Building Bonds in Virginia

Maliana ~

I feel so far behind and a little bit beaten up after the past week and a half in dealing with, well, life. Aside from the uber bright spot of finally getting to meet and spend time with some friends in Virginia, it’s been an extremely challenging time. As you and I seemed to be getting sicker and sicker (with a nasty virus and draining cases of bronchitis), the house remodel seemed to be getting more and more chaotic, and the departure date for our long-awaited vacation loomed closer and closer. It seemed that if anything could go wrong for us last week, it did. I just wanted to, and did, curl up in a ball numerous times and wish for some type of relief. Fortunately, with some good antibiotics, rest (when we could get it), and a little bit of luck, you and I got well enough to join Daddy on our adventure to Virginia. Thank goodness!

Backing up a bit though, I do have to make an honorable mention of your amazing empathy as you began to feel better and the brunt of that illness hit me. As I sunk deeper into feeling like a Mack truck had run me over, you noticed and said, “Poor Mommy”, then took it upon yourself to tell me to lie down next to you and tickled my back as we watched TV one day while home from work and school. I couldn’t believe it. It was the sweetest little gesture. You were so empathic. Sometimes I wonder if you really are four, or are actually an older person trapped in a kid’s body. But then you put my quandaries to rest on day three of my illness by saying, “Don’t cough on my picture!” when I was having a coughing fit as you colored next to me. I guess three days is your limit for feeling sorry for dear old Mom.

By the end of day three though, after being holed up with you in our bedroom to stay out of the way of the construction work, I found myself even feeling thankful for being sick with you. After raiding the pharmacy in the morning, gathering a fresh stockpile of snacks and activities, painting our nails, taking a nap together, and watching show after show on PBS, I realized (all over again) what an awesome kid you are. You never complained once about being cooped up with me, and we just made the best of it. I may not wish for either of us to be sick very often, but the silver lining in it all is that you and I got to spend a whole day together full of undistracted bonding time. I can honestly say that there aren’t many other people I’d rather be sick with than you, monkey.

I was also relieved to see you begin to goof around again, catching you conversing with yourself in the mirror at one point, (e.g. “Hi! You’re Maliana? …I’m Maliana!”). Ha ha. You were obviously feeling better.

By Thursday, we made an emergency detour to your doctor for some meds to take on our trip, just to be sure that we had kicked this illness’s butt. We hit a few snags in actually getting the prescriptions filled, but by the time we finally hit the freeway, your enthusiasm was contagious as you looked from Daddy to me and said while clapping, “This is gonna be exciting!” You did great on the road trip, aside from being very concerned that we had taken a wrong turn and were actually in the Smokey Mountains again. You are so perceptive!

We collapsed into bed in Luray, VA and woke up on Friday to hit the Luray Caverns. Our first of many fun times this weekend.

Dream Lake inside the caverns...only 18" of water but looked endlessly deep

keeping track of slow poke Daddy, making sure he was keeping up
with the group

feeling brave

Back in the car and we were finally heading toward our destination, the home of some friends whom (thanks to the magic of Facebook and blogging), we have become closer to over the last couple of years despite never having actually met in person. You see, probably about 2 years ago a mutual friend had linked Stacy and I together because Stacy and her family were about to bring their daughter, Cadence, home from China. Cadence was also born with a cleft lip and palate and so our mutual friend (Corie) gave Stacy our information so we could chat about what to possibly expect in their journey. Little did we know all that would come of that simple introduction. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…I am so thankful for the blessings that adoption has brought into our lives which have included not only you, but a wealth of wonderful people and friendships throughout the adoption community. The Williams family is no exception.

Shortly after arriving, you were off and giggling with Stacy and Brad's three girls, Sierra, Laurel, and Cadence. By bedtime that first night you had helped feed their chickens; gone on several “road trips” down the driveway; had a water balloon fight against Daddy; donned a baggy bottomed bathing suit (and eventually your birthday suit) while getting thoroughly soaked from a water table; then ran around and around and around their house screaming and chasing each other until you were all thoroughly exhausted.

feeding the chickens was way cool

collecting eggs for her mama

thumbs up, ready to roll!

the classic "hand over the backseat, driving in
reverse" maneuver

oops! a little off-roading?

first of many girlfriend road trips

all piled in!

Sierra is done with the water balloons and decides to go after Daddy
with the water bottle...he looks scared, don't you think?

the water table...simple but oh so fun

uh oh, the goggles are on...this is getting serious!

silly soaked girls

I think you have another decade or so before those puppies come in honey

goofs

The second day we headed to a wine festival set in some beautiful rolling green fields, which is basically most of Virginia. What a pretty area of the country! After face painting and train rides for the kids and many sips of wine for the adults, we headed towards home. But not before the girls’ grandparents met us for some ice cream first.

Sierra playing ball with you

excited!

Cadence is checking the safety rating of this barrel train
with its conductor

sitting still while Cadence looks on

the reveal

my little leopard

I have to give a shout out to Sierra here...she originally had willingly sacrificed her own
face painting money so that her little sister could get exactly what she wanted on her face...
what a selfless act, a reflection of a thoughtful kid, and evidence of some amazing parenting! 

green fields, good wine, and great friends

you and Cadence's expressions crack me up!
of course, who wouldn't feel that silly after filling up on ice cream?

one of the many scenes this weekend of Laurel sweetly
attending to you

and another scene of Sierra being so sweet and patient
with your silly antics

By Sunday, it was time for us to head to Great Wolf Lodge for the finale of the weekend. After breakfast we were all hustling to get ready. If there were a couple of moments when I could tell you weren’t quite sure where you fit into the hubbub of a big family, these moments were more than made up for by a majority of other moments where you were just one of the crew. You generally jumped right in to the mix, and only had a couple meltdowns over the course of the weekend. You got along very well with all three girls, with Laurel especially taking you under her wing and making sure you had plenty of hugs and attention. And not only did all of you girls blend so well together, but I watched as you spontaneously grabbed and hugged Stacy just before hitting the road that morning too. It made me smile to see your completely unsolicited “stamp of approval”. I already knew that I thought very highly of this entire family, but kids have an even better intuition than most adults. I’m glad to see that my instincts were right.

oh my goodness did it take a while to get this picture of us all...
I wonder if it had something to do with an extremely ornery 4 year old??

After 3 hours in the car, we finally made it to the lodge. You were so excited and squealing like mad as we marched into that water park. You could hardly contain yourself and weren’t sure where to go or what to do first. I love seeing that kind of exhilaration in you! You did much better than I expected in the water and even tried a couple big slides with a little encouragement (e.g. Daddy climbing with you to the top and then peeling your fingers off the rim of the slide and giving you a little push to send you careening down to where I scooped you up, sputtering, out of the water). You vetoed any more slides after a couple of those, but hey, at least you tried it.

After all of that splashing and swimming, we were all starving so we headed off to a local BBQ joint. All I can say from that crazy, running around and climbing under the table dinner is, yes, we were THAT family in the restaurant. You girls sure did have fun though so who cares, right?

Once back at the hotel you, Sierra, Laurel, and Cadence played some kind of magic quest game the hotel promotes for all the kids. Basically, you buy these exorbitantly priced plastic “magic” wands that you can point at various props in the hotel to make said props light up, open, or talk. Of course, it’s a little more detailed of a concept than that, but whoever came up with the idea is pure genius. What a money maker! You girls really got into it though so, when in Rome, right? Here’s my credit card, be gentle. At least you didn’t insist on getting the costumes and other accessories too.

putting your wands to good use in a sword fight

"turning the lamp on" with your
overpriced piece of plastic "magic" wand

abra cadabra!

the only picture I could get of the water park...I was too afraid of ruining
my camera to get any closer with it

We wrapped up our last night together with you and Cadence listening to story time in the lobby while Sierra and Laurel got a bit more swimming in before bed. As we sat in the room chatting later, we talked briefly about how strange this situation might seem. Here we are two families that had never met each other before but who decided to jump right in to spend a weekend together. Yeah, looking at it on the surface, it could seem a little crazy, but sometimes those ideas work out the best. In spite of being sick all week prior to, and then even into the beginning of our trip, I am really glad we came. Even Laurel was feeling it too when she turned around as she was going to bed and said, “I’m really glad you all came this weekend.” Wow! How sweet is that?

story time with the moms

we originally thought that letting you girls try Pop Rocks would freak you out...
little did we know Cadence would LOVE them!

eventually you tried and liked the Pop Rocks too...
but your first reaction to Cadence chowing down on them was
something like, "Girl, you crazy!"

yeah baby...let's get this party started!
preschoolers gone wild!

So on a leap of faith, we finally got to meet and get to know some really great people that I had only really known on-line; people who were generous enough to open their home to us without batting an eye; people who we found to be so friendly and easy to talk to; people with whom we share the experience of adoption and parenting and all that goes with it; and people who are clearly doing a great job raising their kids. The weekend went so fast, I just wish we could have spent more time together.

We said our goodbyes early on Monday morning then hit the road for our 9 hour car trip home! Remarkably, you did not complain once and were in good spirits the entire time. While this week may have started rocky, it definitely ended on a high note. All’s well that ends well, but hopefully this is no ending but rather just the beginning of a long friendship for our two families in the years ahead. Good friends are hard to find, and so I am forever grateful that we've found these five.

Love,

Mama

Holy Moly! A new kitchen? Boo Yah!

Maliana ~

Wow, how I wish I was a different kind of mom sometimes. This week has brought to light the glaring truth that I am not the “always see the positive, make the best of any situation, and just roll with it” kind of mother. As I mentioned last week, we officially began our kitchen remodel on Monday. While it’s an exciting project, it has been a bit challenging as well. I logically knew that our house would temporarily be turned upside down in the process, but I had no idea how deeply unnerving it would be for me.

Since last weekend, we have had nearly the entire contents of our kitchen, in quite less than neat piles, on our living room floor. Before we were in the thick of it, I completely underestimated how much we use these two rooms for basic everyday comforts, and how uncomfortable it would feel without them. Combine this state of disarray with preparing to co-host a baby shower over the weekend, and then readying for a mini-vacation next week, and I had come completely unhinged, unglued, call the men in white coats, I was done. As a result, I have been very short-tempered all week long, with both you and Daddy.

At various points, I have been so overwhelmed with the clutter that I have just sat there feeling paralyzed, not sure where to begin any of the projects I needed to complete. Likewise, I have felt like somewhat of a zombie with you lately. I’ve had trouble mustering the energy to be very creative or enthusiastic, which of course incurs my “mommy guilt”. Whether it’s the condition of the house, or my “not the norm” behavior, you have also been a bit different lately, slightly more clingy and a little more pouty and emotional at times. I came up with a good analogy involving an episode with Easter grass last weekend, to explain what I mean. Memaw had given you a basket filled with this special Easter grass that for whatever reason had more static electricity in it than 1,000 times that huge silver ball at COSI (anyone who grew up in Columbus will know what I mean). I spent no less than ten minutes just trying to extricate myself and get the grass back in the basket by wildly, and eventually frantically, shaking my hands (and body) in increasingly frustrated motions that probably looked as though I were being shocked myself. No matter what tactic I used or how much I shook, that stuff would not let go of me! This feeling like I was being held hostage by Easter grass, along with having just tried to celebrate our quiet family Easter in the middle of a house full of clutter, meant that my official slide into meltdown mode had officially begun.

So, as you and I interacted this week amidst the chaos, I couldn’t help but be reminded of that Easter grass. No matter where I went, there you were. You had to be near me at all times and at all costs. Even just sitting next to each other on the couch, you had to be touching me, or even on top of me most times. I could scarcely move any part of my body without having to move you first. As our neighbor says about her own son, “I swear, if he could unzip me and climb in, I think he would!” Oh how true that has been!

I am ashamed to admit that there were a few times when I snapped. I groused (instead of being thankful) when you and Daddy came home from borrowing Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina’s kitchen after graciously volunteering to put together pretzel buttons for the baby shower. The buttons had turned out slightly different than the recipe and of course I was a nitpicker (uggh, there’s my ugly control-freak side again). I roared “I have had ENOUGH!” when you kept trying to close the refrigerator door on me when I was engineering a new space for these particular treats (resulting with you running to our bedroom to sulk). I yelled when you simply would not cooperate in getting dressed for your tang soo do class (of course, no wonder you were a little obstinate since we were trying to do so in a Kroger parking lot since we didn’t have enough time to come home first). And there were many other times when I “lost it” too. Fortunately, I was able to come to my senses most times and try to make things right. I have done a lot of apologizing this week, and when your feelings were really hurt, I encouraged you to talk about them, then thanked you for sharing with me.

unwrapping chocolates for the pretzel buttons...seriously,
how could I have been snappy when you guys had worked so hard?
Sorry sweetie, to both you and Daddy!

I’ve always known that my personality is not what you would call “laid back”, however there is nothing like raising a child to bring it into sharper focus. When I look at myself through your eyes, I realize how much farther I have to grow to become a better mother, a better spouse, a better daughter, a better friend, simply a better person. I know I’m not perfect, nor do I try to be anymore. That ship has long since sailed, and I’m ok with that. But I do hope I can use my inevitable mistakes as teachable moments. I hope I can always be willing to admit my mistakes, hold myself accountable, and try to make amends no matter how difficult it is. And speaking of amends, I probably have a few more apologies to say to Daddy too.

In spite of the many bumps in the road this week, there were just as many bright times too. On Monday, Daddy opened the door to let Abby out and saw a large pre-packaged Easter basket on our porch. He hid it so you wouldn’t find it right away, and to give us time to figure out who placed it there. After much PI work, we discovered it was Lao Lao. Feeling safer knowing it wasn’t some kind of creeper in the neighborhood, I took the basket and placed it down by the creek and the woods and told you that you had a surprise down there that must be from the Easter Bunny (since you think he lives in those woods anyway). Here is the video of you finding it. So cute!

http://youtu.be/0kMefcX66Go

You have a few new catch phrases too this week. They are, “Boo Yah!”…”Holy Moly!”…and…”Holy Schnikey’s!” You say each at the funniest moments and have been some good comic relief just when we needed it.

the 5 ponytails you insisted on wearing to tang soo do

fun with bubbles on a sunny afternoon

Lucky for us, you also have enjoyed the multiple trips to Lowes this week. You are getting to be quite a little regular there and your comfort level in the aisles is quite obvious. I love your love for tools! We should start calling you “Handy Mali”!

feeling comfortable shopping for hardware

One night I had had my fill of you had watched plenty of your Dora reruns and so I decided to take you and Abby for a walk to the park just before sunset. I was excited to share my beloved bluebells, which are making their brief annual appearance, with you too. We walked, and talked, and played at the playground before coming home just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. Even though it was still chilly outside, that fresh air did wonders for us all.

3 of my favorites...bluebells, Abby, and you

By Friday we headed to tang soo do again and I had to chuckle at you as you cannot go past the huge mirrored wall there without checking yourself out or making a silly face. When Daddy got home we went out to dinner where you were once again all "up in my business". After dinner I was exhausted and grouchy again, so you and Daddy went to watch Uncle Joe's hockey game while I self-imposed a "Mommy time out" and stayed home to adjust my mood. You were originally upset but when I said I needed to take a break and fix my attitude you seemed to get it. You ended up having a ball at the hockey game with Erin and Sam. Sam was very sweet with you, holding your hand and even buying you some candy. When you got home, you filled me in on what I missed and were so excited about having gotten to go on the ice. You even grabbed your stool and pretended it was a hockey bench and said, "I wanna play hockey!"

checking out the action with Erin

1st time on the ice

Our Saturday was busy! Tang soo do at 10am, Chinese class at 12:30pm, a late lunch with your friend Mia and her family, and then you went to Wai Gong's for a sleepover at 4pm. You had begun to feel under the weather throughout the day, but insisted "I'll feel better Mommy" when Daddy and I began discussing your staying home from Wai Gong's. We ended up sending you, under the strict instructions of rest, medicine, and monitoring your temperature throughout the night. You had a great time making tacos for dinner, cookies for dessert, and then watching movies with all of them. You had a rough night of sleep with lots of congestion and a low grade fever, and even slept until after 10am on Sunday! You must not have felt too sick though because when Wai Gong asked if you were ready to come home, you said, "No". Ha, thanks a lot.

this is a picture you drew of our family while we at lunch at BW3's
with Mia...you've got us all (Daddy, Mommy, Mali, and Abby...
as well as an airplane and an oval thrown in for good measure)

making dinner!

tacos turned out good!

quiet moment with Uncle Blaize

Wai Gong also sent a text to us later, after you had come home, with a little observation they had made. Evidently, you were riding in the car with them and looked up at Uncle Blaize where the conversation went like this, "Hey Blaize"..."What Mali?"..."I really like your hair"..."Why thank you Mali." Later, Uncle Blaize made the comment, "What other four year old would notice someone else's hair and then compliment them on it?" In the text from Wai Gong, he said, "Very special...we love our Mali!" Why, yes. Yes we do.

I too noticed something about you, once again, this weekend. In spite of feeling under the weather, you still managed to be so polite, patient, and kind. I watch you interact with other kids, both your and their behavior, and I am consistently amazed with how nice and considerate you are. While many kids around you will grab things out of others' hands, flaking out when asked to share, bossing or bulldozing their way around, you somehow manage to remain calm and choose to be kind and generous, no matter what is going on. It's quite remarkable. Sometimes I take for granted how unusual this is, and times like these I am reminded of what a kind soul you are. It's pretty phenomenal.

I had a baby shower to co-host on Sunday so nearly as soon as you got home from Wai Gong's, I was headed back out the door to help set up. It was so hard to leave you though as you were crying for me as I walked out the door. That breaks my heart every time. To make up for it, I brought you a piece of cake from the shower, and fortunately, the even bigger surprise was the Shelton's generosity in giving us Cassidy's old bike that she outgrew, but is the perfect size for you! I brought you out to the car and made you close your eyes, surprising you with it on the sidewalk. It was a huge hit, and while we definitely will need to work with you on learning to ride this new "big girl" bike, you just kept saying, "I love my new bike!"

Thank you Cassidy!

first test ride...and yes, those are your winter boots,
I guess you figured those were good biking boots.

The weather was gorgeous on Sunday, both day and night. We promised to do one of our moonlight walks if you got all ready for bed without any fuss, which you did. Not long after we piled your pillow, blankets, silkie, and you into the stroller, you were out like a light. Daddy and I walked around with you for a bit longer in the warm night air and had a much needed talk. There's nothing like clearing the air and starting fresh with the ones you love.

Here's hoping for and looking forward to a good week ahead.

Love,

Mama