Democracy, Adoption, and Campfires

Maliana ~

This week we did our civic duty and participated in democracy by voting in the mid-term elections. You even pushed all of the buttons for me and felt pretty fancy doing so.

thanks for the help, kiddo!

When we got home, I thought it was fitting that you chose your book about Martin Luther King, Jr. (you call him 'Marthur Luther King') for your homework and even drew a great picture of him giving a speech. I love that this book about racism, equality and civil rights is resonating with you so much.

you wrote, 'This is a pishr of Martin Luther King Jr.'
(he's giving a speech)

here's a picture you also drew of our family having a snowball
fight and you wrote, 'I love winter because I only eat white snow'

The rest of the night was spent writing a letter back to Mia (you two have become quite the little pen pals lately), dancing together (you requested Gangnam Style, knowing your mama would act like a fool with you), walking the dogs and talking about our days, and (you) doing yoga with Daddy while I ran to the gym. I love nights like this when we all just spend time doing nothing in particular but feeling close to one another.

We also finally got your school pictures back too, from both elementary school and daycare. They turned out super cute, if I do say so myself!

school picture, first grade

daycare pictures

Along with your rockin' school pictures...you also shared this little nugget with me...
~ On the way home today, Mali told me that if she were a turkey, she'd dress up like Sponge Bob so that no one would eat her.
Good, solid advice, eh?

The weekend finally arrived and it was really enjoyable for all. You spent a lot of time with Daddy this weekend and it was fantastic. You had a blast and watching the two of you together made me fall in love with Daddy all over again. He's a pretty awesome guy.

On Saturday, he took you to your mandarin class and then once home, you helped both Daddy and his friend, Sean, work on our retaining wall. You loved doing some shopping at the hardware store and then getting to actually help use some of their power tools. After a while, you came in for some lunch, but not before yelling down, "Hey Sean! I'm not going to build anymore! I'm tired. Can you tell my Daddy?" I guess that was your way of going 'clocking out' of your construction job. Ha.

no one can say that trips to the hardware store with Daddy are dull

helping Sean use his drill

That night I had made some beef stew in the crock pot and Audrey came over and all of us played different games and just acted like silly crazy people until bedtime. You even showed us your 'famous' card trick (which is pretty hysterical). It was a simple night, but those always turn out to be full of happy surprises. You were so slap-happy while we gave you a bath that you had us all cracking up. Being your mom is such a treasure ~ it's the simple joys that make life so much fun.

silly, silly, silly girls

Here's a little clip of part of your card trick...

Mali's (Not So) Slight of Hand

And just a small portion of the ensuing insanity in the bath tub...you came up with this one all on your own...

I am Bat Dad!

On Sunday you had a lot of Daddy time. I headed down to IKEA with Lao Lao to help her pick up a new kitchen table and had no idea what you and Daddy would be up to, but was pleasantly surprised when I received some updates throughout the day. You both had decided to have a Wild West Adventure and take the dutch oven out into our backyard and cook some vegetable soup over an open fire. You flipped out at this suggestion and were in hog heaven with getting to help Daddy build and stoke the fire; even eating the entire can of soup all by yourself straight out of the pot with your spoon. You were such a character that Daddy made videos of you, complete with swagger and a southern drawl. I. LOVE. IT. You have such an amazing camera presence...I'm thinking you just might need your own YouTube channel. There are already several people who I am sure would subscribe. Your personality is one in a million...and then some!

thumbs up for living off the land!!

Here are the videos...each more adorable than the last!

Wild West Adventure - part 1!

Wild West Adventure - part 2!

Wild West Adventure - part 3!

After your adventure in the backyard, Daddy took you to swim lessons and then Piada for dinner. You were pretty wiped out and so as he carried you from the car up to the house, you rested your head on his shoulder. He loved it. For the most part, you've been a mama's girl, so Daddy lives for moments like that. It was such a special day for the two of you...once again, one of those simple days that turns out to be full of happy surprises.

Once I got home, I had noticed that he had also packed your lunch for the next day...with this inside...

All of this just made my heart so full.

And last but certainly not least, this week we were able to explicitly touch on and directly address an issue that I've been pondering and wrestling with for some time now...over five years, to be exact. It's something that's particularly weighed heavier on my heart as you've gotten older and most certainly within the last few years. ... Your first family...your birth family...your China family.

This family that shares your bloodline has always been in my thoughts and I have tried to honor them in various ways and mention them when I could. With you being so young (up until now), I wasn't sure how much of it you understood, how much of it seemed real to you or how much seemed like just an abstract concept. Over the last several weeks, I've come across a lot of articles and other information on the topic, both from other adoptive families and invaluably from other adoptees. With your recent growth (both physically and emotionally), it seemed like a good time to approach this topic from a more direct angle and get a feel for where you are and what you might need.

Knowing that you are a smart kid, but also at that age where things are still pretty concrete, I brainstormed some ideas about how to give all of us a way to further communicate an openness with you about your birth family, ways to tangibly honor them and help you begin to wrestle with any questions, concerns, thoughts, and feelings that may begin to come up as you start to process this part of your life. A couple of the ideas I came up with (for better or worse) were providing you a special jar or box that you could use to put inside any notes, pictures, questions, or other mementos that you might wish to symbolically share with your birth family; I also thought we could get a special candle that we can light whenever you (or any of us) wish to honor them, such as your birthdays, holidays, special occasions or any other day that they are especially on your mind. I was hoping that doing this would be a start in helping us crack open the door on this part of your journey. But only if you were ready.

The day after I settled on these particular ideas, I brought them up to you when we got home from school to see how you felt about them. You listened to my ideas, thought about them for a minute, and then hesitated. I prodded you a bit and eventually you were able to tell me that you weren't interested in doing anything like this yet. While you closed the door a bit to exploring this (with me involved), I am grateful that you were able to verbalize a thoughtful response, voice your needs at this moment in time, and communicate your hesitation to me, on your terms. Up until now, the information that you have been willing to share of your thoughts or feelings about your birth family, the beginning of your life in China, and your adoption have been very minimal. And while it seems it will remain pretty minimal for now, I completely respect where you are. I still worry that we are not doing or saying enough for you in discussing your beginnings, and for that I apologize in advance if we are failing you. But at this moment in time, I feel I need to fully respect that these are not the steps you are ready to take yet. I did make sure to let you know that Daddy and I will be here when you are ready to take a next step, whatever and whenever it may be.

Even though we aren't going to take this particular road at this moment in time, I finally feel like I understand a sliver more of where you might be on your path. I don't presume to know what you are going through...but I hope that we can keep the lines of communication open so that you are comfortable talking to Daddy and me when the time is right. I am more than happy to take your lead, to go at whatever pace you see fit. And while it may not be right now, I do hope with all of my heart that you will feel comfortable coming to us when the time comes. You can tell us anything, no matter what. I told you so much, at that moment in our conversation. And I honestly think you took it in. I hope that you are taking it to heart. We'll see where it all goes from here. The road you will travel in processing and piecing together your whole life will be complex and not always easy. There will be ups and downs and all sorts of thoughts and feelings that I have no way of predicting. I may not be able to take away the pain that is inevitable, but I can tell you that your Daddy and I will be here to help in any way that we can. I promise.

I love you to the moon and back...and even farther...always and forever.

Love,
Mama

P.S.
And since this letter to you leaves off on the topic of adoption and all that goes with it, it is fitting to mention that November is America's national adoption month. This Sunday was actually the first annual World Adoption Day...history in the making. Social media blew up with pictures of families touched by adoption showing smiley faces they had drawn on their hands. Of course we jumped on the bandwagon too. What kid would pass up a chance to draw on their parents in permanent marker?

happy #worldadoptionday

xo
mama