Dust

Maliana ~

This week has been a pendulum swing back to normalcy and it feels glorious. However, it was not without its final pinches of guilt before the era of craziness found its way out the door. We finally got our house back this week (thank you Uncle Ross and John...it's beautiful!!), and slowly but surely we have been putting both our kitchen and living room back together. The final product in the kitchen remodel has turned out wonderfully and once things were pretty much all settled back into place, Daddy and I just sat and marveled and agreed that all of the uncomfortableness was worth it.

One of the pinches felt revealed itself as we were trying to put all of our belongings away and I must have appeared obviously stressed by it. You came up behind me and put your hand on my shoulder as I was ordering, muttering under my breath, then reordering the pantry and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry”…and when I asked you what for, you replied, “That you’re so sad.” Ouch. The other pinch of guilt was in my overall dismay that reorganizing our house was taking so much time away from activities that revolved around or were enjoyable for you. You kept following us around all week, asking how you could help, and when we sometimes couldn’t think of anything in that particular moment you’d say, “But Mom, I just want to help you.” It stung more than you’d expect to hear that, knowing that all you wanted to do was spend time with us and have our attention. You had to entertain yourself quite a bit, which I know is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I read somewhere that allowing your child(ren) to become bored sometimes actually stokes their imagination. However, I just had this horrible ache for you all week long, finally dissipating once the house began feeling more cozy again and realizing that this insanity was temporary and our “normal” life would eventually all come back together.

As I’ve said before though, there is always a silver lining to situations and this one involved your Dad and I. Lately, we’ve been having trouble feeling connected and have fallen into a rut where we take each other for granted and let stress come between us. Not a good place to be in a marriage, but I’ve found it to be more common than you might think. However, along with some other factors that I won’t go into here, this project has helped Daddy and I work together and the fact that we had time this weekend to jointly work on the house, have some great talks while you napped, and reconnect again has been a total blessing. By the end of the weekend, we felt great and were having more fun doing not much of anything together than we have in a long time. What started out as insanely disruptive, has turned out wonderfully and brought Daddy and I closer together. Can’t argue much with that.

As the week unfolded, the glimmers that our life was coming full circle again were obvious. You and I both physically felt tremendously better, finally over that awful virus completely, and as you accompanied me on a trip to Old Time Pottery to pretty up our kitchen, we both were back to our silly selves, making the best out of the most mundane tasks. 

parenting trick #53 – bring along a tape measurer to make boring shopping trips immensely more fun

Your silliness continued as you busted Daddy out one morning as well. From other posts in this blog, I’ve probably noted that you choose your own clothes very often for school, and frequently this includes your pajamas. You are just in preschool right now, so if you want to wear your pj’s to school every single day, power on sister! However, on the actual “PJ Day” at school, you let Daddy pick out your clothes (shocking, I know!) and were quite dismayed upon arrival to see that you missed out on the official pajama day. While trying to console you, Daddy said, “But look honey, I forgot my pj’s too!” to which you replied (in front of multiple teachers and your entire class), “Daddy! You don’t wear pj’s! You just wear your underwear!” Ha ha. Gotta love a four year old’s honesty! Thanks for sharing and giving everyone a good chuckle.

By Friday, I needed some downtime so I called Aunt Tina for a girls’ evening out and you and Daddy went over to play with Uncle Joe, Sam and Erin. So, while Tina and I were enjoying dinner at a new restaurant, you and the gang were raiding the fairways of the Little Turtle golf course at dusk and playing dizzy bats, tag, and lighting the way with glow wands. When we returned, Daddy said that you squealed the entire time and had a blast. We all hung out for a bit longer talking and laughing, while Sam and Erin went to bed and you nodded off to sleep on my shoulder. Twas a good night for all.

playing some kind of game with a HUGE deck of cards

While guilt played a role in my menagerie of feelings this week, exasperation and utter gratitude came to the party as well. Exasperation arrived in the form of Daddy and I wondering how many times you yell, “Mom!” as you trail me around the house, my little 3 foot tall shadow. If Daddy tries to help, you insist that it has to be Mom, even though half the time you have no real request or question lined up when I answer you. I think someday Daddy and I are going to tally these “Mom!”’s and I honestly would not be surprised if we hit triple digits.

Utter gratitude came in the subtle feeling I got upon awakening with you after a much needed nap together. You and I slept soundly and snuggled for the entire 2 hours, opening our eyes gradually while savoring our time together in the quiet of the bedroom. Daddy said he came in at one point and we were both laying there, with your head actually resting on mine, cheeks smooshed together, snoring softly, with both of our mouths open like two sea bass. (I told him to bring the camera next time for proof.)

Anyway, it was one of those moments that hit me. I know these days are fleeting and someday you will have no interest in sleeping in our bed, let alone pressing your body so close to mine while you slumber. I’ll wish for your warm little wiggly body and the sound of your sucking on your silkie as you try to find just the right spot. I’ll long to wake up to pins and needles in my numb arms from cradling you in one position for hours on end. I may even yearn to be awakened to a kick in the nose while sound asleep, (well maybe not that one as much). But I know I will miss these days. No doubt.

We got an impromptu visit from Lao Lao this weekend too. Like us, she has had some rough transitions lately and so it was nice for us all to spend a little time together again. At one point, she looked at you with tears beginning to form in her eyes and a quiver in her voice saying, “I feel better just seeing you guys.” We do too Lao Lao, we do too. You got to not only show off your new kitchen to her, but also how you can ride your new big girl bike. You’ve only really gotten to practice on it a few times since receiving it two weeks ago, so we all agreed that you are a natural, making faster and faster circles in the garage like a pro. And of course, Lao Lao couldn’t leave without playing chase with you around the newly formed circle in our house since we knocked down the wall between the living room and kitchen. Lao Lao used to love doing this in her house as a kid, and the tradition is gladly being passed down to, and accepted by you. By the time she did leave, you were so crazy that Lao Lao said getting you dressed was like “trying to dress a raccoon.”

the chase is on!

it's good to see Lao Lao

Sunday was a more somber day overall for our family. We had our fifth annual gathering to celebrate your Uncle Dustin’s life. Ever since you came home, we have talked about your Uncle Dustin, whom you never met, but are familiar nonetheless with his face and the stories we have shared about him. He was Aunt Lindsey’s brother and was unfortunately killed on April 30^th 2007. It’s hard to believe that he has been gone 5 years, taken all too soon from this world. I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. I know he would have LOVED you, and I’m sure vice versa. Our gathering was a bit different this year, set in a local restaurant where there was some fundraising to accompany it for Lifeline of Ohio. It is normally at the Park of Roses where you can find his special memorial stone. We still need to take you back there this coming week, as I’ve begun the tradition of taking a picture of you with his stone each year. I like to think he can see you from up in Heaven, keeping tabs on how much you’ve grown and cheering you on when you most need it. If there was one thing that was very important to Dust, it was family. And of course his beloved Cleveland Browns. *smile* 

your signature is in the bottom right corner (in green)

we love Aunt Lindsey!

you and your cousin Brianna filling out some Lifeline of Ohio forms

mmm, cake!

And finally, in wrapping up this post on a note to make you laugh instead of cry, I have to share your latest obsession. This particular song and video, The Gummy Bear Song, has been playing at our house a lot lately, thanks to Lao Lao. Here is a status post from Facebook to explain exactly how it is affecting both Daddy and I.

FB status:
~ so Mali is currently obsessed with this song and video. I want you to watch it ten times in a row....Have you watched it yet? Yes? Ok, good...welcome to my own personal hell :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=astISOttCQ0&feature=share

Love you, my little gummi bear.

Mama