Maliana ~
Wow, how I wish I was a different kind of mom sometimes. This week has brought to light the glaring truth that I am not the “always see the positive, make the best of any situation, and just roll with it” kind of mother. As I mentioned last week, we officially began our kitchen remodel on Monday. While it’s an exciting project, it has been a bit challenging as well. I logically knew that our house would temporarily be turned upside down in the process, but I had no idea how deeply unnerving it would be for me.
Since last weekend, we have had nearly the entire contents of our kitchen, in quite less than neat piles, on our living room floor. Before we were in the thick of it, I completely underestimated how much we use these two rooms for basic everyday comforts, and how uncomfortable it would feel without them. Combine this state of disarray with preparing to co-host a baby shower over the weekend, and then readying for a mini-vacation next week, and I had come completely unhinged, unglued, call the men in white coats, I was done. As a result, I have been very short-tempered all week long, with both you and Daddy.
At various points, I have been so overwhelmed with the clutter that I have just sat there feeling paralyzed, not sure where to begin any of the projects I needed to complete. Likewise, I have felt like somewhat of a zombie with you lately. I’ve had trouble mustering the energy to be very creative or enthusiastic, which of course incurs my “mommy guilt”. Whether it’s the condition of the house, or my “not the norm” behavior, you have also been a bit different lately, slightly more clingy and a little more pouty and emotional at times. I came up with a good analogy involving an episode with Easter grass last weekend, to explain what I mean. Memaw had given you a basket filled with this special Easter grass that for whatever reason had more static electricity in it than 1,000 times that huge silver ball at COSI (anyone who grew up in Columbus will know what I mean). I spent no less than ten minutes just trying to extricate myself and get the grass back in the basket by wildly, and eventually frantically, shaking my hands (and body) in increasingly frustrated motions that probably looked as though I were being shocked myself. No matter what tactic I used or how much I shook, that stuff would not let go of me! This feeling like I was being held hostage by Easter grass, along with having just tried to celebrate our quiet family Easter in the middle of a house full of clutter, meant that my official slide into meltdown mode had officially begun.
So, as you and I interacted this week amidst the chaos, I couldn’t help but be reminded of that Easter grass. No matter where I went, there you were. You had to be near me at all times and at all costs. Even just sitting next to each other on the couch, you had to be touching me, or even on top of me most times. I could scarcely move any part of my body without having to move you first. As our neighbor says about her own son, “I swear, if he could unzip me and climb in, I think he would!” Oh how true that has been!
I am ashamed to admit that there were a few times when I snapped. I groused (instead of being thankful) when you and Daddy came home from borrowing Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina’s kitchen after graciously volunteering to put together pretzel buttons for the baby shower. The buttons had turned out slightly different than the recipe and of course I was a nitpicker (uggh, there’s my ugly control-freak side again). I roared “I have had ENOUGH!” when you kept trying to close the refrigerator door on me when I was engineering a new space for these particular treats (resulting with you running to our bedroom to sulk). I yelled when you simply would not cooperate in getting dressed for your tang soo do class (of course, no wonder you were a little obstinate since we were trying to do so in a Kroger parking lot since we didn’t have enough time to come home first). And there were many other times when I “lost it” too. Fortunately, I was able to come to my senses most times and try to make things right. I have done a lot of apologizing this week, and when your feelings were really hurt, I encouraged you to talk about them, then thanked you for sharing with me.
I’ve always known that my personality is not what you would call “laid back”, however there is nothing like raising a child to bring it into sharper focus. When I look at myself through your eyes, I realize how much farther I have to grow to become a better mother, a better spouse, a better daughter, a better friend, simply a better person. I know I’m not perfect, nor do I try to be anymore. That ship has long since sailed, and I’m ok with that. But I do hope I can use my inevitable mistakes as teachable moments. I hope I can always be willing to admit my mistakes, hold myself accountable, and try to make amends no matter how difficult it is. And speaking of amends, I probably have a few more apologies to say to Daddy too.
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| unwrapping chocolates for the pretzel buttons...seriously, how could I have been snappy when you guys had worked so hard? Sorry sweetie, to both you and Daddy! |
In spite of the many bumps in the road this week, there were just as many bright times too. On Monday, Daddy opened the door to let Abby out and saw a large pre-packaged Easter basket on our porch. He hid it so you wouldn’t find it right away, and to give us time to figure out who placed it there. After much PI work, we discovered it was Lao Lao. Feeling safer knowing it wasn’t some kind of creeper in the neighborhood, I took the basket and placed it down by the creek and the woods and told you that you had a surprise down there that must be from the Easter Bunny (since you think he lives in those woods anyway). Here is the video of you finding it. So cute!
You have a few new catch phrases too this week. They are, “Boo Yah!”…”Holy Moly!”…and…”Holy Schnikey’s!” You say each at the funniest moments and have been some good comic relief just when we needed it.
Lucky for us, you also have enjoyed the multiple trips to Lowes this week. You are getting to be quite a little regular there and your comfort level in the aisles is quite obvious. I love your love for tools! We should start calling you “Handy Mali”!
One night I had had my fill of you had watched plenty of your Dora reruns and so I decided to take you and Abby for a walk to the park just before sunset. I was excited to share my beloved bluebells, which are making their brief annual appearance, with you too. We walked, and talked, and played at the playground before coming home just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. Even though it was still chilly outside, that fresh air did wonders for us all.
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| the 5 ponytails you insisted on wearing to tang soo do |
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| fun with bubbles on a sunny afternoon |
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| feeling comfortable shopping for hardware |
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| 3 of my favorites...bluebells, Abby, and you |
By Friday we headed to tang soo do again and I had to chuckle at you as you cannot go past the huge mirrored wall there without checking yourself out or making a silly face. When Daddy got home we went out to dinner where you were once again all "up in my business". After dinner I was exhausted and grouchy again, so you and Daddy went to watch Uncle Joe's hockey game while I self-imposed a "Mommy time out" and stayed home to adjust my mood. You were originally upset but when I said I needed to take a break and fix my attitude you seemed to get it. You ended up having a ball at the hockey game with Erin and Sam. Sam was very sweet with you, holding your hand and even buying you some candy. When you got home, you filled me in on what I missed and were so excited about having gotten to go on the ice. You even grabbed your stool and pretended it was a hockey bench and said, "I wanna play hockey!"
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| checking out the action with Erin |
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| 1st time on the ice |
Our Saturday was busy! Tang soo do at 10am, Chinese class at 12:30pm, a late lunch with your friend Mia and her family, and then you went to Wai Gong's for a sleepover at 4pm. You had begun to feel under the weather throughout the day, but insisted "I'll feel better Mommy" when Daddy and I began discussing your staying home from Wai Gong's. We ended up sending you, under the strict instructions of rest, medicine, and monitoring your temperature throughout the night. You had a great time making tacos for dinner, cookies for dessert, and then watching movies with all of them. You had a rough night of sleep with lots of congestion and a low grade fever, and even slept until after 10am on Sunday! You must not have felt too sick though because when Wai Gong asked if you were ready to come home, you said, "No". Ha, thanks a lot.
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| this is a picture you drew of our family while we at lunch at BW3's with Mia...you've got us all (Daddy, Mommy, Mali, and Abby... as well as an airplane and an oval thrown in for good measure) |
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| making dinner! |
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| tacos turned out good! |
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| quiet moment with Uncle Blaize |
Wai Gong also sent a text to us later, after you had come home, with a little observation they had made. Evidently, you were riding in the car with them and looked up at Uncle Blaize where the conversation went like this, "Hey Blaize"..."What Mali?"..."I really like your hair"..."Why thank you Mali." Later, Uncle Blaize made the comment, "What other four year old would notice someone else's hair and then compliment them on it?" In the text from Wai Gong, he said, "Very special...we love our Mali!" Why, yes. Yes we do.
I too noticed something about you, once again, this weekend. In spite of feeling under the weather, you still managed to be so polite, patient, and kind. I watch you interact with other kids, both your and their behavior, and I am consistently amazed with how nice and considerate you are. While many kids around you will grab things out of others' hands, flaking out when asked to share, bossing or bulldozing their way around, you somehow manage to remain calm and choose to be kind and generous, no matter what is going on. It's quite remarkable. Sometimes I take for granted how unusual this is, and times like these I am reminded of what a kind soul you are. It's pretty phenomenal.
I had a baby shower to co-host on Sunday so nearly as soon as you got home from Wai Gong's, I was headed back out the door to help set up. It was so hard to leave you though as you were crying for me as I walked out the door. That breaks my heart every time. To make up for it, I brought you a piece of cake from the shower, and fortunately, the even bigger surprise was the Shelton's generosity in giving us Cassidy's old bike that she outgrew, but is the perfect size for you! I brought you out to the car and made you close your eyes, surprising you with it on the sidewalk. It was a huge hit, and while we definitely will need to work with you on learning to ride this new "big girl" bike, you just kept saying, "I love my new bike!"
The weather was gorgeous on Sunday, both day and night. We promised to do one of our moonlight walks if you got all ready for bed without any fuss, which you did. Not long after we piled your pillow, blankets, silkie, and you into the stroller, you were out like a light. Daddy and I walked around with you for a bit longer in the warm night air and had a much needed talk. There's nothing like clearing the air and starting fresh with the ones you love.
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| Thank you Cassidy! |
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| first test ride...and yes, those are your winter boots, I guess you figured those were good biking boots. |
Here's hoping for and looking forward to a good week ahead.
Love,
Mama
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