth shattering event happening right at the end of last week, it was impossible to start from the beginning, so this blog entry will be a bit upside down. Since we found out about the death, Aunt Lindsey and I have gotten to work putting together a photo slideshow set to music on DVD's for everyone...all of Grandma's life. We are still piecing it together, but it is cathartic to look through so many fun memories of time spent with Ggma. What a woman she was. I know where all of us cousins, particularly the women, get our stubborn bull-headed strength. *smile* Our Grandma. Your Ggma.

sleeping in and taking you to school all week...
I've really needed these cuddles to help
me feel better since losing Ggma

The last time you visited Ggma in the hospital was Saturday. By that time, she was fairly incoherent. The entire day was very emotional for us all as it was also the same day that we attended the memorial celebration for your Uncle Dustin. Six years have gone by already since we said our goodbyes to him. We still can't believe that. In fact, Ggma passed away the day before the official anniversary of Dustin's passing. I suppose it could be seen as somewhat poetic in a way. She always was one of his biggest fans so we all like to think they are happily reunited now, smiling down on all of us.

pretending to fart with Uncle Blaize

writing a message to send to Dustin during
the balloon launch

"Dustin I love you"

Aunt Lindsey and her mom with Dustin's square for a
Lifeline of Ohio quilt

oh yum, a crawdad claw thanks to Wai Gong
taking you creeking

In spite of it being a long day for a 5 year old, you did remarkably well. You were so quiet the entire two hours we were in the hospital, ever so careful to be courteous of the other patients, and then having fun with Wai Gong as he took you for elevator rides to keep you occupied. I'm sure those elevator rides helped Wai Gong feel a little better too. It's been so tough for him (and all the kids), to see his mama go through this. I can't even imagine.

While this week had a lot of sadness...I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the happy stuff too. If there was anything that made Ggma smile, it was hearing about her grandbabies and great grandbabies. She took such joy in us all. So here goes...a few pictures and stories to make you smile Ggma.

Celebrating Earth Day by playing outside all evening and then taking a walk with two of my favorite girls in the world...

A story from Daddy on his Facebook account...sure to make you laugh (or gasp!)
~ Ok I have to share this. It happened a few weeks ago. I told Mali to put her bike away one evening and she said no. This went back and forth a couple times until I felt it was time to pick her up and take her to her room for a time out. As I was carrying her this is what she said. "Dad put me down!! Put me down!! Put me down BITCH!!!". God help me.

You little stinker.

And more news as we continued to show our support for Aunt Lori and help put a brave face (and a little humor) on her health struggles...here's what you and I posted for her on Facebook, to lift her spirits and make her smile.

yes, those are underwear

It caught on like wildfire because now she has a gaggle of pictures just like this from other people. Awesome. Pure awesome.

Also, we had our neighbors (Brooklyn and Braycen) over for dinner one night too...and here's my ensuing Facebook status:
~ general rule of thumb...when you've got 3 kids (all 5 and under), dinner that begins as "build your own taco night" will end with your kitchen looking like "what happens when you put an M80 in a taco night"

Ha. Ha. Fun times...fun times. I discovered the magic of sprinkles that night too...if a kid won't try something, throw some sprinkles on it. Instant hit. #kidsaresoeasy.

And with the silliness mixed with the turmoil lately, I've just felt compelled to pause, take a moment, and feel thankful for what IS. Cherish who and what is here with us in this moment. I realize now more than ever that nothing is guaranteed and everything can be so beautiful if you take the time to really SEE it.

One way I paused, and felt thankful for what IS, was on our way to school one morning. Out of the blue, you asked me to sing "Lullaby" and "Never Grow Up" to you as we drove, just like I used to do at bedtime. I almost felt bad as we pulled into school and you had the sleepiest look on your face. Just some more of that magic of motherhood stuff, the way a mother's voice singing to their child can elicit instant sleepiness. I am so grateful that you still enjoy that as much as I do.

After school that same day you had perked up quite a bit by the time I picked you up and we decided to take a walk/bike ride with our neighbors down the big trail and to the playground. You, Brooklyn and Braycen all rode your bikes and made it down the entire trail and back up again on your own. I was so impressed (and excited knowing you'd all sleep like logs that night).

with the bluebells

More hitting golf balls with Daddy this week...still wanting to be just like him. So cute.

putting your gloves on the bag
just like Daddy

Later you went to Easton on another date with Daddy...excited and squealing about my Mother's Day surprise when you got home. You almost spilled the beans...and honestly, I will be surprised if you make it to Mother's Day without giving away your secret. You are so excited. Very, very sweet.

tied your jacket around your waist like Daddy...
when you left for Easton you said,
"let the good times roll!"

Jumping ahead a bit, to the day after Ggma passed away, we were all greeted by a nearly 80 degree day and a sky full of sunshine. I'd like to think it was Ggma and Dustin's way of letting us know that they are ok. After a great lunch with Aunt Lindsey, I picked you up and decided to simply enjoy being alive. We picked up Audrey Ayi (who we haven't seen since her gallery art show opening) and headed to Dairy Queen and then the playground. Feeling the sun on our faces and enjoying a few good laughs was the perfect medicine for me.

mmmm, DQ!

a little playground time at Cherrington

walking Mr. Yang through the dandelions

And you left us with this humdinger to further brighten our day...here's what I couldn't resist putting on Facebook:
~ sitting @ DQ with Mali and Audrey and got hit with this:
Mali - "Mom, my butt hurts"
Me - "Aw. Why does it hurt?"
Mali - "Because I don't wipe!"
Aha, looks like bathtime might be a little earlier tonight.

Oh boy...never a dull moment kiddo.

While I'm sure they are very busy making up for lost time together...I'm also hoping that Ggma and Dustin were cracking up from Heaven at your antics as well.

our two beautiful angels...together again

Love,
Mama

Golf, Bluebird Boxes, and Hospitals

Maliana ~

This week...whew. We've had our share of shining moments and downright in the dumps moments to say the least. There have been some trials for sure (hence, the "hospital" portion of the blog title)...difficult news with some people that we love, but all in all it's been ok so far. Hoping it stays that way too. We'll see. I'll get to all of that in just a minute.

As for you in particular, well...we’ve had our moments. You have decided to continue testing all sorts of boundaries at home. Ahh, the joys of being five. But you always seem to come back and make things right again. For instance, when you had thrown a fit the day before and later came to me (all on your own) and said, “Mom, I won’t throw a fit again. I’m sorry I threw a fit. I will do my best not to tonight, ok?” I just love that little heart of yours. Even in your "worst" moments, you are still the best. Growing up is all about learning...and you are very good at it. 

On the fun side, you’ve been hitting golf balls some more with Daddy this week too. Seeing you copy his every move is hysterical.

gloves in your pockets, just like Daddy

Then one day on the way home from school something very interesting (and comical) happened…here’s my Facebook status that day:

~ evidently one of Mali's friends must have walked in on her parents in a "compromising situation" because on the way home from school today Mali asked me if Daddy and I take our shirts and pants off and kiss too. Oh boy. I was very creative in my response this time (and she bought it) but I see lots of interesting conversations in our future.

That same day, we also let you take your bike down the big trail, for the first time ever. You loved it and felt like a big shot, surprising us all by making it back up what we call “Heartbreak Hill” all on your own. Holy leg muscles Mali!!

awesome feat of endurance kid

On a rough note, you were a bit of a 'Crabby Appleton' at school this week. As we tried to figure out why it was happening, we decided to try putting you to bed a little earlier. Luckily, it seemed to do the trick with your behavior at school, but it also made you wake up a little earlier too. However, as much as I wished you'd get as much sleep as possible, how can I be mad when I get to not only talk to you in the morning, but get tons of hugs and kisses before I have to leave for work? And then another extra bonus was this little conversation one morning:

You: “You will always be in my heart Mom.”

Me: “And you in mine. I love you. Have a wonderful day.”

You: “You too Mom. I love you too.”

How can my day begin any better than that?!

That same  early rising day we also had a bluebird box making class at the local community center with our friends, Mia and Michelle. A park ranger came in and we got to learn all about the different kinds of birds that might visit a bluebird box, how to keep their nests safe from predators (e.g. snakes, raccoons, sparrows), and then you and Mia got to use some tools and build your very own bluebird boxes! You both did great with a hammer and nails and had a lot of fun painting the boxes (even if both of you ended up with latex paint in your hair!).

Handy Manny? No, Handy Mali!

tah dah!!

We were so thankful for Friday when it arrived and celebrated with a visit from a woman I have known as Aunt Lori literally all my life. She used to babysit me when I was even younger than you are now. I always looked up to her as a kid. She used to paint my nails and let me brush her hair, she just spent time with me and I adored her. It was fun to see you interact with her, and after she arrived with a super fun Spiderman toy and sunglasses for you, then talked to you, teased and tickled you, she was definitely A-OK in your book too. Even though we haven’t gotten to see her as much as we’d have liked over the years, I am very thankful for her. She’s just one of those people you can feel comfortable around no matter how much time has passed between visits, who is warm and open to anyone she meets, and really makes people feel special. In fact, she reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “People may not remember what you said or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel”. That’s the kind of person I hope I can learn to be every day, and I’m so thankful that we all have her as a role model.

peek a boo

goofy girls

After Lori left, on a whim I decided to give you a haircut, myself (*gulp*). You have been so upset any time we’ve had to brush your hair lately since it tends to get snarled so easily and I hate brushing your hair because it nearly always ends up with you in tears. It’s awful. So, you and I were more than ready to start snipping…but surprisingly, Daddy was scared to death. He just kept pacing as I got the scissors closer and closer to your hair. Fortunately, he seemed to relax a bit as he saw it was going just fine and when it was all done, the three of us decided we LOVE your new ‘do. It is really cute and you are so happy to have a nice short little bob that is so much easier to brush. No more tears! Yay!

being silly after the haircut...and yes, that
is a bag of hair you are holding. ha.

On Saturday, I had to spend the whole day at a seminar (*yawn*) so Daddy took you to dance class (where you cooperated!) and then you both helped Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina unload a truck with some of Tina’s parents’ belongings from Elyria. You LOVED helping, running up and down the ramp into the truck, and got the biggest kick out of getting to ride in the big truck’s cab as they moved it across the parking lot. You supervised everyone (“A little to the left…now a little to the right”) which I’m sure they all appreciated (*wink wink*) and gave a pretty funny response to Tina when she tried to give you a job of taking all the pans out of a box and counting them for her (“Hmmm…can you do that?” ~ no fooling you into doing a made-up job, ha ha).

yeah, this picture is cute...but google Hannibal
Lector and it just might give you the creeps

riding in style with Uncle Joe

As for Sunday, it can only be described with one word, hospital. Thankfully, the patient was not you...but unfortunately, it’s our beloved Ggma. Monday of this week Ggma was admitted to the hospital for an assortment of symptoms she has been struggling with for the last few months. After all this time, they are still trying to figure out exactly what is wrong with her and how to treat it. I had been down to visit her a couple times earlier in the week, but she had been in so much pain that I figured it wasn’t the best place for you to be until she was feeling better, in spite of you desperately wanting to go see her. Finally by Sunday, she was having an okay enough day that Wai Gong thought we could bring you down. As we drove to the hospital, we explained how sick she was and how it was very important to be well behaved, listen, and only use inside voices while at the hospital. Once we got up to her room, I was so proud of you as you were very quiet and considerate of everyone, even shushing us when you thought we were getting a bit too noisy for Ggma. I am always impressed with your ability to take what we tell you to heart. You are an amazing kid. She had been sleeping when we first arrived, so we decided to go visit with Wai Gong in the waiting area so you could be a bit louder. After a while, Ggma woke up and asked to see us. I was so thankful to see her face brighten more than I’d seen it brighten all week, as soon as she saw you. You kept waving to her in the room, showed her a picture you’d colored for her, and we even showed her the video of you hitting golf balls (since Ggma is a big fan of golf, especially Tiger Woods). I breathed a sigh of relief at how well the visit went, and hoped it was a breath of fresh air for her too. It has been so very hard for Ggma all week and we are all just hoping and praying that they can figure out exactly how to make her feel better very soon. As we left the hospital, you told us that you are going to color her another picture so she can put it on her big desk (where she volunteers) at the hospital. As we talked about that, I realized it was a bit hard for you to understand how Ggma can now be a patient at the same hospital where we have come to visit her while she is working. You are very hopeful that she will be all better and back to work soon. I hope you’re right sweetie. We all really hope you’re right.

finishing up a Chuck the Truck coloring page to give to Ggma
because nothing says "get well soon!" like a dump truck!

Ggma didn't want us to take any pictures of her in the hospital
so I snapped this one of you on Wai Gong's shoulders
while you stopped to listen to a girl play the
piano in the lobby

As we drove home from this hospital visit, we saw another message that Aunt Lori had just been admitted to the hospital that morning as well. We couldn’t believe it. After calling Allie and Marky, we found out what was going on and headed to our second hospital of the day. We are hoping that Aunt Lori's treatment will be much easier than Ggma's seems. I guess time will tell. But once again as we drove home from yet another hospital, the day started feeling more and more surreal. Hopefully, no one else we know will need a hospital anytime soon. And hopefully these beautiful women that we love so dearly, who are now in the hospital, can speedily recover and come home quickly. We hope. We hope. We hope.

We were all pretty exhausted after getting home, so we relaxed until bath time. I gave you a bath and your surprises just kept coming when you put on your own diaper for bed and combed your own hair, all without being asked. You were so excited to show me that you’d done it all by yourself! Just another piece of evidence that you are really growing up. And since you’d been so good all day long, we gave you a little surprise reward too…which came in very handy after bath time. You were diggin’ it!

Iron Man bath poncho!

Love,
Mama

 

Neighbors, Nature, and Family

Maliana ~

Audrey came over on Monday for her first visit in a while since she has been so busy getting ready for her art show. The weather was nice and all of us adults decided to hang around outside while you kids played together. It was great to get some fresh air and enjoy good company.

I can tell you girls are going to be double trouble

I got a root canal on Tuesday and so not only did I need soft foods for dinner (we chose one of our favorites, Noodles and Co.), but I also wanted to get outside and enjoy something beautiful so we headed to Inniswood for a walk which really cheered me up. You got a kick out of attempting to identify wildflowers with me, chasing squirrels down the boardwalk, and piggy back rides.

you love the bouncy bridge

By Friday, you surprised both myself and Ms. Katie and kicked a$$ at speech therapy. You really focused and worked so hard and it has been paying off. I think having your appointments in the morning are actually helping too because you are more fresh and bright-eyed…plus you get the added bonus of extra time with Mom before going to school. Fridays are pretty cool days. On this particular Friday, you also got your “graduation” pictures taken at school. My only question is, when in the world did they start having graduations for everything?! Regardless though, I can’t wait to see them.

Daddy got off early on Friday and surprised you at school (the fun just keeps on coming) and took you to the golf store and then a driving range. He bought you your very own pint-size driver (no putter as you had no interest in putting) and lo and behold, you are a total natural when it comes to golf! Here…follow the link below and check it out for yourself…Daddy and I couldn’t believe it.

Next stop, Pro Tour??

you were less than thrilled to take a picture
of trying on the golf bag

Saturday morning we met Memaw and Papaw for brunch at Bob Evans…

one of the many reasons I love the Wilkinsons comes
through in this picture

Then later that afternoon, Wai Gong and Memaw Lisa came over for a visit. See, Wai Gong had a heart procedure this week (his second cardiac ablation in 2 years). I spent all day at the hospital on Thursday and thankfully all went just fine (nothing to worry about), but you wanted to make something special to help him feel better. I helped you make a giant heart-shaped cookie for him (white chocolate and macadamia nut, one of his favorites). When it was cooled, I asked you what you wanted to write on it. I thought you’d choose his name or “I love you” or something along those lines, but nope, not you. You told me you wanted it to read “I will tickle you”. So, that’s what we wrote. And yes, just after presenting it to him, you tickled him. He was very tickled indeed.

paybacks for all of your tickling

Saturday night we had an impromptu gathering of our neighbors (the Halterman/Georges and the Szwabinskys) to attempt to see the Northern Lights (supposedly they would be visible to us, which is very rare). Unfortunately the conditions weren’t conducive to seeing the gorgeous lights, but they were conducive to sitting around a fire, roasting marshmallows, drinking beer (adults only of course), laughter, and lighting off one of our floating lanterns into the sky.

staying warm while waiting for the Northern Lights

Sunday morning you headed to Gena’s with Daddy while I went running. Then we were visited by a friend, Ann, and her husband Chris, who were passing through town from Pennsylvania. I haven’t seen her in many years, but through the magic of Facebook, we were able to set up a brief visit. She even brought you a couple of tomato plants she’d started (she is an avid gardener) which was very thoughtful of her. It’s about that time to get your garden going again…these tomato plants will be a fun addition.

Later on, Lao Lao stopped by and scooped you up for a date. Of course you chose Easton (shocker, I know). I think the funniest thing about your choice of Easton though is that you both also chose to eat lunch at CPK and while Daddy and I were out enjoying some alone time, we got this text from Lao Lao…

here you are with Jeri, your favorite
server and buddy from CPK

It was a bit chilly still for me, and for some reason I was exhausted and not feeling very well…so while I stayed inside and actually took a nap, you headed outside to play with Brooklyn and Braycen. I love that everyone is finally starting to crawl out of their holes from winter and are out and about in the neighborhood again. If our little neighborhood is good at one thing, it’s hibernating in winter. But, this weekend was the first of a big thaw in more ways than one. Brittany (Brooklyn and Braycen’s mom) even invited you to eat dinner with the kids (which was extremely nice of her…I think we owe her at least 2 or 3 dinners now). We are very lucky to have some really nice neighbors.

chowing with your buddies

hammock time

Ahh…while I am still attempting to crawl out of the funk I’ve fallen into over the last couple of weeks…these small tastes of sunshine and spring-like weather are helping at least a little.

Love you kid,

Mama