No Rainbows Without Some Rain

Maliana ~

Phenomenal speech therapy session! You hadn’t been there in 3 weeks since our therapist had been getting married and on her honeymoon, but no matter because you did a bang-up job last Monday. As we sat in the waiting room, you looked at me and said, “I go upstairs and I cooperate”, and you did! Way to go!

And speaking of therapies…I FINALLY went to a chiropractor this week as well. I have been having such trouble over the last 2 weeks, with certain days not even being able to pick you up. When I told you I was going to a back doctor, you asked, “Then you can carry me?” and when I said yes, you said, “Thank you Mommy!” You can be so sweet and appreciative.

celebrating national chocolate cupcake day!

enjoying your new Toy Story 3 bubble bath...making good use of it on the
most adorable little "bubble butt" ~ when I gave it to you, you said,
"Thank you Mommy!"

I  think this Facebook status sums up some of your antics this week…always interesting living with you!

~Theresa Hart~
never underestimate how much harder it is to go to the bathroom when you are knee to knee with a 3 year old sitting on her stool in front of you, with no personal space whatsoever, repeatedly asking if you're done with a more than helpful look on her face, anxious to squirt your hands with sanitizer.

Thursday was rainy and cold, so it made for a perfect day to stay inside and make Halloween crafts. You have been more into painting lately. Thank goodness for washable paints!

After Daddy got home, I headed off to book club with some of the other China mommies and Daddy took you to Memaw and Papaw’s for some firehouse stew. You had fun and have been getting to be more and more of a “Papaw’s girl” lately. It used to be that you would give him the stink eye whenever he was around, but now you go to him more often and even give him kisses from time to time (but only if it’s on the soft part of his cheek, above his scratchy beard). It’s interesting to see you grow and change as you get older, in all kinds of areas.

playing with their magnifying glass

Once home, I put you to bed and after singing some songs, we had one of those spontaneous giggle fits as we lay there in the dark. I was checking to see if you were asleep yet, and had leaned way over your face. Well, you weren’t asleep after all and whipped your face to mine, scaring the heck out of me. For some reason, we thought that was hysterical. Anyway, we kept doing that to each other for the next 5-10 minutes, laughing until our sides hurt.

Friday I went to do a little pre-Halloween/ Christmas shopping (trying to get a jump on it so we can all enjoy the Christmas season a little more easily)…but here’s another Facebook status that sheds some light on some more of your antics. You are so funny, (and SMART!)

~Theresa Hart~
so...I was doing a little Christmas "recon" for Santa and was showing Mali pictures of some gift ideas on the internet (to check her reaction, etc). She then told me we need to take our laptop to Santa, to make sure he knew exactly what she wanted. Why do I have the feeling we're going to be the only people in line at the mall with a laptop and Powerpoint presentation?

By Saturday, I was spent. Daddy could tell that I’d had more than my share of any kind of stress this week, so thankfully he let me sleep in on Saturday morning while the two of you got up and went to breakfast at Gena’s, then on to watch your cousin Joey’s soccer game. I do have to mention something funny here. As you know, Daddy has no peripheral vision due to the brain tumor he had removed in 1999 (I’m sure by the time you read this, you have had your fun in practical jokes on Daddy related to this fact). Well anyway, he admitted that today at the soccer game, thanks to his lack of full vision, he was holding your hand and led you right into a trashcan at the soccer field. Evidently, you both were not paying the best attention. No one was seriously hurt…and I had to laugh aloud when Daddy told me this. And of course I was laughing WITH you both, not at you. Ha ha. I can only imagine what that must have looked like to a spectator. 

you ran on the field with the team and insisted on getting
some high fives for yourself

Joey had a double header, spaced out by a few hours, so Uncle Kevin, Joey, Alex, and Sammy all came over and played at our house until they had to leave for her next game. Despite all of your obstinate behavior and tantrums this week (yes, you have been giving us a run for our money lately…which I think has been exacerbated by feeling a bit under the weather), you did nothing but completely perk up when you saw your cousins. You four girls play so well together. It’s awesome!

Lao Lao came over to visit after the girls had left, and you were so excited to see her that you made this incredibly strange squealing sound like you could scarcely contain yourself. When I was helping you down from your chair to go see her at the front door, you looked like one of those cartoons where the character’s legs are spinning in mid air in anticipation of running at the speed of light to their target. You have missed her and wanted her all to yourself which became quite clear when I came back to your room to talk to Lao Lao briefly and you looked at me and said, “We’re going somewhere else” and when I asked why, you sighed and stated, “Because you’re talking to Lao Lao.” At that point, you both agreed on a date for just the two of you in the near future…you are thrilled.

you booted me out of the room...which is probably good
because I think you were doing some kind of medical experiments on her

Sunday morning started with the “donut dance”. We all headed off in the car in jammies and slippers, in search of the yummiest donuts we could find. But not before you and I bounced around and acted like complete lunatics in your room doing a silly jig. Nothing like making a small moment more fun by celebrating it with dancing, right?

Sunday afternoon Daddy and I both went to your soccer practice. You are doing better, but we discovered that you were clingier again with my being there. You like the drills, but are not a big fan of the mini-games. Having Daddy and silkie with you on the field helps immensely, but it’s all still a challenge for you. Perhaps this isn’t your cup of tea at the moment. There are so many activities out there to try…we’ll find something you really like. That’s the most important part.

not sure about soccer but you sure are cute!

Daddy came out to help you do crab-walks

On the way home from practice, you amazed us by pointing and saying, “Mommy! That’s where you run!” when we were driving by the running trail on the overpass on 161 (a local highway). You recognized it and said, “That’s where you run with me, and Abby!” We were shocked. You are so aware of your surroundings (well, except for the incident with the trashcan at the soccer game, he he), it’s incredible.

So, if your soccer practice was a bit bumpy…we ended the weekend on a super fun note. You got to spend time with your cousins yet again on Sunday night at Sammy’s birthday party at Dill’s greenhouse. You rode in the barrel choo-choo train, played in the straw maze, and we all went on a hayride in the dark. Before cupcakes and presents, I took both you and Sammy to the bathroom (Sammy insisted on coming with us) and so we skipped through the parking lot, hand in hand, singing “Potty party! Potty party!” On our way back, you both had shoes that lit up when you took a step, so I watched each of you race ahead of me, blinking, shrieking, and laughing through the dark.

feeding pumpkins to the turkeys

ready for your first barrel train ride of the evening

gorgeous sunset over the greenhouse

Daddy LOVES to drive the tractor

all aboard!

spooky hayride in the dark!

"hop on! I think I know how to hot wire this thing!"

When it was time for Sammy to open presents, Daddy and I were so impressed with how polite you were, neither crowding Sammy or grabbing at any of the gifts (as we’ve seen happen time after time by other kids at birthday parties). You would stand and watch her open presents, then every so often you’d run back over to get a hug or snuggle from us, then go back to watch her some more. It was very sweet. You surprise us every day.

So...with this blog I write all of these notes all week long, to help jog my memory of all the little things you do that I want to include here. As I look back through the previous week's moments, I come across all of the easy stuff, the silly stuff, the "fun" stuff...but of course there are also those moments where I am completely exasperated and have no clue as to what to do or how to handle you. There are times when all I want to do is scream, especially over the last few weeks. You have entered a new developmental period where you are increasingly stubborn and strong-willed. That, coupled with the fact (as Lao Lao pointed out), you are a born leader, inspiring (sometimes demanding) others to follow you, can really create some havoc at our house. At times I want to pull my hair out. I keep reminding myself (and Daddy) that some day we are going to be so thankful that you have this 'tough as nails', opinionated, and strong indomitable spirit...but my tag phrase following that little reminder is usually..."Just not today".
 
However right now, by the very end of the week when it's time to sum up our recent adventures, those exhaustingly trying moments don't seem nearly as powerful or exasperating. I have much less, if any, desire to include them in these mementos to you. Here's one of the many little reasons why...

On the way home from Dill's, you hung in there and stayed awake, wanting a snack (and water, and to potty, and a book, and a song, etc) before bed. After our whole bedtime routine was done (including much creative stalling on your part), I lay there with you, our faces about 5 or 6 inches apart. You were laughing; eyes squeezed tight, nose crinkled, open mouth squealing and teeth grinning ear to ear. That right there, in the middle of that laugh when I was looking right into your deep brown eyes...THOSE moments are the ones I want and need to include in these memories for you. I take sooo many pictures of you (as you are painfully aware and sick of at times), hoping to capture just that smile, just that laugh, just that feeling in those perfect moments. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it just right on film, but I hope that I’ll somehow be able to remember them forever.

Love,
Mama

What did you say? There's a monkey at the hospital?

Maliana ~

Well, I began the week with some very sage advice from you honey. You woke up on Tuesday morning early, and hung out with me while I got ready for work. As I was finishing up in the bathroom, you looked at me in all seriousness and said, “Mommy, don’t pee in your pants, at work.” My dear that was probably the best advice I received all day and I am happy to report that Tuesday was a success…no soggy pants for me! Ha ha.

And while you started the day with such wisdom…it had crumbled (hysterically) by evening. You, Daddy and I had gone out for dinner and to run some errands when you saw a policeman in the restaurant. He was waiting outside the bathrooms and as we came out, you did your usual “Hi policeman!” (you love those men in uniform), but the situation got a little touchy when you took it a bit further and innocently went for his gun, asking “What’s that?” He jumped a little bit and I thought you were going to get tazed (well, not really). He was a good sport though.

You were so silly acting that night, as we walked out to the car Daddy asked you if we could test your urine and you said “Yep!”. Then when I said, “Mali, you’re so fun!” you grinned and nodded, saying “Yeah…thank you!” Ha ha.

When I picked you up from school one day, I walked in and was surprised to see you leading a game of Simon Says for your whole class. Your teachers said you just started doing it all on your own, out of the blue…and nearly all the kids were paying attention and playing. It was pretty cool to see you in that capacity, with the kids so receptive to you. You really are a natural leader.

Later that same day we had a visit from Audrey Ayi and we all went to eat at Red Robin. Of course, as soon as our food hit the table you had to go to the bathroom (your usual stunt). As we finished up washing our hands, Bruno Mars’s song, “Just the Way You Are” came on and you exclaimed, “That’s my song! Let’s dance!” So you grabbed my hands and we started dancing and jumping around the bathroom. Well, just at that moment this little old lady walked in, but instead of following my natural instinct to be mortified, I asked her if she wanted to join our ‘dance party’…and she said yes! The three of us shook our booties between the sinks and the stalls. You thought it was great (I think the little old lady did too), and even kept on dancing all the way to the table. It was one of the ridiculously delicious moments that you get to have when you have kids…and I’m so lucky that you are the kind of kid crazy enough to do it too! Just like I said to you the other night…you are so fun!

The fun continued as you, Audrey and I stopped at Old Navy on the way home. You tried on a couple of Halloween costumes they had there and decided you particularly loved the monkey. You “ooh ooh ooh aah aah’ed” around the store, refusing to take it off. It was so funny! None of the shoppers expected to encounter a monkey while quietly shopping, and it was funny to watch their expressions change when they saw you. Audrey Ayi just couldn’t let you leave without the costume so she went ahead and bought it for you, which was really nice of her. Now, I think the monkey has officially booted Buzz Lightyear out of first place in costume choices this Halloween. We’ll see, come October 31st.

who's hungry for a hamburger?

surprising shoppers from your monkey cage (aka the clothing racks)

We got to see Wai Gong and Memaw Lisa quite a bit this week. They brought over cake for Daddy and I’s birthdays one night and we all had dinner together.

make a wish!

The next visit wasn’t under such good circumstances, but we made it fun nonetheless. Wai Gong had shoulder replacement surgery and so we went to visit him at the hospital. You wore the monkey costume that you just got so not only did you brighten Wai Gong’s day, but you surprised everyone on that wing of the surgery center. After all, how often do you run into a 3 ft tall monkey at the hospital?

The weekend was nice. Aunt Lindsey had invited us to meet her and some friends at a pumpkin patch. It was a little cold and very windy, but we had fun anyway and you were so excited to see your Aunt Lindsey.

Aunt Lindsey was the last one on our wagon to find her pumpkin...
you went to go check on her and bring her back to the tractor.

You spent one on one time with Daddy this weekend too. While I was running on Saturday morning, Daddy said you woke up and shot straight up in bed, with an urgent request of “Daddy, can we sing ‘Wheels on the Bus’?” He was a bit surprised but of course agreed. (What in the world brought that on first thing in the morning? Ha ha). You and he also went to McDonald’s (drive-through of course with Daddy in a robe and slippers, you in your jammies, both of you with major bed-head) on Sunday morning, and then later you went to the auto parts store together. Evidently, you wanted to wear your soccer shorts and shirt paired with sparkly silver squeaky shoes. The guys at the store thought it was pretty funny and one of them was really nice about your inquisitiveness while he checked Daddy’s car, showing you everything he was doing. I love that you are so curious about things. Your questions get exhausting sometimes, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

the auto parts guy showing you how his auto code reader works

We saw Joe, Tina, Sam and Erin this weekend too. It was Erin’s birthday so we went over to visit them and while the grown-ups sat around chatting and laughing, you ran off with the kids. Every so often, you’d swing through and grab my legs for a quick squeeze, then you were off again. It’s so nice that all of you get along so well. I love to see you having fun. By the end of the night, Erin and Sam were getting tucked in and we were about to leave. You snuggled in with Erin, listening to her bedtime stories from Aunt Tina and then when I came up to get you, begged me to spend the night there. It is so cute to see you so comfortable there. I am so thankful that you have so many loving people in your life.

Twice this weekend, I pointed out Halloween decorations to you saying, “Ooh! Spooky!”, with your reply being “Mom, it’s not scary. It’s just Halloween!” Wow! Aren’t we the brave little thing? And also this weekend I have been finding more and more corn in the washer and dryer from all of the pumpkin patches we have been to this year. Those corn pits may be fun, but seriously…how much corn can one preschooler hide in their clothes? Geesh!

Sunday was a more low key day. We actually took a family nap together, getting some much needed rest after being so busy all the time. I love how you cuddle up into my neck as you sleep, (even if it is one of the reasons I am seeing a chiropractor this coming Tuesday. Ha ha.) Daddy took you to your soccer practice in the afternoon. I stayed home and ran some errands. It was really hard for me to not go, but we wanted to see if we could lower the ‘cling factor’ with my not being there. Daddy got out there and really coaxed you to keep going, getting out on the field and giving you the extra help you needed. I am so glad he finally got to make it to a practice. He said you needed your silkie for half of the drills, but he didn’t care as long as you were participating. You did much better this time. I don’t think we’ll stick with this particular program in the spring, but we’ll make the best of it right now though.

We wrapped up the weekend by visiting Wai Gong and Memaw Lisa on Sunday afternoon/evening for the Brown’s game and some pizza. Wai Gong is finally home from the hospital and while he is very sore, he seems to be doing well. No monkey costume for this visit, but definitely much monkey behavior. Uncle Blaize came home from gymnastics later and so you were happy to get to see him before we left.

even though Wai Gong was feeling pretty sore...you brought a smile to his face

As you three sat on the couch together, Wai Gong turned to me and said, “Doesn’t get much better than this.” Nope, it sure doesn’t.

Love,
Mama

Nothing Like Fall Fun!

Maliana ~

We began the week by celebrating Double Ninth Festival, eating veggie mu shu and drinking chrysanthemum tea ~ yum!

you weren’t too sure about the tea but liked the sugar rocks

real chrysanthemums!

You and I also went out on a couple of our “dates” too…once to buy Daddy a birthday present. I let you go to $5 and Below and pick out anything in the store, specially from you for Daddy’s big day. Of all the things you could have chosen, you picked a snazzy hot pink and black belt, which was all the more awesome because it actually fits Daddy! Looks like he’ll be standing out even more at the office now!

that's hawt

Another of our dates was to the library, one of our favorite places. You made a friend when you plopped down with another little girl who was just learning to read, so she read you some of her short stories. You played some of the computer games, we got “coffee” (cocoa) and cookies, then took our books outside where we read on the park bench before hitting the playground and coming home.

maybe you'll be like Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina and work in a library?

And finally, it wasn’t really a date, but you asked me if you could come running with me one morning this week, pleading your case by saying, “I missed you all the day.” Even though it was only 9am when you said this, how could I resist? We had a great run together, looking for squirrels off the trail, watching the leaves swirl down from the trees, then crunching them underneath the jogging stroller.

Thursday, Daddy and I attended a meeting for the new cleft lip and palate support group that some other moms, doctors, social workers, and I are putting together. It went well and you did amazing at entertaining yourself through the whole thing. Before leaving the hospital, we went upstairs to see Niubei since she had surgery earlier in the day. She has been through so much so it was nice to help make her smile, get her to do her famous wink, and you even shared your Spiderman sticker with her and were my little ‘Vanna White’ when we read her a book.

happy to say that as I write this blog...Niubei is doing much better
and will probably go home soon! yay!

Friday was extra exciting this week since it was the start of a 3-day weekend! Woo hoo! We’ve had an October heat wave lately and when I picked you up at school you were a big sweaty mess...so I threw you in the tub once we got home. Of course, not before you exclaimed “Holy Shit!” when you saw how full the tub was…then exclaiming “Holy Shit!” again when I made you a big plate of noodles for dinner. Uh, all I have to say is, “Thank you Daddy” for that one. I corrected you and told you that we don’t say “Holy Shit” but rather, “Whoa Boy!” (But, I guess it just doesn’t have the same oomph). We’ll keep working on it. The good news is that by the end of the weekend you had morphed into saying “Holy Cow!” (which sounds more like “Holy How!”) and “Holy Schnikeys!”…both definitely better than where we started.

Daddy was at a golf outing until late Friday night, so you, Lao Lao and I went to the Italian Festival. Of course, your favorite part was the choo choo train that winds through all the crowds. You waved at everyone we rode by, even yelling to one person with a dog, “That’s a pretty doggie!” It was cute to see peoples’ reactions to you as we chugged along, as well as later when you heard some kind of polka-ish type song that you liked and you clapped and danced your way up to the stage. I’ll have to start calling you, ‘Maliana ~ Spreader of Smiles’ from now on.

all aboard! choo choo!

You also have this funny little chipmunk laugh now. It can be heard when you laugh at someone else, but typically it’s heard when you say something in which YOU crack YOURSELF up. It is really cute and a new phenomenon where you make yourself laugh now. It’s just another sign of your personality and sense of humor changing and growing up…pretty neat.

Saturday we went to a cookout at a friend’s house that we haven’t seen in a long time. It’s nice to have friends that you can just pick up right where you left off, no matter how much time has gone by. There were a ton of kids there, including your cousins Joey, Alex, and Sammy, so you had a blast! You all played together until well after dark, then as we watched the OSU game via projector on the side of the house, all of the kids were set up on blankets and lawn chairs in the garage to watch ‘Night at the Museum’. It was a great set up. Daddy and I both talked about how nights like these remind us of the fun we had when we were kids. It was a warm fall day, but a cool night, leaves changing to all shades of gold around us, with a spectacular sunset, a hint of fire smoke in the air, and tons of OSU excitement as the adults got ready for the game and the kids ran carefree through the grass between neighbors’ houses. Each time I see you running and playing with a group of kids, I always stop and think of how cool it is to be a kid. I hope you can look back and remember it fondly too, when you get old like me. Ha ha.

Officers Maliana and Sammy, at your service

this better not be a premonition...looks like you two stole
a cop car, crashed it, and are trying to flee the scene

daredevils

beautiful, right?

kid-zone ~ watching the flick in the garage

Sunday brought Daddy’s birthday. Unfortunately, our gift for him is still in transit and will be here later in the week; however, we still had a super day. We sang him ‘Happy Birthday’ when he woke up, then headed out to meet Memaw for breakfast (where you told the waitress exactly what you wanted even before I had time to look at the menu), and on to Dill’s Greenhouse for their Fall Fest. You were crazy at the Fall Fest, so excited to spend time for a second day in a row with your cousins, running here and there with intermittent squealing and the biggest grin ear to ear. Daddy was beyond happy that all of his side of the family was together. We definitely need to make a point to do that more often.

posing for Memaw before leaving Cracker Barrel

in front of Dill's corn maze

and off they go!

you and Sammy sharing a giggle

cousin love

so excited the wagon is back!

woo hoo! hayride!

hittin' the hay

found one!

can you be any cuter? nah!

all the girls

birthday kisses from Daddy

wait for me!

once again...daredevils!

the Wilkinson boys and their girls

making corn angels

watch this Mom!

corn, corn, everywhere!

following in Papaw Rick's footsteps

You did great playing with your cousins and any other kids that were around. Even your Aunt Beth made the comment about how well you do playing with other kids, what a natural you are, especially for being an only child. I had to agree. You are an exceptional kid.

After we left the greenhouse, we headed to Sakura Japanese Steakhouse for a birthday dinner with Lao Lao, Papaw Rick, and Uncle Forge. You slept on the way there and then for a little bit on my lap, until the blazing flames from the grill woke you up (and freaked you out). Then once awake, you chowed down on edamame and after dinner got to feed the carp they have in their fountain, compliments of a really nice woman who worked there and took a liking to you. She set you up with a big cup of fish food, where you called out, “Here fishie, fishie, fishie!” and they actually nibbled it right out of your fingers, eliciting excited giggles and jumping from you each time.

Whoops!
and there goes the entire cup of food into the water...
oh well!

Garrabrants, minus Uncle Flint

And, as if all of this excitement wasn’t enough for the week, the extended weekend on Monday found us at yet another pumpkin patch, Pigeon Roost Farms. This place is a kid’s dream, with an enchanted forest, corn and soybean mazes, tons and tons of playgrounds and activities, goats, turkeys, sheep, cows, and camels (yes, I just said camels). It took you a while to get going, insisting on sticking with the toddler toy playground and wooden train they had at first, but then once you got going, there was no stopping you. You especially liked feeding the goats and we must have gone down the burlap sack slides a million times apiece. Of course, you resisted the slide at first, until Daddy tricked you into going down on your own. Then, watch out! You were blazing down that slide like a pro by the end of the afternoon. The look on your face as you came down each time was priceless.

oh no! I guess Daddy didn't look both ways

see, I told you! camels!

Daddy's turn

Mommy's turn

getting braver, on your own

look at her go!

look! no hands Ma!

this is why I take so many pictures...
I feel like if I blink, you'll be 5 feet tall and going off to college!

candy corn, gummy worms, and gum drops...oh my!

no trip is complete without a set of witch fingers

We went back to see Niubei again at the hospital on the way home from Pigeon Roost and got her to giggle some more, mainly because of you and Daddy’s antics. You guys are a regular comedy team. Her little brother Noah was at the hospital, a few months old now and getting bigger all the time. This was the second time you’ve seen him, so it was interesting to see you more curious about him. You wanted to hold him, and kept climbing on me when I was holding him, touching his head and intrigued by his pacifier. We ate a late dinner in the hospital cafeteria before heading home, with you being your silly self, cracking up the cafeteria cashier and a whole station of nurses before we left. You were so silly, the same giddy and silly you always are after you‘ve had a fun day.

I think he'll outgrow both you and Niubei soon!

Once home, we got you ready for bed and I love that now when you ask for something and I say, “Ok, but I just need one thing before we do that…”, you immediately pucker up because you know I’m about to bribe you for a kiss. It’s the best. You requested a book for bedtime that we got from Children’s Hospital the night of our cleft meeting. It’s “I Wished For You; An Adoption Story”. I read it to you once the day after bringing it home, and it really is a great story, addressing so many issues and questions you have or may have. One in particular that I didn’t realize you were aware of yet was skin color. In the book, the main character Barley Bear asks why his fur isn’t the same color as his mama’s fur, and she goes on to describe how there are all sorts of families, where some look alike and some don’t, but what really makes a family a family is love. You listened to this book very thoughtfully and at that point said, “Yeah, my skin is brown, yours is not.” I was surprised because I was not aware that you noticed these things yet, but maybe that was naïve on my part. You are a really smart kid. This little exchange confirms my suspicions that we are going to have some amazing conversations as you grow up and I need to keep in mind that you are probably perceptive of and take in a whole lot more than I realize. So, I apologize ahead of time for any dense moments on my part, and I want you to know that I welcome any conversation that you want to have, about ANYTHING, adoption related or otherwise. There is nothing too simple or too difficult to bring up to your Dad or me, no topic that is out of bounds. If it’s important to you, it’s important to us. Promise me you’ll remember that, ok?

Anyway, halfway through this reading on Monday night, you fell asleep curled up on my shoulder. I tucked you in and just watched you sleep for a while, whispering all sorts of things that I want you to know; how much I adore you, how smart you are, how sensitive you are, how funny you are, how you can do anything you set your mind to, how there are at least two more people out there in this world that you carry in your heart who probably love you as much as your Dad and I do but that you may never meet, how no matter where you go or what you do there is nothing that can change how much your Dad and I love you. I do this often, whisper these things to you while you are sleeping, hoping that they will somehow seep into your brain and permanently nestle there forever, so you will deep down always remember them, even in your darkest moments. Who knows if this will work or not, but for now it makes me feel better to at least try.

Love,
Mama