Sigh of Relief...Surgery is Done! (We have the best village ever!!!)

Maliana ~

Nothing like jumping into something you've been dreading for a long time, first thing in the morning. Ok, so it wasn't FIRST thing in the morning, but it was on a Monday nonetheless. The first thing you did do that morning was ask me to play "surgery" with you on your baby Mickey doll, so we went through it all step by step (me as the nurse and you as the doctor), complete with an IV pole and everything. You even remembered riding in the wagon at the hospital (which happened two years ago!) To your credit, you were very informed about what was going to happen and were taking it fairly well and in stride. Later in the morning, Audrey and Lao Lao came over and played with you while we got last minute stuff together. It was so nice to have a miniature support net even before leaving the house!

Lao Lao brought you the whole series of Walter the Farting Dog books,
complete with the actual farting dog toy...awesome.

After arriving at the hospital, we waited in the pre-surgery waiting room and in the quiet moments in between frantically prepping you, you quietly squeezed my hand three times, our non-verbal way of saying "I love you" to each other. My heart just melted. We met our first of a ton of wonderful nurses during this hospital stay, who let you take, not one, but two toys before going into surgery. One of them she shoved into my hands, saying, "We'll have Mommy smuggle this one for you too" and it happened to be a sparkly dolphin, which I took as a good luck omen since just last week Annie from our Chinese dinner had presented you with a glass sculpture of dolphins for good luck.

After waiting a bit, the next hurdle was getting you into the operating room. Handing you over (or more like peeling you off of me) to the nurses when it was time to actually go into the O.R. was extremely difficult. Listening to you sob as they walked you down the long corridor was heartbreaking. Even after taking Versed, you were still completely distraught. I don't think any amount of drugs can make that easier. After shedding a lot of tears with Daddy, we headed into the waiting room and sat with Audrey, Lao Lao, Memaw, and Papaw. Let me tell you, it was the most relaxing and (dare I say?) fun surgery waits I have had in a long time. We knew you were in excellent hands (the doctors and nurses at Children's are PHENOMENAL) so we figured we'd make the best of it. Not to mention the tons of calls, texts, emails, and messages we had been sent from our friends and family members all morning (and even in previous days) leading up to the surgery. I so love our little village...we are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives sharing smiles, laughs, hugs, tears, wisdom, comfort, and just lending their presence. I don't know what I'd do without these awesome people.

After about an hour and a half, Dr. Pearson came out and said everything went perfectly and we all breathed a sigh of relief. I finally felt able to take a full breath, the first I've been able to since all of my anxiety began building a few weeks ago. Eventually we got to go upstairs and met you in your assigned room where you looked so tiny in the big bed. You were still very sedated, and so we all crowded into your room and continued to joke and laugh. Although you weren't very responsive to much, Daddy asked you at one point, "Are they being crazy?" to which you surprised us all with a nod of your head. Evidently, you were still aware and taking it all in, even though you were so sedated that you could barely open your eyes all the way. You are such a trooper. I am so proud of your strength and courage, amazed at you every day.

poor sedated baby

 

yay! so relieved you are done!

And speaking of troopers, I would be remiss if I did not give a huge shout out to the nurses at Children's Hospital. Woot Woot! You ladies and gentlemen rock! They constantly amaze me at how patient and friendly they are...we are so lucky to live so close to such a top notch facility as our Children's Hospital.

 

And speaking of top notch, another huge shout out to your Lao Lao. She took the day off again on Tuesday and headed back down to the hospital to hang out, provide support, and bring you another toy (a super cool dinosaur "operation" game!) to occupy the time you were stuck in bed recovering. It all made me think about how, as parents, we desperately try to do whatever we can to "make it all better" for our children. As you kids get older, this task gets a lot more complicated and difficult, even feeling impossible at times to comfort you in meaningful ways. Watching Lao Lao maintain a silent (and often silly) vigil and provide a peaceful presence during our time at the hospital, I realized that as parents, the how we "make it all better" may change, but it's actually never an impossible task to make a difference. We parents may not be able to take away all of the pain or anxiety or fear over something...but just by showing up and being present can make a huge difference in how our kids (and any loved ones) experience life. Never underestimate the power of simply "showing up"...you may feel small but you can move mountains by just being there for someone. As for Lao Lao, I can't begin to express how grateful we are to have such support. I recognize how hard it can be to change schedules around to "show up" for us all like she did...so thank you Lao Lao....thank you, thank you, thank you. Your love and presence does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

 

While still at the hospital, Lao Lao helped us shuffle you down to the playroom, IV pole and all, just trying to get you up and out of your room for a bit. By the time we took this venture you were pretty tired of being poked and prodded. At one point you got tired of the three of us goofy adults and yanked the IV pole away from us, scooting yourself down the hall on your own and steering your IV contraption pretty darn well even though you were only about a third of its height. I laughed a bit but it didn't surprise me much...my tough little fighter. I also giggled again when Lao Lao first got to the hospital and as she asked, "Mali, how are you feeling?" you replied, "Good, how's Audrey?" So cute. In the middle of all of this...you were still concerned about others.

 

Late on Tuesday, the doctor made some last rounds and "sprung" you around 6pm which surprised us all. As nice as the new hospital and its staff was, we were SO happy to get out of there. Audrey was at home when we got there, having taken care of Abby while we were away, and she stayed there to hang out with us before going home. As I took care of some stuff in the kitchen, I loved hearing you play with Audrey on the floor, safe and sound from the surgery I had been dreading, and home where you belong.

you made the nurse take Baby Mickey's vitals too

in the playroom

 

IV pole rodeo

 

back to normal...home where you belong

Our first official day at home we were surprised by a delivery of balloons from Wai Gong, Memaw Lisa, Uncle Blaize, and Reuben. We spent most of the day relaxing and enjoying being in our own house, and then in early evening I bundled us up and we took Abby for a walk. As the sky changed to brilliant pinks and purples, I pointed it out to you and you exclaimed "Holy crap!" While your choice of words may need some tweaking, I love your healthy appreciation for the beauty of nature.

thank you Wai Gong, Memaw Lisa,
and Uncle Blaize!

 

the "holy crap!" invoking sunset

We also painted a birdhouse that day, excitedly unveiling it to Daddy with a countdown (and just when we had agreed on counting down from 3, you whispered to me, "I can count to 20!" to which I replied, "I think 3 is sufficient"). Ha ha.

Although there have been lots of struggles through all of this, I love the many other positive things I have witnessed in you during this stressful time...like all on your own saying lots of "pleases", "thank yous", and "no thank yous" to the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I did have to laugh though as the nurses would come in to take your vitals or give you your medicine and you would calmly tell them, "no thank you"...as if you had a choice. And taking medicine at home is still a challenge but now you are less inclined to kick or scream and more inclined to calmly inform us, "Well, that's not really my favorite". You are just so precious.

I headed back to work for a partial day on Friday, while you and Daddy stayed home and hit the town at Easton playing video games and having a lunch date at KDB, then sharing an ice cream cone at Graeter's. Daddy sent me the below picture of you with the caption..."She is one mean pinball player!"

taking no prisoners

Your stamina is still a bit lower though, so by the time I got home you were pretty pooped and ended up sleeping on me for an hour. As I sat there, (getting roasted like an oven from your hot little body draped over me, as well as listening to your newly developed snores that make you sound like a cross between a bulldog and Snuffalupagus), I couldn't help but think that someday (probably sooner than I'm willing to admit) you will be too big to comfortably fit on my lap. I ignored any traces of discomfort I felt in the moment and just soaked you in, memorizing the way your head smelled or how the weight of your body felt on me. How fast these days will be gone. Once you woke up, I enjoyed listening to your new voice, (a bit higher pitched and tinier now since you are not using as much of your throat to articulate or project your speech), while we played a mix of Candyland/race cars/construction vehicles (your own personal concoction of a game) and then Cooties. I just love spending this time with you.

While it's been a bit rough since being home from the hospital and the lack of a normal schedule or a good night's sleep has made us all a bit cranky, you definitely haven't lost a bit of your wit as you can see from my Facebook status on Saturday:
~ Mali was asking me why she had a hole in her palate to which I replied that it's just the way she was born, kind of like how I was born with brown eyes and brown hair...to which she replied, "and a tiny butt!"....Ahhh...God Bless this kid :) Nothing like a compliment from your almost 5 year old to start your day right! Ha.

Saturday afternoon your teacher Ms. Beth came to visit and brought you some gifts, including "get well" cards from your entire class. She also told us that on the Friday before your surgery she had you get up during circle time and share with the class about your upcoming surgery. She said that by the time Monday rolled around, all of your friends were so excited to make you cards to help you feel better. I love that something that could have been so scary was turned into a learning opportunity and something interesting, as well as a source from which to draw support from your own little village at school. I also love that you have a teacher that cares about you and considers you important enough to come visit you, even on her day off. In my opinion, a child can never have too many people that care about him or her...and trust me, you have no shortage. We are so very fortunate.

Ms. Beth is here!

 

homemade "get well" cards from your classmates

Not only did you receive cards from all of your classmates, but also some handmade cards from your friends Carter and Cassidy, and another card from Mia and her family. It's so nice to know that we have such thoughtful people in our lives. Knowing how wonderful it has made us feel, it's also a great reminder of how thoughtful we need to strive to be for others as well.

Sunday was family day and we spent much of it at COSI. You were so tired after having another rough night of interrupted sleep, but tried your best to rally and ended up having fun.

redirecting water in the Ocean section at COSI

 

look at that exertion...working the air cannon pulley

 

learning about magnets and conduction at one
of their Science A La Carts

 

you love your toolbelts

 

going to be an engineer someday?

 

loving the train set

 

on our way home...COSI trip a success!

After COSI, you were so tired, but fought showing any signs of fatigue harder than any soldier in the heat of battle. We played horsey, race cars, hospital, and even put on a guerilla style puppet show for Daddy before settling in to watch a little TV before bed. All of our schedules are pretty off kilter right now, but thankfully we've got one more week before you must return to school. It may be a long few weeks ahead of us as you adjust your breathing while you sleep, but it's definitely a small price to pay for having a super successful surgery that will bring even more opportunity for you to get closer to clearer speech as you get older. I am so thankful that we can put this behind us and I (all of us really) can move forward with a clear mind again. But what this has taught me, and please remember this in your life as well...anticipation is often the worst part of any challenge...and it's usually never as bad as you think it will be.

Love,
Mama