The Flu Can Be A Good Thing. No, Really. It Can.

Maliana ~

Early this week was the release of the coveted Frozen movie on DVD and so after eating a picnic dinner with the kiddos next door, you all piled onto their couch for a Frozen movie night. I suspect that nearly every household in America with girls under 10 were doing the same thing that evening. You all LOVE that movie!

Your daycare continued a celebration of St. Patrick's Day all week and one particular day, this note came home from your teacher:
Mali liked looking at the map and globe. We located Ireland, the USA and China! Neat!
I love that not only do your teachers encourage a worldly awareness in your classroom, but also that you are able to and enthusiastic about incorporating your birth country into the lessons.  

Then I also received this picture from school too and a note stating that you practiced independent reading. 

The above picture, coupled with the one I forgot to post from last week of you reading to me at daycare pickup...

...make me very happy to see your (hopefully) burgeoning love of reading.

And speaking of moments that I did not include in last week's post, here are a couple of my favorites, highlighting the kindness and generosity that we are so fortunate to have surrounding us.

one of the sunnier days we played outside where Juan met up with us and brought you over to his house where he had
a belated birthday present for you. such a kind and thoughtful gesture from one of your classmates.

"Auntie Jo" aka "Yo Yo" sent you some money for your birthday since she did not have a chance to get out and put together a package for you. she insisted on making sure you go on a shopping spree to celebrate your birthday and here
is a picture of that shopping spree. you were very excited to go to Toys R Us and select just the right toys
for your birthday. thank you so much, Yo Yo!!

By Wednesday, I think you were feeling better, thank goodness. We've all been hit by this nasty cold and so our house has been a bit grumpy lately. Anyway, you seemed to be finally on the upswing (at least a little bit) and so it was a good night for us. You even got to go out with Daddy to meet a jet that was bringing home some real Chicago pizzas for us! You got to go on board and meet the crew and some of the big banker passengers. Evidently one of the passengers was a woman who was born in Hong Kong and now lives in New York City, which you thought was very cool. She took a special liking to you and gave you a big box of cookies to bring home. Then you also met Josh, one of the best flight attendants with whom Daddy's company has the pleasure of working. Daddy got this quick picture of you "high rolling" with Josh on the jet before bringing home our yummy pizzas.

Thursday was the first day of spring as well as the Spring Fling at your elementary school. Lao Lao came with us to get her "Mali-fix" and hang out with you while I helped man the ticket sales and Daddy manned the ice cream social. It is so much fun to help out at your school, gain another opportunity to get to know other families at your school, and see you in your element (our little social butterfly). You had a ball as your buddy, Jocelyn, was there with her mom and brother, and you both ran around together checking out all of the various science displays and of course chatting with friends. It was a pretty cool concept to encourage an interest in science as the entire Spring Fling was basically a big showcase of science experiments and a book fair, plus they had some great pizza and ice cream to boot. If you're K-5, you can't beat it!

doing a scavenger hunt with Jocelyn and a
woman from natural resources

checking out furs and skeletons from Blendon Woods

being silly with Lao Lao over pizza and ice cream

By Friday, we were all so. very. pooped! Thursday night was rough, with you up and down all night long. The bug had came back and hit you hard again with major congestion and the "itchies" throughout the entire night. It was so miserable that when you finally got to a sound sleep (at 5am), I decided to cancel your speech session that morning just to let you get a bit of sleep before school. When you did wake up around 8am, the cold sore on your lip was crazy inflamed and your nose was so stuffed up (and running at the same time) that you also had dried blood on your sore chapped lips from breathing through your mouth all night. Poor kid. I felt awful for you. Hate when I can't do much to make you feel better. Luckily, I got some medicine for you and left it in the hands of your capable teachers at daycare and by the time I picked you up, everything looked remarkably better.

I surprised you by showing up at school early to pick you up directly from kindergarten with Audrey and Mr. Yang in the car too. We all headed back to stop at the house and loaded the car a bit more with your scooter and both Suzy and Abby, then headed on to Hoover to soak in the early spring sunshine and breathe in the fresh air. It was hectic with all of these dogs and a very energetic kid on a scooter (you!) but we all made it back in one piece. *whew!* Once home, we made dinner (the Chicago pizza that you and Daddy had picked up from the jet earlier in the week) and then you and Audrey played Connect 4 and checkers together, strategizing and learning new moves under Audrey's tutelage. I sat and watched you play, with all of your big kid mannerisms and silly jokes. It made me smile. I love to see your personality evolving every day and very much enjoy watching you interact with others. Evidently it's interesting to others as well.  Your teacher at daycare had sent home the daily update just that day and made the comment of "Mali has such a creative mind!" I would agree. It's fascinating to watch you, just being you.

surveying Hoover

Audrey and Mr. Yang helping you find rocks that you can skip

checking out the water with your dogs

playing Connect 4 with Audrey Ayi

getting some helpful pointers

Unfortunately on Saturday I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck and aside from a trip to urgent care, I slept for pretty much the entire day. I hate missing spending a weekend day with you but the good news about that is that you and Daddy got to spend the whole day together. He took you to Chinese class, you helped him pick up the house, fix your car seat, went shopping for birthday presents for Brooklyn and Braycen, grocery shopped, and out to eat at Pei Wei together. In between all of this, you kept checking on me, concerned about waking me up, always making sure there was a good distance between us though so you didn't get (any more) sick too but also concerned about me needing to cuddle while I slept. You even offered, "Mom, I can give you one of my stuffed animals that I don't like. Then you can cuddle it and it's okay if you get it sick." Ever so thoughtful.

You also decided to break out some of your new beach wear I picked up the other day. Can you tell how full of awesome you are feeling in this picture?

swag pose. Daddy said you were strutting your
stuff the entire time you had this on...
so glad you love it!

Sunday I was still feeling pretty sluggish and unfortunately, you were feeling a bit uncomfortable too. I had thought you were getting better but this cold is hanging on just long enough to make Daddy and I a little nervous. You've had this nagging congestion (among a few other things) that just won't go away so Daddy ended up taking you to urgent care right after attending a birthday party for the neighbor kids. Luckily, what you have is fairly common and nothing that some medicine shouldn't fix, but sheesh, right?! How much more sickness can we all take? Anyway, you were in pretty good spirits all day long, so thankful to get to spend time with your daddy. As you helped him later that night, you even told us that we were the best parents ever, completely out of the blue. I definitely don't feel worthy of that title after being so out of commission all weekend, but I am so grateful that we have the daddy we do and that you got to spend so much one on one time with him this weekend. In fact, here is how I shared it on Facebook:

Of course the book shelf in M's room fell apart on the same weekend I've been out of commission with what was likely the flu  ...so thankful for a hubby who kept the house and all of M's activities running smoothly (including a trip for her to urgent care ~ sheesh, right?!) and even ran out to get a new bookcase and is putting it together tonight with his little helper. Great bonding time with Daddy for the last couple of days so maybe there is a silver lining to feeling like I got hit by a truck  And props to all you single parents out there...I have no clue how you do it! Remind me next time I see you; I owe you a babysitter, a drink and a foot massage.

And of course, I can't forget to mention Brooklyn and Braycen's birthday party. You immediately reported that "It was awesome!" as soon as you got home. So glad you had fun! Here are some of the funny things you brought home with you:

when I handed this to you in an ID holder I found, I said,
"Stay safe, man" to which you replied (with a
finger gun/point), "No, actually you stay
safe!" while swagging away.
you.crack.me.up.

Off to bed for me now...hoping that both of our medicines do their thing tonight and the illness is history soon, preferably by morning. Wishful thinking, I know.

Love you gobs, kiddo.
Mama

Hard Adoption Conversations and Easygoing Family Days

Maliana ~

So, with your birthday last week being such a whirlwind, I didn't get the chance for a quiet moment with you to talk about your birth parents. They are never far from my mind and so I wanted to check in with you as well, especially on the anniversary of the day you arrived on this Earth. Once I did so, I was slightly taken aback by your response. Not because your reply was out of the normal realm of response, but for the simple fact that we were finally beginning to have a conversation that I had long been anticipating. A conversation that is important and will continue to evolve as you get older. A conversation that you will have, if not with me then, with other trusted souls throughout your life. A conversation birthed from thoughts lingering in the back of your mind, if not in the forefront, quite frequently as you sort out, discover, and embrace all of the identity you will discover, learn to create for yourself, and are destined to become.

Although I knew this conversation was on its way, when it landed in my lap, the gravity of it all hit like a ton of bricks. I was ready and not ready for it all at the same time. I was very proud of you for being able to articulate what you did about the thoughts you've been having. I worried about how I had responded back to you, hoping I had said what you needed in the moment. I wasn't sure I had. After mulling it over, I decided to reach out. I reached out for a little insight since I felt like this is such uncharted territory we are in. The easiest way to do so in this day and age is via our connections on social media. I debated sharing my experience with our friends and family on Facebook, wondering if I should keep this particular conversation private. However, after going back and forth on it and reflecting on all of the people we have met using this social media and through your adoption, I ultimately decided to share about it on Facebook. The reason I did so is because I know there are others out there in our wonderful little village that have gone through or are going through similar experiences. I knew that not only could we possibly glean some wisdom from those who have walked before us, but also shine a light to those who may be quietly having these thoughts or conversations right now. If there is anything you will learn about me it's that I try to be as open as I possibly can be, some moments more successful than others. Anyway, I am so glad that I did open up and share about our conversation and moment. There were some wonderful nuggets of warmth and wisdom that were received in return.

Anyway, here's how my post read:

~ A slightly heavy heart today after having a conversation last night with M about her birth parents. With her birthday just last week, I asked if she thought about her "China mommy and China daddy" to which she replied, "Every day." She then proceeded to share that she has a lot of ideas about them but "maybe would tell me tomorrow". We talked a bit more about it when she said, "I don't know why they didn't want me." *gulp* ...Even though she didn't seem outwardly emotional about it, it made my heart drop. I told her that unfortunately I didn't know either and then I asked if I could share with her some of the reasons that I do know about why parents give their kids up for adoption (e.g. not enough money or food to take care of them, etc.) But I was essentially speechless... She's a smart kid so I knew these things were milling around in her head; I knew these conversations were coming; and I know that I will always welcome them with an open heart and open mind. Nevertheless, it's hard to know that M is already wrestling with some very adult issues at such a tender age, with more difficult questions and issues to come in the years ahead; things that this mama can't just fix and things that M will ultimately need to come to terms with for herself, in her own time. *sigh* I wish I had a magic wand...

A few details of our conversation I left out of the above post...one of which was when I asked you if you thought your birth parents looked like you, to which you replied, "I don't know. I've never seen them in person."...then, "They don't have a cleft lip and cleft palate." I asked how you knew that and mentioned that they could have, we just don't know for sure...So many questions, not enough answers. Probably never will be but I hope you can get to a place where you are ok with not knowing all of the details for sure. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I thought I would post a couple of my favorite replies (particularly the responses from adult adoptees that we are lucky enough to have in our circle of friends) to the above post. I thought it might be nice to hear what they have to say about it, to know you are not now and never will be alone in this experience, even if sometimes it feels lonely. Hopefully, some of these words will help as you read this years from now.

This response is from a woman (Shelby) in her early 20's who was adopted from Korea:
I just read this to my mom, and she told me that she always used to tell me that "your birth mom didn't know 'Shelby.' She made a plan beforehand to give up 'a baby' so that she could have a happy and loving home. And god made it so you were placed in our family. Cause if your birth mom ever knew "Shelby," really knew YOU, then she wouldn't have been able to give you up." My mom said she focused on my birth mom giving up 'a baby' rather than it being more personal and her giving up 'me.' Hope this helps!


And here is the response from a woman who was domestically adopted and has known Daddy ever since they were almost as young as you are now:

I know it hurts you...but it is just plain something all adopted kids go through. . Just try not to discuss the being adopted too much...let her come to you.. discussing too much adds to feeling different..you have left the door open...let her come to you.. I was loved and happy as a child.. my parents are absolutely amazing.. but being adopted is as much a part of me as my hair color....ok. at my age let's go with eye color. ...I am sad every year on my birthday because somewhere a woman is sad about me...but its ok. breaks your heart but it will happen..warning....the teen yrs are when the tears come.... identity issues are rampant at that age and add adoption....yeah.. just let her cry if she needs to... but some of it she will just need to feel and deal with....I love my adoption identity. .. I feel special..so does she I am sure..but special is different and can be lonely. You two are doing great.....really...and when she is 12 or 13 we can do lunch.

There were also many other wonderfully supportive and caring replies (20+ of them!) but the two I noted above I felt would be the most helpful for you and that is why I included them here. I hope you always feel comfortable enough to go through any emotions you need to and bring any of this to your Daddy and me. The last thing I want you to feel is that you have to go through this alone. There may be times where Daddy and I aren't sure what to say or do, but I want you to know that none of this scares us. None of this is too big to handle. We are willing to move mountains and oceans, Heaven and Earth, if it means it could help you. Please remember that. No matter what, we can do this together. We love you and are always here for you. 

Ok? ...Ok.

And on that note...

*deep breath*

Ready for the rest of the week?

While adoption brings with it many difficult issues, it has also brought many wonderful people and experiences into our lives as well (as I mentioned briefly above). Friday evening and Saturday morning were wonderful examples of that. On Friday, I got to go out with a few different fellow adoptive mamas who I have met and become closer to over the course of the last 4+ years. It was a really nice night and you got to hang out with Daddy while I was out. Good all the way around, however it cracked me up when I came home and you promptly handed me this note:

to be fair, he only hit you mildly on the shoulder while trying
to juggle leashes for two dogs, keys, and a flashlight...
however, point taken, Mali...point taken.

Saturday morning we got to meet with our Fu Social Group for the monthly play date. It was so nice for you to see and play with the other kids while Daddy and I got to see and chat with the other parents. This monthly (and often more frequent) connection with this wonderful pool of families is something that Daddy and I value very much. Once again, thank you, adoption.

putting on a mini show with Halle

The rest of Saturday was unscheduled so we took advantage of it and had a really nice family day, just you, Daddy, and me. We had lunch together at Fazoli's, hit the dog park with Suzy and then since we were so close, hit Anthony Thomas for a bit of candy on the way home. It was so nice to spend this uninterrupted time together on a chilly but bright and sunny *almost* spring day.
Once home, we both worked out, me on the elliptical and you on the yoga mat with a YouTube video. So cute.

you requested yoga...so glad you enjoy it so much
(thanks to Daddy introducing you to it!)

After that, you and Daddy spent some quality time together preparing a special dessert to take to Memaw and Papaw's family dinner on Sunday. You were so excited for the both of you to don your aprons while making the banana split raspberry surprise pie. Yum!

you were so excited to have Daddy wear the apron you and
I had made for him on one of your earliest Father's Days

got spatulas ~ ready to cook!

showing Daddy the trick you figured out to get chocolate
chips inside the raspberries ~ yum!

all done!

Such a great morning and afternoon ~ I just love our family days together!

Sunday was pretty laid back with only an early dinner at Memaw and Papaw's on the schedule and with Papaw's famous veggie lasagna. While there you impressed Memaw with your helpfulness by rounding up Sammy's as well as your own dirty dishes and bringing them into the kitchen for her. She made it a point to tell me how considerate that was...very proud of you, monkey.

ready to dig in to dessert!

That night we got ready for St. Patrick's Day on Monday morning. I had already made you green shamrock pancakes for breakfast so we set some of those aside as I concocted my famous "leprechaun juice" for you to drink the next morning with breakfast. As you watched me make it, you asked, "Mom, can you teach me how to make leprechaun juice so I can make it for my kids someday?" *smile* ...I told you that I would definitely teach you when you are older and closer to being a grown up. (Don't want to spoil the magic too soon, right?)  

my attempt at green shamrock pancakes

Wishing you sweet dreams and lots of luck on this week of St. Patrick coming up. 
Love you, my little lucky charm. 

Love,
Mama

Birthday Week Marathon

Maliana ~

Began our week long celebration by making cupcakes for your upcoming birthday parties at school and daycare. To say we made a mess is an understatement. Ha.

As we hung out in the kitchen creating all of that chocolate-y goodness, here's a snippet of one of our conversations:
You: "I don't want to get married. I don't want to do sex. I just want to be a mom."
Me: *cringing ever so slightly* "Well, sex is for grown ups so you don't have to worry about that for a long time. It is pretty awesome to be a mom, though."
You: "Yeah, but I'll be even better!"
Me: "Aww...am I a mean mommy?" *grinning*
You: "No! You're the best mom!"
((insert BIG hug here))

Then you even helped me clean up the kitchen, completely unprompted. You sure do know how to make me smile. What a kid!

At bedtime that night, you wanted to look through your China memory book that I made for you when you first came home, to help make your story more concrete for your young mind back then. As you, Daddy, and I looked through the book and reminisced, you told your own story to us through the pictures. It was so neat to hear it from you, to know that it's become a part of you, as dear to your heart as it is to ours. 

On Wednesday (your birthday eve) we couldn't help ourselves and joined the Yersaviches for dinner at El Vacquero for an early celebration. We had lots of fun and noticed that you get significantly embarrassed by things like, oh...sticking a gigantic sombrero on your head and singing Happy Birthday to you in front of the whole restaurant. If this is the case at age 6, your teen years are going to a blast for Daddy and me! Mwahahaha!

Anyway, on the way home you were singing, dancing, and being very merry ~ a sure sign that you were thoroughly enjoying yourself and feeling pretty special. Once home, our presence was requested next door where the Szwabinsky's had a birthday surprise for you as well. So nice and thoughtful of them...our neighbors are great!

never a straight picture from the Yersavich kids

with the birthday senorita

mmmm...fried ice cream!

the Szwabinsky family

Once home, I continued to reminisce with you that it was your last night as a 5 year old and we talked about how it will now require 2 hands to show how old you are! I was really feeling the weight of your growing up as we got you ready for bed. It started to make me a little bit misty...then you said, "Mom, it's just not the same when you don't snuggle with me." You said this in response to Daddy putting you to bed that night so that I could wrap your presents and decorate the kitchen for your special surprise birthday breakfast in the morning. Huh. Well, I guess you may be physically and chronologically growing up...but maybe, just maybe, you're still my little girl at heart.  

And then...*drumroll please*...this brings us to your birthday morning!! I had everything set up and waiting for you when you emerged from the bedroom, all ready for school and in your new birthday shirt. Per the latest tradition, you busted into your new year, loved all of your decorations in the kitchen, and were so giddy (getting up 2 hours earlier than normal ~ eek!) You loved finally being able to put on your annual birthday shirt (fresh, 2014 edition, hot off the presses) and enjoyed playing with your new Peppa Pig toys until it was time to go to school. Over breakfast you mentioned, "This is the best birthday ever!" *smile* I just love you and all of our traditions! 

this is the face of excitement, waiting to
go out into the kitchen to see your
surprise...look at that smile!

front of your annual birthday shirt ~ 2014 version

back of your annual birthday shirt ~ 2014 version

Click HERE to watch your reaction to your birthday surprise!

taking in your birthday surprise

Click HERE to watch us sing Happy Birthday to you!

Later that afternoon, Lao Lao and I met up and went into your school together with all of the birthday cupcakes you and I had made earlier in the week. You had enjoyed half of them already with your daycare classmates and now it was time to enjoy the other half of the treats with your kindergarten class. You were so shy at first, but had agreed to wear your birthday crown from Mrs. Fitzpatrick all afternoon. Your class even sung Happy Birthday to you while you stood in front of the class and then your teacher gave you 6 birthday pinches and a hug to grow an inch. Everyone loved the birthday cupcakes and you were so proud. Your daycare teachers sent me an update from the day and told me that in response to being asked how it felt to be 6, you replied with "I have more energy and feel stronger!" Ha. Very cute.

Click HERE to watch your kindergarten class sing Happy Birthday to you!

Lao Lao came back over to our house where she gave you all of the presents she had brought home from NYC for you. Then we took a walk on our trail where you practiced jumping in *muddy puddles* (said with a British accent just like Peppa Pig) in your new Spiderman rain boots that she had brought you for your birthday. FYI: They worked great!

We headed out to dinner at your choice of restaurants, the Chinese buffet in Westerville (one of our favorites), then back home for bath and bed. Before we hit the hay, Brooklyn, Braycen and Brittany came over and surprised you with 3 cupcakes and candles and sung you Happy Birthday. It was all so very sweet. Once they were done, since both Brooklyn and Braycen's birthdays are also this time of year, we turned right back around and did the same thing for them with some of the chocolate cupcakes we had just taken to school. Too funny. Once again, I love our neighbors. What a great birthday!

Late that night, on the anniversary of your birth, I had some time to reflect and this is what I came up with...as shared on Facebook:
~ As another birthday winds down, I'm feeling grateful to Mali's first mama (and baba) for giving birth to this glorious child and giving me the opportunity to be Mali's second mama and take part in this wild adventure called life with her. She is nothing short of a miracle to her daddy and me.
Not a year will go by when I don't feel humbled by the thought of your first mama, your China mama, and the opportunity she has given our entire family to share your life with you. 

Friday we had breakfast with Lao Lao after speech and then Audrey Ayi came over to visit after school and surprised you with a birthday bin of surprises that she had hand-picked just for you. It was full of art supplies, books, and toys. Very cool.

so thoughtful of your ayi...I love that Audrey puts so
much thought into what she gives you.
it's all so very appreciated.

Saturday was the day of your big birthday party at the Chiller. We had pizza, cake, presents, with even a visit from Chilly Bear, and then (with 18 of your friends (and many of their parents)) went ice skating! Luckily not a single one of you broke any bones and it seemed like nearly everyone had a lot of fun trying out their skating legs. It was fun to watch many of your friends try ice skating for the first time and it felt like a big success to see their smiling faces during the experience. Initially though, you were so tired and feeling slightly under the weather, so the beginning of the party was a bit rough with you simply not acting like yourself at all. We later found out it was allergies (boo!). However once you got out on the ice, you perked up quite a bit (thank goodness). Daddy and I were both so proud of how well you shared your skate sled at the rink, and also how you remembered to look for and read the cards before opening each present. After the party, we headed home where some of our friends and family came over for more pizza and to play for a bit. You took off with your buddies and disappeared throughout the house, definitely feeling more in your element at home and in familiar surroundings. I asked you later what happened and how you felt at the ice rink during your party. You told me you felt shy because you'd never had a party there before. Sounds like you can be an awful lot like your mama and feel easily overwhelmed with big gatherings and too much activity. All's well that ends well though and when it was all said and done, it was a very nice celebration and you all seemed to have so much fun together. I am very grateful to have so many wonderful people in our lives.

a hug from Chilly Bear

only a few brave souls would go up and
stand with Chilly Bear
(the rest of your party guests were
huddled with their moms and
dads, crying ~ oops!)

the entire party crew after Chilly Bear left

quick snapshot with your cousins

Sunday was the finale of your birthday celebrations which led us to the Palace Theatre to see Shrek the Musical with your buddy, Jocelyn and her mom, Kristy. It was a longer musical than I expected but done really well and all for a good cause, to benefit Children's Hospital, and of course, the company was great!

such a fun and fancy theatre

evidently my flash was crazy bright...poor Jocelyn's eyes

here you are looking a little like a deer
in headlights as we waited for
the musical to begin

Shrek and the entire cast!

Then before bed that night, you helped Daddy for a bit in the kitchen and dubbed yourself his 'official taste tester', using your new apron from Aunt Lindsey, your new Uncle Jeff (as of 2/20/14 - Congrats, Mr. and Mrs. Winland!), Cate and Ellie!

It's been a whirlwind of a week, a marathon of celebrations, and now that it's all come to a close I feel very content. I hope you enjoyed celebrating another trip around the sun as much as your Daddy and I did.

Love you, my "not so baby" girl.
XOXO
Mama