Maliana ~
So, going back to work was extremely tough for me...I wish I was independently wealthy and we could all be on vacation all the time. I REALLY just felt like walking right back out of the office on that first day. But...we made it through our Monday and slowly got back into our work/school routine. Back to reality.
Tuesday was an even tougher day for me, but not because of work. The whole mess that rocked me to the core has actually been going on for a long, long time now...and it's hard to sum up easily. Basically, Wai Gong and I have not had a good or honest relationship for quite some time. We have tried in the past, attempted to bond from time to time, but never consistently could we make it work. I hoped against hope that things would change and resolve, but that has not been the case. Last fall, I realized I could not continue ignoring the dysfunction between us any longer and so composed a very honest letter about my struggles and how I felt. If you want to reference the catalyst to my composition of this letter, you can look
here. Without going into a lot of details, I will just say that we both have our issues...and for him, it evidently goes back to before I was even born (given the gigantic response of grievances I received from him in reply to my letter). It's all been building to a head and on Tuesday it exploded with a force I didn't expect. I was leveled by it. I was so upset that I had to leave work early and I'm still unsure of what to do. I'm heartbroken and devastated at what appears to be a loss I had been trying to deny for some time. I had such high expectations for my dad and me. I had such high expectations for your life with us to include harmonious relationships with all extended family. I had wanted so much to give you the world, hoping to model honest, mature, and loving relationships with all members of our family at all times. Unfortunately, after what I received from Wai Gong...I just can't foresee that happening very easily, if at all, with him. I'm at a loss. Literally and figuratively. As I talked (and cried) to Daddy about it all later that night, he hit the nail on the head when he said that now I just might need to grieve. Grieve the loss of the father I thought I knew. It's weird to grieve the loss of someone that is actually still alive...but sometimes, it just needs to be that way. I know I am being obtuse and vague. I'm sorry for that. I wish I could provide more insight into what happened, but realistic or not...I still have a sliver of hope that you can maintain your relationship with Wai Gong, even if I cannot, and I don't want to taint how you may feel about him. It pains me to admit that I have no idea what the future holds between my father and me. I am sorry for any potential pain this might cause you. I had hoped to spare you from this particular type of heartache that I know all too well. Who knows? Maybe I still can. Time will tell. I hope so.
Luckily, when I came home from work early I found one of our wonderful neighbors, Brittany (Brooklyn and Braycen's mom), who sat and listened and just let me cry. After we sat and talked for a while, we decided to take you all of you kids to the pool. So I cleaned myself up, surprised you early at school, and headed straight for the pool. It was just what I needed to lift my spirits and you loved getting to cool off and play with your buddies.
Just before bed, after seeing me tear up numerous times, you told me..."Mom, tomorrow is a new day." Out of the mouths of babes. So true.
Tuesday I was feeling a touch better...and decided to regress with you. Here's my post on Facebook.
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~ It's a matching Happy Meal kind of night...and yes, I'm
pretending to be 5 for the rest of the evening! #beingagrownupisoverrated |
We met Aunt Lori and Allie at the playground and had some fun, even brought Abby with us (per your request) and she patiently hung out while we talked, climbed, and played. It was a nice summer evening as we drove home with the windows down, singing Never Grow Up (again, per your request) and drank in the summer air. You said you were singing it to Abby and by gosh if you don't know all the words! Love that song. With how much you like to sing it, I have a feeling it will become a family classic.
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| playing "restaurant window" with Abby |
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my monkey...earning her name
(you've come such a long way
on jungle gyms!) |
Thursday when I picked you up from school I was exhausted and had a headache...however it brightened my day to see you excitedly run to me with a book, The Moon Lady, and exclaim..."Mom, this book is about China!" You made me promise to get it from the library. I love that you are excited about and taking pride in your birthplace.
Then one of the newer teachers to your room made it a point to tell me, "Mali is awesome! She is really really awesome!" as I got you ready to go. As a parent, that is amazingly nice to hear...especially after a tough day.
And finally, just before bed you came out of your room all gussied up and said, "Mi Mom ~ I wanted to surprise you because you have a headache!" Then you made me get all dressed up and we had a "tap dance concert". Definitely perked me up...you are so incredibly sweet.
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| fancy pants |
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| love my kiddo |
Friday morning you were chipper again and had a good time at speech, deciding to continue with your more "feminine" choice of clothing for the last day of the week as well...very cute choice Mali but seriously...who is this child?? *grin*
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pink fishy dress, white patent leather fancy
shoes, Easter bonnet, and a conch
shell horn necklace to blow |
After school we got home and your buds came over for some playtime before dinner...no idea what's happening here but you kids are always entertaining!
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| yes, you are wearing 3 shirts (3!), my old glasses, and a rosary |
And some after dinner pool time next door...even Audrey stopped by and got in on the phone. She is so good with all of you...don't get me wrong, she will tell you like it is but she is also so patient with you guys. So funny!
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| make it rain! |
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| paybacks for Audrey! you all soaked her! |
Ran with my girls on Saturday morning...
Had to share on Facebook when we got back:
~ took my girls running this morning & Mali insisted on tackling the big hill & last quarter mile on her own w/Abby...I just might have a running buddy sooner than I think!
Then we hit up the Pride parade as is our typical fashion. Always gotta get our Pride on! So hot but so fun and makes me so proud of our little city.
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| Mia and Michelle came with us this year ~ their first Pride ever! |
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| thought this sign was cute! |
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| Happy Pride! |
We got home in time to relax for a hot second and then head back out to the Dayton area to celebrate the wedding of our cousin Sarah and her husband David. It was a beautiful gathering and what was even more beautiful was being able to witness two people who are so unbelievably matched for each other.
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| so in love |
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| silly girl |
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| dancing with Mama |
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| and a dip! |
Sunday morning Aunt Tina and I went running and then to cool off, we all headed over to their place and hit the pool. You are getting better and better in the water, willingly going under and swimming (albeit with swimmies on right now) and holding your breath for longer each time. You were very concerned about how rest periods worked and making sure that only the appropriate people were in the pool during each rest period. Tina and I joked that we need to get a tiny lifeguard outfit and whistle for you. You were so tuckered out towards the end, you got out of the pool early and hung out asking me, "Mom. When is it going to be 'recipe time'?" *smile* (FYI: for all of you who don't speak in Mali-isms...recipe time = rest period time).
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| nice photo bomb Daddy! |
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| crazy kids |
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| Daddy throwing Sam across the pool |
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| and now E-cakes is launched too! |
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| my budding little fish |
After the pool and a nice nap, we woke up and went next door for a cookout. You, Brooklyn, and Braycen ate and played around while us "old folks" talked, then as we headed home Daddy spotted a locust just emerging from his shell on the side of our porch. All of us crowded around and watched it come out and it was so cool. You named it Buddy and became very attached to it for some reason, making Daddy put it up in a tree so it could safely allow its wings to dry. Such a cool way to end the evening with a little nature lesson.
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| watching the locust slowly emerge |
Love,
Mama
