Our First Snow, a Tree Lighting, and Parenting Epiphanies

Maliana ~

Monday began with a snow day for many, but not us. Boo! However, we decided to make it a snow night and after you and Daddy got home from hip hop, Audrey, you and me went outside and played in the snow under the moonlight. It was so cold but I stayed warm running with you in the sled back and forth down the sidewalk while Suzy chased after us. It was fun and I could have done that for hours as long as you kept screaming and laughing like you were here in this video below.

First "Sledding" of 2014!

Once inside, your shivering little body warmed up in the tub and afterwards put on your cozy jammies. You were so ornery all evening, saying silly things and wreaking all kinds of havoc. Here was just one of the many silly quips you shared with us...

Mali: "I need some water."
Mom: "Ok, well, you know where it is."
Mali: "No I don't. I'm new to this family."
Mom: "...???..."

 Smart aleck.

Along with your sharp wit, I also realized this week that you are absorbing the things that we attempt to discuss with you, even when I don't think you are listening. Take this text I received from Audrey Ayi, sharing a story of a conversation between the two of you...

The text from Audrey read:
So, I forgot to tell you last night that Mali started talking to me about empathy. I asked her what it meant to her and she said that it meant that you care how someone feels. I asked her how she is empathetic to others and she said that if she sees someone who is feeling badly she will try to tell them jokes because she is "the master of jokes". Hahaha. It was a nice conversation.

I love that you are taking in what we try to share with you. You are one smart cookie.

And speaking of the importance of listening to those around you, this week my eyes were opened a bit more to the importance of listening, and listening to adoptees in particular. It all began with an exchange I had on a Facebook group that shook me to my core as I learned the depth and volume of what I don't know about your experiences. I was lost in my thoughts for a few days, reflecting on how we could all (meaning your Daddy and I with you) do things better as a transracial family. I am still piecing things together and gathering information, trying to grow as a person and as your parent, but for now I feel I need to apologize ahead of time for doing or saying the wrong things in regard to adoption and all that goes with it. My intentions have never been and will never be to cause you more pain. However since I am human, I am guessing I probably will at some point (if I haven't already), so for that I am sorry. Moving forward (for now), I will just try to listen more to you and other adoptees so I can better grasp your experiences more fully, increase my own empathy for the journey you are on, and try to ready myself for the possible challenges and obstacles that lie ahead. 

Given the deepened realization of my duties as your parent and as a person, I began to feel a bit inept in my ability to do what I needed to do for you. Then I saw this picture below in a group I belong to on Facebook (actually, the same one that helped open my eyes this week) and it made me feel a tiny bit better. I may not know what I am doing a lot of the time, but I am definitely willing to go wherever it takes to try to help you. You are important and ALL of your thoughts and feelings matter. 

As for the rest of the week (or weekend, I should say), on Friday, you got to help out with a teacher's class after winning a contest at Octoberfest last month. You chose your friend Ibti to come with you and while you both felt a bit shy at first, you eventually had a good time and were very happy to share about how you helped out. You helped the class make Antarctic Apples and even got to wear a special teacher's name-tag! 

fueling up on mac-n-cheese after
a hard day of assistant teaching

That night we headed to Easton for their annual Christmas tree lighting. We drove over with Aunt Tina and Erin, then met Lao Lao, Pam and her son, Jack there where we watched the parade before the "big man himself" came to light the enormous tree in the square. I will admit that it was a bit much after a long and full week, the weather was cold and you kids were all a bit "hangry" (angry + hungry), but the lights were beautiful and it was all so festive. In spite of it all, I still enjoy the tradition and I think you kids enjoyed it too. 

Here's the video of the Easton Tree Lighting!

you and Erin waiting for the parade

some new "statues" at Easton

We had dinner with the Neuhausels on Saturday and you kids played together beautifully! It was a comfortable evening spent with a family that I consider to be good friends. On the way home, I couldn't help but feel extremely grateful that all of our paths crossed the way they did. 

Freddie, you and Mia being silly

On Sunday we slept in until 10, yes 10am! Hallelujah! The rest of the day was spent teaching you how to make french toast for breakfast (you loved it), cleaning the house (Daddy and I got a big kick out of sneaking a peek in your bedroom to watch you dancing around as you picked up your toys), helping Daddy put up Christmas lights, and getting a haircut before heading off to swim lessons. It was nice to have a day spent pretty much around the house with just minor errands here and there. I hope we can keep setting aside this cozy family time as we enter the craziness of this holiday season. It's so important to all of our sanity.

you were in charge of the lower bushes

Love,
Mama