Family, Framily, and Fall Foliage

Maliana ~

It was peak fall color this week. Gorgeous weather (with a little rain) and oranges, yellows, reds, and maroons on the foliage that could make a grown man weep. I love this time of year and my only gripe is that it doesn't last nearly long enough. That being said, I'll work backwards from the weekend to the beginning of the week.

On Saturday morning, you and I attended a workshop for adoptive families called "The Power of Me". The children's group that you participated in revolved around how to handle the topic of adoption if it is brought up by someone else and how to handle questions that you may or may not want to answer, basically helping you remember that just because someone asks you a question about your life or brings up the topic to discuss does not mean you have to share anything you don't want to and to remind you that you are always in control of how much or how little you wish to share with others. I hope you got some useful information out of the group and I am so grateful that some of your Fu friends (Mia, Lainey, and Gia) were there with you for support. My group for adoptive parents centered around having a discussion with two birth mothers. It was a wonderful group and I was so grateful to hear that perspective. We even discussed the possibility of choosing an appropriate age to form a group for adoptive children to talk with birth mothers so that they could ask them questions that you either might not feel comfortable talking to Daddy and me about or questions that would be helpful to hear from a birth mother. You and your friends in the Fu group are too young for this particular kind of group right now, but I imagine it could be a useful resource at some point as you get older and begin to parcel out your life story and identity. There were a lot of emotions during the grown-ups' group and the one thing that was very evident from birth mother and adoptive parent perspectives alike was how much you children are loved and thought of every single day. We all just want to do what's best for you and often feel at such a loss and/or completely lost no matter what we try. The place where any adoptive child's story begins is a place of pain and separation and so it's a very complicated issue for anyone involved. I guess that's why I am so grateful for the support we can all find in groups, workshops, and friendships like these.

Regardless of the heaviness of our morning workshops, it was nice to see our buddies again and afterwards, you and I headed up to the church playground on the hill to have a really fun time under the golden foliage surrounding the area. We had the place all to ourselves and I loved just being silly with you, belly laughing as we ran from jungle gym to fort to merry-go-round, etc.

You chose Taco Bell for our lunch afterwards and as we ate, I talked to you a bit about the morning's groups. One of the things that came up in our parents' group was wondering how we can help you kids feel more comfortable talking to us about difficult topics, in particular, adoption. At this point in our lives, I find myself waiting for you to ask more questions about your birth mom (and family) but you don't say much yet. On the one hand, I don't want to force the issue; but on the other hand, I definitely want to make sure that you know it's a completely open topic in our family and we welcome any discussion, no matter what. I may not have the answers that you seek, but I will always be here to listen and explore or navigate with you any time you wish. So far, you seem to clam up or not say much when I ask you directly about any potentially emotional topics, so while we ate our tacos, I said, "You know, Mali. I think about your China mommy a lot. Is it ok for me to talk to you about her when I think about her?" And to my surprise, this approach seemed to evoke a more receptive response and you said, "Sure!" I was so delighted to see the door crack open just a bit more for us in this area.

Baby steps. One by one. We'll get there.

At lunch we also discussed our cousin Allie's wedding which was that night. You stayed home to party down with Memaw and Papaw but Daddy, Lao Lao and I got all gussied up to celebrate with Allie and Blake. You made sure to tell me, "Mom, tell Allie I said hi and also make sure to get a romantic picture of her wedding dress"... Well, Punkin'...here it is!

And here are a few shots from before and at the wedding too... See, we all clean up pretty nicely for some old folks!

Uncles Matt and Mark

Jack and Cindy
(Matt, Mark, and Lori's Mom and Step Dad)

and here's your lao lao, man-handling
the groom...poor Blake ~ ha ha!

On Sunday we kept up the momentum of seeing family and fall foliage and wound up out at "the farm" as I used to call it as a kid. We drove out near Bellefontaine to Jack and Cindy's house where Uncles Matt and Mark spent most of their childhood. They were in town from Austin TX for Allie's wedding and so we were going to soak up as much of them as we could. We got to spend time with more of their family members and in particular, Jack and Cindy, people that we have known for many moons and have only in recent years with whom we have been able to reunite. Aunt Lori, Allie's mama and Cindy's daughter, was very near to our minds and hearts with the wedding this weekend and the entire event was very emotional. It was nice to step out into the country, be in the company of others who adore Lori as well, and embrace each other and the peace of the land out there. It truly is a little slice of Heaven and made my heart soar to see you enjoying yourself just as I had as a child. Watching you explore reminded me of the days I would run around with Uncle Matt and Uncle Mark on that same property over 25 years ago. Uncles who felt more like brothers to me, and still do. Here...see for yourself.

you and Zoe (Jack and Cindy's great-
granddaughter) climbing the dirt pile
from where Jack is digging a lake

you in front of the stone wall that I used to sit and eat
many meals on when I would visit the farm as a child

Daddy and Mark walking past the lake and
up the driveway to the house

Uncle Matt and Lao Lao

you enjoying a swing under the beautiful tree in front
of the stone wall I mentioned earlier

The rest of the week we also had some more fun visits with "framily". Audrey came to see us after work and since she was still in her uniform, you just had to go and grab your "workin' man's" suit and I snapped this picture. You crack me up!

this looks like a shady business deal if
I ever saw one!

We attended the Octoberfest at your school too. I helped the PTA and worked the ticket table for the first portion of it and then joined you and Daddy for some yummy shaved ice treats and a stroll through the book fair.

showing us your tree from art class

We also helped E celebrate her actual birthday with a visit to Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina's for some yummy Mexican food and toasts with caramel apple sparkling juice for you girls. So many laughs and squeals...time with them is good for the soul. We also got to meet their new puppy, Bea. A rescue from the local shelter and the sweetest little critter we've met in a while. So excited to welcome a new four-legged member into our "framily".

Bea gives "hugs" just like Suzy does!

And finally, we wrapped up your last group swimming lesson this week. Unexpectedly, they pulled out a canoe in the pool and let you guys ride around in it. Clearly, the final swimming lesson was all about fun and judging by your smile below, that's just what you had.

Now, let's all take a lesson from you and jump into next week with a big grin!

Love,
Mama

A Happy Life

Maliana ~

Just when I think our lives are slowing down a bit, here comes another busy and fun-filled week. For starters, we celebrated 2 more birthdays, Daddy's and E's!

For Daddy, we surprised him with cinnamon rolls (his favorite) with candles in them, a "Happy Birthday" song with dancing in the kitchen, hiding and jumping out at him (before he was even awake ~ sorry, Daddy), and a life-size drawing of you to wish him "Happy Birthday!" in lieu of a card. He loved it and it felt ah-mazing to begin another day together. I love our little family.

putting the candles in the cinnamon rolls

so, "in a flash" is a current favorite phrase of yours.
after Daddy polished off one of the cinnamon rolls, you said,
"Daddy! You ate that in a flash!" Ha ha.

with your self portrait whose shirt says,
"Happy Birthday Love Dad"

E's birthday celebration was spent at the zoo with you and 2 more of her buddies. It was perfect weather with just a slight chill in the fresh air and lots of beautiful fall colors on the trees. As you can tell by the pictures below, you girls had a great time exploring the zoo!

dead fish for the sting rays ~ yum!

of course, the obligatory photo booth

prairie dogs and a prairie dog hunter, ha.

A slightly more bittersweet celebration also occurred when we attended Senior Night at Lalie's volleyball game. It was her final home game of her high school volleyball career before tournaments begin. It was pretty emotional for their entire family. Heck, I even got choked up a few times too. It was very sweet to see Mark and Jenny so moved and proud of their little girl. I definitely have a deeper understanding when I see parents rejoicing in their children's successes now that I'm a mom myself. Way to go, Natalia!

lots of emotions

saying that you adore Lalie is an understatement

And speaking of being blown away by your kids, you surprised and impressed Daddy and me once again this week. On one particular day on the way home from daycare, you were very frank with me about what is happening with the kids at school, both good and bad. One thing in particular was on the tip of your tongue that afternoon. It revolved around an incident involving the usual run-ins with girls who aren't being the nicest and are beginning to exclude others, just because they can. Uggh. I can't believe it's happening already, but then again, I can't say that I'm surprised as I recall my own school days. As you relayed the story with me, I was very thankful that you are so open and willing to share with me. I also felt thankful that you described other kids at school, friends of yours who are willing to stand up for you and each other. As Daddy and I discussed what you had shared with me later that night over coffee, we both agreed that you are so much wiser than the both of us put together at your age. We are amazed that you can stay so kind and open-minded in the face of some pretty crappy treatment from others. You are like a duck in water with your ability to let things roll off your back. You have a beautiful insistence on seeking out the good in others, rather than writing them off. You are so much more advanced than I could have imagined or hoped for in this department. I told Daddy that I really want his help so that I don't ruin this part of your nature, since I tend to struggle in this area of my own life. He promised he'd help me. And I promise to keep working on myself. In the meantime, I find myself wondering, "How can I be so sure that Mali is not the reincarnation of Buddha? I wonder how I go about finding that out....hmmm".

Also, here are some more fun Mali-isms and/or quirky little details that I loved from this week...
Enjoy!

you told me, "If you are in my family, you have to wear a sticker!"
(so, check out my new belt buckle that I wore all day)

You told me that you really love "basket hounds" (aka basset hounds) and asked if we can get one and name it Clifford (after Clifford the Big Red Dog).

And one day, as you watched a show with a character telling a little girl that she couldn't be a scientist simply because she was a girl, you paused it and looked at me with an incredulous and disgusted look and said, "That's not right! Girls can be anything they want!" ...I LOVE that you can already call B.S. on that $h!t at only 6 years old. You go, girl!

Finally, we wrapped up Sunday of this weekend by sleeping in until almost 10am! Yes, my little late-night SNL buddy (you!) was very well-rested when you sleepily wandered into the living room to climb under a soft blanket and snuggle with me on the couch. We lay there for a while, looking out as the dappled morning sunlight came through the still green leaves of our sweet gum tree outside the front window. I love lazy morning snuggle time. So peaceful.

Later we headed down on a mini road trip to Logan with Lao Lao and Uncle Flint to see Uncle Forge's new apartment and check out where he goes to college. He gave us a tour of the glass blowing studio and even showed us how he blows glass in the "hot shop". It was really cool to get to see this art form up close and personal. Uncle Forge is a pretty talented guy! He even let you pick some colors and made you a paperweight as we watched. You were very surprised and amazed that this was actually where he goes to school! I guess in your 6 years, you are only familiar with a very limited idea of what school looks like...this opened your eyes to something new. Neat stuff.

checking out some of his projects

watching Uncle Forge from a safe distance

blowing the glass

a little assistance from Uncle Flint

putting the colors that you picked out on the glass

heating up the colors onto the glass

twisting it to make the design inside
your future paperweight

rounding it out

checking out the almost finished product

getting ready to set it up to cool

always teasing you. always.

at Uncle Forge's new place

giving Iroh bunny ears

After such a fantastic week and weekend, you were in an even more fantastical mood. You seem to light up when you get solid sleep and spend quality time with those you love. Actually, I think you're on to something. Sounds like at least the beginning of an almost perfect recipe for a good life. Getting plenty of rest + Quality time with loved ones =  A happy life. I know there's more that goes into that equation, but this week highlighted at least those two ingredients for me. I'll have to remember that.

Love you, Squirt.

Love,
Mama

Birthday, Pizza, and Pumpkins

Maliana ~

A good start to our week was right in my rearview mirror on Monday. On the way home from school we chatted about your day just like we usually do. However I was taken aback as we got to one topic and I watched your face completely light up; your grin spreading from ear to ear; and your lips curve up in a mischievous yet completely innocent exuberance. You had just asked me if I knew why you were so excited, revealing to me that it was because you had hip hop class that night. It made me smile just like you were in that backseat at that moment to hear you say that. I am so incredibly happy that we've finally found an activity that makes your eyes sparkle and gets you excited like this. Love, love, love it!

And while you may get excited about shaking it in your hip hop class, I was not entirely excited about my big "thing" this week. Yep. That's right. My birthday. The big ol' 39. It could have had a lot to do with the cold snap in our weather this week though...I can get pretty cranky when I'm cold. On the actual day, I was happy to go in to work later, getting a run in before you woke up, making you breakfast and getting birthday hugs and kisses before leaving for my day. You also couldn't wait to give me my special birthday card ("Mom, it plays music and lights up!"). And you and Daddy even got me some beautifully thoughtful necklace charms that you and I can wear together. I love, love, love them.

While the birthday itself just felt like any other day, I loved the sweet gestures and effort you both put into celebrating my day.

By the time I got home that night, all I wanted to do was put on my slippers and jammies, curl up with a pizza, and snuggle with you guys before bed. I guess birthdays are a wee bit different at 39 vs 9. But...I suppose all birthdays are good occasions for celebration of some sort, even if it's pizza, jammies, and slippers with the ones you love. Getting to specially recognize and be grateful for another trip around the sun is never bad.

And of course, my birthday wouldn't be complete without mentioning my special birthday bouquet from Lao Lao that was waiting for me when I arrived home. It's an annual tradition that is near and dear to my heart and something that I look forward to each year.

here they are...story below for why they are
such a significant symbol

On the day my mom went into the hospital to give birth, we had not yet had our first frost. The rose bush in our front yard was still in bloom. On the day she arrived home with me, we'd had our first frost of the year. All of the roses were dead except for a single beautiful red rose. Now, every year on my birthday, Mom sends a bouquet of wildflowers with a single red rose. It's her special tradition that I look forward to each year.

Here's a link to another place where I mentioned this story on my blog before you even came home...and how I link part of your beginnings with us to rainbows. The entry is called Roses and Rainbows.

And just in case anything happens to the on-line blog link above...here is the part of the entry that describes the connection:

"Well, the same exact day (February 11th) that we got our first approval, the pre-approval, from the Chinese government…the first time we could take one deep sigh of relief…was the same day here in Columbus that a double rainbow graced our skies. It was so beautiful and such a big deal that even some of the news on the radio was mentioning it as they talked about the traffic on my drive home from work. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get home and get the camera out quick enough to capture it, however I was talking to my mom last weekend and saw that she had a picture of it in her phone, so I asked that she send it to me to include in this blog. 

I’m so glad to have this photo and be able to pass this story on to Mali. I know that my single red rose story has meant a lot to me, has made me feel special over the years…and I hope we can use rainbows as one way to symbolize our love for Mali over the years as well. I have always loved and felt a strong connection to nature…seeing its beauty everywhere. I hope to pass this appreciation on to Mali and I also hope that whenever she is lucky enough to see a rainbow in the sky…she’ll be reminded of how special she is and how much she is loved."

Along with the good stuff this week, we also had a difficult and equally touching conversation with you as well. During our usual after school conversation one day, you told me there was something in particular that had happened that you were afraid to tell me. You thought I would be mad at you. Alarm bells went off in my head, immediately thinking that it was another bully-type situation. Well, after a little cajoling, you finally shared a story where you and a classmate (the same one that has been a pain in your rear lately) got in trouble because she had tried to take your chair that day and it ended in a tug of war over it, with the chair toppling over in a loud bang which got the teacher's attention. Evidently, the teacher called you over to her and you both got in trouble. When you shared this part, you began crying huge elephant tears with your face scrunched up in emotional pain. It broke my heart. I wanted to stop the car right then and there and give you a big hug. I did reach backwards and stroke your leg, asking what was making your heart hurt so much, discovering that it was because you felt like you had disappointed your teacher and that made you very, very upset. And that broke my heart all over again.

At that point, I shared a similar story from my own life, trying to connect with you. We're more alike than you realize, kiddo. Then, we talked about how everyone makes mistakes, how our mistakes have nothing to do with the kind of people we are deep down inside, how that teacher feels the same about you now as she did before all of this happened, how mistakes are just tools we use to learn how to make better choices next time, and how no matter what you do or what kind of mistakes you make at school or anywhere else in your life, I will love you no matter what and that those mistakes have nothing to do with who you are in your heart. I told you that I was so glad that you told me this, even if it was painful for you. I told you that I hope you can always tell me things, even (and especially) the hard stuff.

Remember what I said about how we're more alike than you realize? Well, your daddy and I both used to feel this way when we were kids, and even as adults we sometimes still do...so we can relate. Believe me, we can relate. While this was a difficult thing for you to go through, I am so glad to see that your interactions with others really do mean a lot to you. You are a sensitive soul and sometimes sensitive souls get hurt, but I wouldn't want it any other way. That being said, you may get hurt more often than the average person, but you also will have the ability to love deeper than the average person too. And love? That's why we're all here.

This episode also led into another conversation about how this same (pain in the rear) kid was saying some mean things to you again too. They were claiming that they have more friends than you, undoubtedly just trying to upset you and make themselves feel better. Not a nice conversation to be a part of, I'm sure. *sigh* However, this little tidbit led to a discussion between you and me on how it's not about how many friends any of us have but actually what kind of friends we have. It's about the quality of our friends. I shared with you that for myself, as I have gotten older, my "friend pool" has dwindled, however the depth of my friendships has grown quite a lot. You were puzzled at first when I told you this, but then I think you got it. I think it's one of those things that you truly come to understand only with age and experience (and quite frankly, not wanting to put up with any more crap!) I sure hope some of my mommy blabbering is sinking in, even if you can't see it clearly yet. Unfortunately you will undoubtedly encounter more than one "friend" who doesn't necessarily have your best interests at heart, (we all do), but hopefully you will learn to discern these "friends" from the true friends who understand and love you no matter what. Add that wish to my many other wishes for your life. Like all of the others, I hope it comes true.

But...anyway...back to the lighter side of our week. On Friday, we attempted a new strategy for our family. Seeing as how we are all guilty of relying too much on technology for entertainment, escape, relaxation, and information overload too much of the time...we tried to make our Friday this week a "Phone Free Friday". (I would have thrown I-Pad in the name too but it wasn't as phonetically fun to say). *smile* Basically, we put our phones away and I went and got some movies and a bunch of supplies for our first ever home-made pizza face contest! Lao Lao came down and enjoyed the evening with us too. You ended up taking the competition pretty seriously and all of us got to show off our creativity. You were so funny and I think they turned out really good! Don't you?

After that, we piled downstairs on the air mattress bed in front of the couch and snuggled up to watch Madagascar together. I love it when you are totally in the moment and laugh out loud at something you see. It's just so cute!

Saturday morning began with you and Daddy heading to breakfast with Memaw and Papaw, then you both swung home and picked me up so that we could go to Orchard and Co. to meet our Fu friends for the monthly play group. It was really cold and windy, with even a wintry mix of hail at one point (crazy Ohio weather ~ it was 80 degrees just a few days ago!), but it was still a lot of fun and great to see our friends, as usual.

we had no idea why there was a bumble bee at
the pumpkin patch but he was giving
away free pumpkins so hey, we
just went with it.

you LOVED these pedal cars!

barrel train rides

even tried out the zip line!

with a little help

Daddy loved the big jumping pillow about
as much as all of you kids

and you loved sliding back down it (with
Lainey attempting to help you back up)

We came home to warm our weary bones up and then you headed off with Lao Lao to see the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie that night. Seeing as how you are always wanting to leave the theatre mid-movie, usually at even the suggestion of any "bad guys" or tension in the plot, we decided you should bring your favorite soft owl blanket with you and you ended up using it to cover your head during the scary parts. Well, with an additional bit of convincing from Lao Lao at some of the most intense scenes, you actually ended up staying through a whole movie for once! So glad we may have finally figured out the trick for you.

Finally, Sunday was for sleeping in, swim lessons, and taking care of things around the house. You did end up spending a good chunk of Sunday afternoon and evening with our neighbors (Mike and your buddy, Sophia) which freed up more time for Daddy and me to get a ton done at home without any distractions. It really felt nice to take a day for ourselves, just hanging around the 'hood. We're blessed to lead busy and fun lives shared with many wonderful people, but sometimes it's also a blessing to slow things down and just "be" for a while. We probably need to do that more often. This Sunday was a calm, cool, and breezy autumn day that was perfect for doing just that.

Love,
Mama