How Many Adventures Can We Fit In?

Suirong ~ 

Right out the gates, I'm gonna come in hot with a little dose of honesty. Real talk - being the mama of a teen can be tough sometimes. I suppose all of us moms out there are in similar boats, grateful for (while also clinging desperately to) all of our love for you kids that (most days) makes it easier to weather the struggle and pain that are necessary to deliver you to adulthood in one (hopefully healthy, well-adjusted, and independent) piece. 

But some days, child, shit can get rough. In mid-January, I was having some of these rough days. And then Stacy sent me this poem. Its beauty and truth (and hope!) is something I will cling to in the more challenging moments of this wonderful job of mothering you.

Here it is...

"You can feel like you are losing them during the teenage years, even though they're right there in front of you.

One day, you are laughing and getting along, the next you feel like you are sitting with a stranger you don't know in the least.

They might be unrecognizable, growing six inches in a span of six months.

They might have changed personalities, from sweet and loving to salty and stoic.

They might have changed their interests, their focus, their dreams.

You lose them to their phones. You lose them to their rooms. You lose them to their friends, their activities, their jobs.

You may feel desperate to cling to the child you once knew, the one who adored you, the one you got along with, the one whose hand you thought you'd hold forever.

You may feel like crying from their constant rejection. You may feel lost when you can't get them back on track. You may feel insignificant when they ignore you or lash out.

You will grow impatient with the status of your relationship. You will feel frustrated with the push and pull. You will grieve what is no longer there.

You will pull back. You will say less. You will watch from afar.

You will take whatever interaction you can get even if it is always on their terms. 

You will pick and choose your battles because you are tired of so many battles.

You will try to stay available even though they are mostly unavailable.

And then one day when you least expect it, you will feel something shift. 

You’ll see glimpses of the person they are becoming, and you begin to look forward to seeing what they will do with their life.

You start to learn about their new interests, their new passions, their new sense of self.

You will begin building a new relationship, one where you are no longer their sun. Your job is to be their moon, connected by a force so strong that it will never break. You will follow them along, providing light in their darkest moments, direction when needed. Sometimes your presence is large and looming, and sometimes it is small, barely seen by the naked eye. But you will always be there.

It won't be perfect. It won't be what it was.

But if you can survive losing your teen for a little bit, what happens when they come back to you can be even more beautiful."

❤ Written by Whitney Fleming Writes

Not only is all of that good to remember, should you ever find yourself parenting a teen one day, but it's also good to have other friends and parents around you who can remind you of the important things when you feel lost. We all do sometimes. It's part of being human. But it doesn't last forever, and it's made even shorter when you have a good tribe of souls around you.

Moving on into the month...we had quite a few trips to add to our tally. The first of which was just a you and me trip to Miami. I wanted to get us out of town, hopefully bond a little more with you, and enjoy some warmer weather and new scenery. Plus, Miami Beach (where we stayed) is a hub of LGBTQIA history and culture, so that was a plus, too. We stayed in the famous Art Deco district and the architecture was *chef's kiss*.

yes, that entire corner was our room!

this picture was taken from our corner room window

ate at Bacon Bitch for breakfast...our table was 
placed perfectly

on our rented bikes to the pier

vibing out to Bruno and letting off some steam

rainbow crosswalk

rainbow striped beach volleyball courts!

moon shot

Versace's old mansion which is now a restaurant

one more bizarre occurrence before coming home...
and just to be clear, you were counting my eyebrow
hairs, not my eyebrows...I still only have two of those

And finally, back home...

once home, I realized the cats missed me

of course, maybe not the ever aloof Lucky

and, the love fest didn't last long

The second adventure we took was to our annual (delayed) Garrabrant Christmas sleepover. This time we stayed near Cleveland and rented snow bikes to ride a trail along some canals. Unfortunately, we'd gotten dumped on with a ton of snow the night before which made the snow biking next to impossible, but some of us kept trying anyway. I can imagine it would be really fun if the conditions were better, but it was fun to spend the weekend with everyone anyway. 

Appa and papa (Uncle Forge)

the four of us that kept on trying!

Lao Lao and Iroh

happy birthday, Uncle Clint / Flint!

congratulations on graduating college, Aunt Kenzie!

I caught a giggle in the wild...candids are my 
only real way to get pictures of you in these teen years

Now, this guy below (who we found out to be named Radar), was a "guest of honor" so to speak. See, evidently, Uncle Forge and Aunt Kenzie found him running around their neighborhood in the freezing cold just before they left for Cleveland. They tried and tried for a couple hours to find his owners, but couldn't. So, we all agreed it would be fine for them to bring him to the house in Cleveland with us for the weekend, until they could find his owners once home. It turned out just fine. He was well-behaved all weekend, the sweetest boy, and as soon as we all arrived home, his owners came forward and turned out to be close neighbors of Forge and Kenzie. All's well that ends well. I love being in a family of animal lovers. 

I swiped the following two pics from your IG of a skating trip with you and your friends. I drove you there and picked you up, then took you and Ren for boba on campus afterwards.

Lunar New Year day was quiet, home from school and felt sick so slept a while. Dim sum rescheduled. But, impromptu casual takeout family dinner at home and some of my homemade nian gao (or "jiggly cake" as you call it) for dessert. Hardly any pictures of our celebration, but it was an unexpected and much welcomed evening of laughing and connection for our family. Sometimes nights like these feel like a precious rare gem in these teenage years of more time in your room, friends and social plans. 

ever the multi-tasker

Super Bowl Sunday rolled around and since I couldn't care less about it, I stayed home with you (and am so glad I did. You had a tough interaction on a call with friends which brought unexpected tears and I'm so grateful I was home and available for you to reach out to me. We had a heartfelt conversation about how no one can diminish your identity or who you are without your permission, how ignorance cannot erase your identity and who you know yourself to be in this world, and how those who truly love you in the way you deserve will understand you and see you for who you are without much effort at all. And frankly, the rest of the people who can't, don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, there will always be people in the world who can't or won't see you, but fortunately, there are a ton more who can and will be able to celebrate you. Focus on them. Okay? I love you.

this kid is amazing

And then, after our difficult but wonderful talk, we watched Encanto together. ❤️

Unexpectedly beautiful moments of connection can be born from hardship. Don't blink and miss any of them. 

Now, focusing on the people who can see you for who you are...we had a mini-celebration of you and Avery's birthdays at Scene 75 (like an indoor gaming/amusement park of sorts) around the end of February. 

We also did karaoke and you kiddos sung all kinds of songs. Of course, I didn't get any pics or videos of them (because y'all are quick and sneaky). But, Avery got an embarrassing video of me singing to P!nk's Raise Your Glass. I'll spare you further embarrassment and not share the video but here are some screenshots of us in the booth. As you can see, the more wild I got, the further you got away from me. LOL

At some point in March, we always seem to have a few more random dumps of snow here in Ohio. So, Daddy and I made the most of one of them...in Lao Lao's driveway. Surprise! You've been schlonged!

A few more pics of kitty spam before we get to your birthday celebration...

Lucky likes to help Daddy cut the fat 
off the chicken

and Pip loves when you brush her

Dad always eats with an audience

cuddle puddle

sleepy twins

And now...*drumroll please*...we officially have a 14 year old up in this house!!!

you and Ren

Forge and Kenzie

Memaw and Papaw

Flint and Monica

Daddy

Lao Lao and me

And finally...for the grand finale on this particular post...our spring break trip to California that we originally had to postpone in 2020 when the pandemic first hit ~ we finally, actually, for reals(!) got to take it! Whew. 2+ years in the making. Flying into San Francisco and then taking the Pacific Coast Highway (Highway 1 or the PCH) all the way to LA, stopping for one night in Cambria on the way down. It was beautiful and such a wonderful week with the two of you!

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin so I will just start by throwing all of our pictures into the mix and adding a few details here and there. I absolutely love San Francisco and it was the perfect way to begin this adventure and be able to see one of my favorite cities through you and Daddy's eyes. 

here are some screenshots of us
riding over the Golden Gate Bridge 
on top of a double decker bus -
windy and freezing but amazing!

climbing those steep streets of Frisco was a beast!

Fisherman's Wharf

lovely filtered photo you took of me at lunch

the seals of Pier 39

SFO Chinatown!

we caught a lion dance rehearsal in one of the side streets

transgender flags on city poles!

a late dinner in the Castro!

and of course a trip to Hot Cookie

On our second full day there, we were going to do more sight-seeing but as we ate another expensive meal in a restaurant, I thought back to just before we got on the hop-on-hop-off bus to come to this expensive meal, to a conversation we stumbled upon with a homeless woman named Mama Jude near Haight-Ashbury. It all started because she gave me a compliment on my pants and the rest is history. Part of what she shared with us was that she was saving up money to buy a cat stroller for her 3 cats (Ninja, Sunburst, and Dark Angel) because due to the violence on the streets, it's very hard for her to run if she has to carry them all in the tiny carrier that she had, but if she had a cat stroller then she could more easily just up and run to keep them all safe. That was just one of the many details she shared with us and it stuck with me. It just felt so gluttonous for us to be spending the same amount of money on a meal as it would take to buy her a stroller and help provide just a little bit more safety and peace of mind. I spoke with Daddy and you and we all agreed that you and I would go back, take an Uber to a local pet store, buy her a stroller and take it to her. Well, we ended up spending all afternoon executing this plan and also helping secure her dinner, as well as another homeless man (Nightmare Joey) some dinner, too. Then, you and I also walked about another mile or so to some neighborhood hardware stores to find her some hand warmers to help against the impending rainstorm that was brewing. Long story short...or maybe long...we have now befriended her and have been texting back and forth ever since (even after coming home from our trip). I'm so glad we stopped to talk to her and spent time getting to know her a bit. One of the many things we learned is that she looks after the other homeless persons on the street as best she can, too, especially the homeless youth (which there were many). Hence, her nickname. See, kiddo? You just never know who's going to turn out to be an angel. No matter who you come across or what they appear to be on the outside...everyone has a story and all of them are important. 

Meeting Mama Jude was the perfect experience to happen before we left San Francisco.

But, on our way out of town, we just had to hit up Good Mong Kok bakery!

best dim sum joint in all of San Francisco...
believe it or not, that's a short line for this place!

embarking on our PCH adventure

China Rock within the 17 mile drive near Pebble Beach

we found and rescued this live starfish...
it reminded me of the parable of the man 
throwing starfish back in the ocean

redwoods in Pfeiffer State Park near Big Sur

Big Sur

a little PCH magic

one of our favorite stops...elephant seals near San Simeon!
they were so noisy and just sounded like a bunch of farts

made it to our hotel in Cambria just before sunset

eating breakfast on the rooftop patio of the hotel

quick walk above the ocean before hitting the road again

stopped in a little Danish town named Solvang

and of course had to stalk P!nk and found her 
(non-public) winery

finally arrived in Venice

our house was a block away from the canals...
this was taken on my morning walk for coffee

I watched the surfers while drinking my coffee

all the black specks are surfers waiting on the next wave

this washed up on the beach...not sure what it is

but, I think it's a redwood pinecone as it started to open
up and this seed fell right out

we ate at Killer Noodle twice...so yummy (and spicy!)

the Hollywood sign from the Griffith Park Observatory

LA Chinatown!

Hop Louie's, a historic landmark

I loved this sign in the bakery window

album cover?

another night, Daddy and I took a walk down the Venice
boardwalk to see Muscle Beach and eat ice cream

and then another morning, I drank coffee while checking
out the Venice skate park

accurate

one more walk over the canals before heading home

Now, you and I headed home from LA but Daddy stayed on another week so he could attend an aviation conference in San Diego. Can you tell by the picture below that the cats were very ready to see him when he got home? LOL

Anyway, all in all I'd say that 2022 has started off with a bang and just keeps getting better. So many adventures packed into the first 3 months. Not sure what the rest of the year will bring, but whatever it does, I'm glad I get to do it with you two. 

Love,

Mama