Family, Framily, and Fall Foliage

Maliana ~

It was peak fall color this week. Gorgeous weather (with a little rain) and oranges, yellows, reds, and maroons on the foliage that could make a grown man weep. I love this time of year and my only gripe is that it doesn't last nearly long enough. That being said, I'll work backwards from the weekend to the beginning of the week.

On Saturday morning, you and I attended a workshop for adoptive families called "The Power of Me". The children's group that you participated in revolved around how to handle the topic of adoption if it is brought up by someone else and how to handle questions that you may or may not want to answer, basically helping you remember that just because someone asks you a question about your life or brings up the topic to discuss does not mean you have to share anything you don't want to and to remind you that you are always in control of how much or how little you wish to share with others. I hope you got some useful information out of the group and I am so grateful that some of your Fu friends (Mia, Lainey, and Gia) were there with you for support. My group for adoptive parents centered around having a discussion with two birth mothers. It was a wonderful group and I was so grateful to hear that perspective. We even discussed the possibility of choosing an appropriate age to form a group for adoptive children to talk with birth mothers so that they could ask them questions that you either might not feel comfortable talking to Daddy and me about or questions that would be helpful to hear from a birth mother. You and your friends in the Fu group are too young for this particular kind of group right now, but I imagine it could be a useful resource at some point as you get older and begin to parcel out your life story and identity. There were a lot of emotions during the grown-ups' group and the one thing that was very evident from birth mother and adoptive parent perspectives alike was how much you children are loved and thought of every single day. We all just want to do what's best for you and often feel at such a loss and/or completely lost no matter what we try. The place where any adoptive child's story begins is a place of pain and separation and so it's a very complicated issue for anyone involved. I guess that's why I am so grateful for the support we can all find in groups, workshops, and friendships like these.

Regardless of the heaviness of our morning workshops, it was nice to see our buddies again and afterwards, you and I headed up to the church playground on the hill to have a really fun time under the golden foliage surrounding the area. We had the place all to ourselves and I loved just being silly with you, belly laughing as we ran from jungle gym to fort to merry-go-round, etc.

You chose Taco Bell for our lunch afterwards and as we ate, I talked to you a bit about the morning's groups. One of the things that came up in our parents' group was wondering how we can help you kids feel more comfortable talking to us about difficult topics, in particular, adoption. At this point in our lives, I find myself waiting for you to ask more questions about your birth mom (and family) but you don't say much yet. On the one hand, I don't want to force the issue; but on the other hand, I definitely want to make sure that you know it's a completely open topic in our family and we welcome any discussion, no matter what. I may not have the answers that you seek, but I will always be here to listen and explore or navigate with you any time you wish. So far, you seem to clam up or not say much when I ask you directly about any potentially emotional topics, so while we ate our tacos, I said, "You know, Mali. I think about your China mommy a lot. Is it ok for me to talk to you about her when I think about her?" And to my surprise, this approach seemed to evoke a more receptive response and you said, "Sure!" I was so delighted to see the door crack open just a bit more for us in this area.

Baby steps. One by one. We'll get there.

At lunch we also discussed our cousin Allie's wedding which was that night. You stayed home to party down with Memaw and Papaw but Daddy, Lao Lao and I got all gussied up to celebrate with Allie and Blake. You made sure to tell me, "Mom, tell Allie I said hi and also make sure to get a romantic picture of her wedding dress"... Well, Punkin'...here it is!

And here are a few shots from before and at the wedding too... See, we all clean up pretty nicely for some old folks!

Uncles Matt and Mark

Jack and Cindy
(Matt, Mark, and Lori's Mom and Step Dad)

and here's your lao lao, man-handling
the groom...poor Blake ~ ha ha!

On Sunday we kept up the momentum of seeing family and fall foliage and wound up out at "the farm" as I used to call it as a kid. We drove out near Bellefontaine to Jack and Cindy's house where Uncles Matt and Mark spent most of their childhood. They were in town from Austin TX for Allie's wedding and so we were going to soak up as much of them as we could. We got to spend time with more of their family members and in particular, Jack and Cindy, people that we have known for many moons and have only in recent years with whom we have been able to reunite. Aunt Lori, Allie's mama and Cindy's daughter, was very near to our minds and hearts with the wedding this weekend and the entire event was very emotional. It was nice to step out into the country, be in the company of others who adore Lori as well, and embrace each other and the peace of the land out there. It truly is a little slice of Heaven and made my heart soar to see you enjoying yourself just as I had as a child. Watching you explore reminded me of the days I would run around with Uncle Matt and Uncle Mark on that same property over 25 years ago. Uncles who felt more like brothers to me, and still do. Here...see for yourself.

you and Zoe (Jack and Cindy's great-
granddaughter) climbing the dirt pile
from where Jack is digging a lake

you in front of the stone wall that I used to sit and eat
many meals on when I would visit the farm as a child

Daddy and Mark walking past the lake and
up the driveway to the house

Uncle Matt and Lao Lao

you enjoying a swing under the beautiful tree in front
of the stone wall I mentioned earlier

The rest of the week we also had some more fun visits with "framily". Audrey came to see us after work and since she was still in her uniform, you just had to go and grab your "workin' man's" suit and I snapped this picture. You crack me up!

this looks like a shady business deal if
I ever saw one!

We attended the Octoberfest at your school too. I helped the PTA and worked the ticket table for the first portion of it and then joined you and Daddy for some yummy shaved ice treats and a stroll through the book fair.

showing us your tree from art class

We also helped E celebrate her actual birthday with a visit to Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina's for some yummy Mexican food and toasts with caramel apple sparkling juice for you girls. So many laughs and squeals...time with them is good for the soul. We also got to meet their new puppy, Bea. A rescue from the local shelter and the sweetest little critter we've met in a while. So excited to welcome a new four-legged member into our "framily".

Bea gives "hugs" just like Suzy does!

And finally, we wrapped up your last group swimming lesson this week. Unexpectedly, they pulled out a canoe in the pool and let you guys ride around in it. Clearly, the final swimming lesson was all about fun and judging by your smile below, that's just what you had.

Now, let's all take a lesson from you and jump into next week with a big grin!

Love,
Mama