As Autumn Gives Way to Winter, A Mama Gives Way to Her Evolving Teenager

 M ~ 

Hello, my dear! So, this entry may be a little bit different because...well...things are a little different with you now that you are fully into and all about your teenagehood. I may not go into as much detail as in years past...who knows, maybe I still will (I am me, after all)...but the whole purpose of these blog entries when you were little was so that we could capture everything we possibly could so you could have it to look back on later. Not miss another memory! But, now that you are a teenager and growing more independent by the second, I don't feel as pressed to capture all of my memories for you since you are building your own in your own way and with your own perspective and spin on the world. I'll probably be throwing in pictures (the ones you actually let me take, anyway!) and then perhaps putting a little blurb about them and my thoughts or feelings or reflections from now on. A little lighter than in years past, but we'll see. In watching you grow more and more into your own person and a full-fledged "adult in the making", it's become obvious that you will do things your way in your own time. So, with that being said...here we go!

You had your first dance of 8th grade and went with your new friend, Mere. Due to covid times, the dance was outside on the football field and then afterwards, I picked you both up and we headed to campus for boba before dropping her off. 

Daddy and I's birthdays are so close together in the autumn that we had a joint celebration with a fancy dinner and scooters downtown, just Daddy and me. No matter how old you get, always remember to have fun and don't be afraid to look ridiculous.

Cat (and dog) spam intermission below...

my back was hurting and so I had to sleep like this...
the animals were all playing the role of nurse

On Dad's actual birthday we decorated the house for him, just like we do for you, then we had breakfast at Delaneys (your idea), and a bonfire at night. A good chill birthday. 

We hit a pumpkin patch the next day and invited our friend, Mikayla, who had never been since she's (all on her own) from California. It's always nice to open up our family traditions to others who need some extra love. After carving pumpkins, you and I went on a Popeyes run and I will never turn down a late night food run with you. We have the best conversations in the car. Currently, food is the golden ticket for thawing your teen heart. 

Daddy's new bosses from Boston shipped us a seafood feast for his birthday. Live lobsters and all the fixins. Funny story - the first batch they sent was delayed by 4 days in transit and the lobsters had almost all died and the package reeked something awful by the time it got to us. It was horrible. But, they ended up sending an entire other feast to us immediately after and that one arrived on time and was delicious. I had some misgivings about having to boil the lobsters ourselves, but all turned out ok. For us, anyway. Maybe not the lobsters. Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina came to help us with our feast.

Quick note about something I found out about you. Since your social life grows richer by the day, away from mama's watchful eye...it's harder for me to see the little intricacies or nuances that make you who you are. I recently found out that you sit with and let your friends squeeze your hand if they are having a hard time. You intuitively know how to comfort and are there as a listener and support for them. I'm amazed at your empathy and ability to soothe so naturally so young. A born healer. 

And speaking of all that growing you are doing "away from my watchful eye"...some mama thoughts below from my social media: 

"Been struggling to find meaningful ways to connect with the teen lately as they do that inevitable pulling away from mom and dad, staying in their room a lot more, while friends become so much more central in their life (as they should). This picture/caption hit SO close to home and is exactly why (in spite of my own exhaustion), I will (almost always) schlep my butt across town to get boba with them, go with them to stock up on favorite treats at the international market, take them shopping when they ask for something special, or almost any other thing they ask of me because those moments in the car (or anywhere else) when they will open up about what's happening at school, with friends, about their interests, hopes, and observations on life in general are priceless opportunities for connection. There's time to do the things that I want to do, but I never want to regret not being truly present as a parent because that's time you never get back. When they were little, I thought they'd always be little. Now that they're getting older, I'm more acutely aware that the time with us all under one roof is finite. Such a bittersweet dose of reality. 

Parents? 

Listen to it all.

And...

Don't. 

Blink."

Breakfast with Memaw and Papaw. A tradition that Daddy keeps up with frequently and you do, too, more occasionally. It's always a treat when you go.

Look...Avery got a hot tub! What a way to spend an evening.

You and I also helped Stacy out by re-homing her brother's cat for him...all the way from Ohio to Virginia. We picked up the cat at his house and then drove it to West Virginia where they met us for the hand off. It was a long day but felt good to do good and felt wonderful to see our friends, even if very briefly, in a parking lot in WV. 

When you suggest we drive to Hoover to see the full moon, we drive to Hoover to see the full moon. Look how pretty.

More pumpkin patch fun, this time with Kelly, Avery and Evan.

I'm so mean. Pip was sleeping so peacefully and then...

I woke her up by doing this. (don't worry, it's dry erase marker)

Happy Halloween! Lao Lao loves this holiday.

I took Lao Lao to dinner at a local, authentic Venezuelan restaurant for her birthday. It was so incredibly good. Yum!

It's fall, y'all...and we welcome all!

Have you ever wanted to greet the sunrise by climbing a water tower with your coffee? 

Then drive all over through country roads covered in morning frost and listen to your favorite music?

I do. And I did. All on my own. It was glorious. Just the morning I needed.

Daddy and I got another night out at Easton, before the hubbub of Christmas shoppers descends the place into madness. 

You, me and Lao Lao took one of our famous trips and this time it was to Boston and then to Philadelphia. We thought we'd hit some east coast Chinatowns that we hadn't seen yet. In Philadelphia, we met the first person we'd ever met from the country of Mali. He was our cab driver and told us all about how he came to America, his wife and children, how he could speak 5 languages, and how his country is so war-torn and that he still misses it, especially the way an entire village would help raise the children together. Immigrants get such a bad rap in the United States but, oh my word, if you speak with someone who has immigrated and truly listen to them, they have beautiful, endearing and heart-wrenching stories. Immigrants deserve so much more respect than they get here in America. 

listening to our tour guide in traditional revolutionary
era costume (he's just to the left of Lao Lao)

The next two pictures are...well...amazing. Look at how incredible you are. Just look. 

Lao Lao taking a picture of a forgotten martini 
in our hotel hallway. Lol

The following several pictures were a beautiful project that the city of Boston does to appreciate its Chinatown. With all of the traditional history this town is steeped in (the stuff that most schools seem to focus on while teaching American history), it's so incredibly important to remember that all of our country's Chinatowns ARE American history just as much as Paul Revere is American history. I'm fascinated by it all.  

dim sum for Thanksgiving

Boston Chinatown

Lao Lao was in love with this statue. Lol

The next three pictures are the Holocaust Memorial in Boston. Each of the towers had memorials and tributes for different people who perished in the holocaust from each of the concentration camps.

very powerful and moving

Old Ironsides

trying hot pot

Boston Chinatown

our hotel is the white line of lights in the upper right

trying the yummy bubble bread that
we've seen on YouTube...it came from the
back of a little shop in Chinatown

Lao Lao wanted us to take her picture
loitering by the "no loitering" sign

doing your best to pretend like you aren't with us

the original Boston Cream pie

the famous Omni Parker House hotel

the alley to the left of the hotel is where John Wilkes
Booth practiced shooting in a gun range before 
going to assassinate President Lincoln

After Boston, we drove down the coast all the way to Philadelphia. It was a beautiful drive through the tail end of autumn foliage. I think Connecticut was my favorite. You slept a lot of the way.

this was just such a cool little pub...the 
back story is amazing (Khyber Pass Pub)

The next 4 pictures are from Elfreth's Alley. Interesting history, as well.

Philadelphia Chinatown

you love tea eggs, we even had to go back 
and get more for the road

home from our trip and I think the cats
are happy

After coming home from our Boston/Philly trip...we had a family meal at Uncle Kevin and Aunt Beth's with the Wilkinson side of the family. So good for everyone to be together again...hopefully Aunt Connie and Timmy can join us next time.

your cousins' dog, Buddy, is awesome

Inappropriate cookie decorating time - our annual tradition. 

Avery and Tanisha got to join us this year...
and of course, Audrey Ayi!

So glad we could introduce Tanisha to our wacky tradition.

Lao Lao made a homemade vegan Santa cake
and it was good!

Just before Christmas, Kelly and I took you kids (Avery, Evan, and you) to dinner and to see the lights at Easton (and Creekside) one evening...and then about a week later, we took all of you on a bigger road trip to Chicago to see some big city festivities. It was freezing cold in the windy city, but very fun to see all of the merriment on that level. 

Easton and Creekside

Chicago

our view of the river from the hotel room

you all realized that you could crack the windows
and talk to each other in our different rooms on
the outside of the building

Chicago Chinatown

teenagers being super cool in the big city

Avery having Mom get that perfect shot w the Bean

there were carolers singing Christmas carols under the Bean
and it sounded so fun and festive...the acoustics were perfect

teenagers teenaging

oh, yeah...we did this...in public

hopefully we suitably embarrassed you and Avery

ice-skating in Millenium Park

it was cold and wet and less than ideal conditions for 
ice-skating, but dammit...we did it

this guy (a total stranger) had the right idea...
we all had light up hats!

view from the top of the ferris wheel on Navy Pier

inside our little ferris wheel bubble - 
I'm so impressed that you actually did it and 
even more impressed you thought it was cool

taking a break with this stellar mama

The next 12 pictures are from our last morning in Chicago. We had brunch at the Santa Baby Bar in Boystown before hitting the road home. It was gorgeous and the most festive place I've ever seen. I loved it so much!

Cool kid alert in...

3...

2...

1...

boom!

Christmas was finally upon us. To be honest, this year was a bit tiring for some reason. Maybe it's the weight of going into our third year of the pandemic, or maybe it's my adjustment to being the mom of a teenager and trying to figure out my new role, or maybe its something else entirely. Whatever it is...I was wiped by the time the holidays rolled around. Unlike my usual. 

I did have to laugh when I saw this on the side of Sunbury Road on Christmas eve. Don't worry, he was ok. I stopped and checked on him.

I was very grateful that you spent time with us on Christmas eve, playing cards and making chocolate-covered strawberries and banana split pie, and then all of us hopping on scooters downtown to check out all the Christmas lights in a new way.  

We picked up our usual Billy Lee's on the way home for takeout (so good to see Annie Lee!) and once home, found a beautiful, touching, thoughtful gift from an old high school friend of Daddy's. She had mailed you a package containing this and I couldn't help but cry. Neither you or I have met her before but she said that when she saw this, she knew someone special needed to have it. What a kind and supportive gesture. 

last minute Christmas eve wrapping and the cats keep
taking their new gifts (toys) before I can wrap them

Christmas morning, getting used to your new gift...
a laptop

Lao Lao hung out with us on Christmas morning and then Memaw and Papaw came to celebrate and have dinner with us in the afternoon.

I woke up with the sunrise on New Year's Eve day and drove to Alum Creek beach with my piping hot coffee to watch that big ball of fire come up over the water. Just before dawn broke, I saw a shooting star. It was peaceful and perfect.

As for New Year's Eve, covid threw us a curve and we missed out on Audrey (for the second year in a row). We miss her a lot. She was such a huge part of our lives since forever and the ups and downs of this pandemic has really forced us to change in some difficult ways. But, it won't last forever, so...

Uncle Forge and Aunt Kenzie came over for a bit but had to leave before midnight for their pups (damn people and their fireworks at midnight!) so it was just the 4 of us at the stroke of 12 (you, me, Daddy and Lao Lao). Our celebration was also a bit more dampened because earlier that day, beloved Betty White died just shy of her 100th birthday. Life can be so unfair. So, we toasted her with champagne just before midnight. It only seemed fitting.

New Year's Day was spent with the Wilkinsons and watching old family videos and looking at old photos (from way, way back in the archives), and for the longest time, I sat and listened to Papaw tell me all about the really, really old photos. Maybe it's a bit sad or bittersweet, but I'm glad I'm having the realization now that we need to soak things in while we can, while we are all still here and able, vs later when the opportunity is gone. None of us are getting any younger. It's so important to truly be here with the people we love as best we can when we're all together. Something I want to work on in the new year. 

On our way out the door, I was also able to have a heartfelt talk with your memaw and papaw, about pronouns. It's been an adjustment for them and they tend to forget, but I was so pleased with their reception of this gentle conversation that will hopefully help them in the future. *crosses fingers*

Love, 

Mama