Happy Mothers' Day

Maliana ~

What a week. Emotionally, I have been through the ringer. I’ve been reading a few books by a wonderful Chinese author, Xinran. She is a native Chinese journalist who actually now lives in London, however during her time in China, she both hosted a radio show, “Voices on the Night Breeze” as well as wrote several books. Two of these books are “The Good Women of China” and “Messages from an Unknown Chinese Mother”, both based on the true stories of real women who lived, or are living in China. While these books have been extremely valuable in learning more about the culture you were born into, quite probably the lives lived by your ancestors, and the many reasons that children are given up all across China, these stories were also incredibly difficult for me to read. The tales of loss and hardship were unbelievable to my western mind…I can scarcely imagine. I won’t go into great detail in this blog, because I hope that you can read and learn about what these books contained for yourself…but after reading both books, I was left fairly speechless and raw with emotion. In all honesty, I was pretty disenchanted with a lot of what I read, disgusted with the horrible devaluing of human life in many of the stories, however I am in awe of the strength of many of these women’s stories as well. I can only imagine the strength, courage, and heartbreak that your birth mother must have gone through in leaving you at those hospital gates over three years ago. We’ll never know for sure many of the details, but after reading these stories I feel confident in believing that nothing is as simple as it seems on the surface, and that she loved and still loves you very much. Of course, all of these things are matters that you will sort out on your own someday, as you and you alone see fit for yourself, however I just want you to know what I believe. And of course, to let you know that no matter what, no matter how you feel, or what you might think…my door is always open to discuss these things with you honestly, and to assist you in any way possible in solving these mysteries as best as possible. I know I don’t have much to offer you in this area, and that breaks my heart, but I will offer you everything I do have to help ease the pain that is inevitable someday.

It’s actually ironic that I just so happened to read these books on the same week that culminates in Mother’s Day here in America. It definitely put a whole new color on this particular western holiday. I couldn’t help but think about your birth parents on Sunday, in spite of all of the festivities surrounding me. As much as it put a sobering note on the day, I also spent a heck of a lot more time just looking at your little face in awe. I feel so blessed that I now have the privilege of living each day with you, lucky enough to share your life because one woman a half a world away made a very painful decision over three years ago. As selfish as this may sound, to her, I am forever grateful for giving me the opportunity to take on this awesome job title, “Mom”.

As for the festivities that I mentioned earlier, I woke up to you and Daddy making me pancakes for breakfast, then your presenting me with the super cute frame that you and Daddy had made at Color Your World. I loved it and you were so proud to present it to me!

proud, cheesy grin!

I think one of my favorite moments with just you and me on Mother’s Day was some spontaneous dancing in the kitchen. Daddy had an oldies station on and the Steve Miller Band was playing “Take the Money and Run” and so I scooped you up and we were just spinning, dancing, bouncing, singing, and being ten different kinds of silly. You were laughing so hard that you could hardly breathe. The only thing that stopped us eventually was my arms feeling like jello from throwing you up in the air repeatedly. It was one of those perfect moments that’s not planned, it just happens. And it was my favorite all day with you.

you decided doo rags were cool today...

Later in the day, we had Lao Lao, Uncle Flint, Memaw and Papaw over for a cookout. It was great to see and spend time with everyone. You are getting to be such a little stinker with the camera. Officially you have decided to stop cooperating with any picture that Daddy or I want to take, but when you do decide to cooperate, this is the face that we get.

You had Papaw and Memaw cracking up at your little antics…

here they were trying to coax you over to take a picture by pretending that your imaginary friend Hubey was in between them, when you marched over defiantly, snatched him, and took off...better luck next time Memaw and Papaw!

And Uncle Flint was so sweet, staying later than everyone else to play with you, doing whatever you liked, repeatedly, any time you would request it by saying “Do again!”

I can't tell you how many times you conned him into pushing you up the neighbors' driveway and letting go so you could roll down and he'd catch you at the bottom, giggling like mad

And of course, here is my favorite shot of you and Lao Lao in the front yard. No idea why you decided to cooperate with me here…but I’ll take it!

And of course, some additional cutie pie pics of you from Sunday...

sweet

sassy

my little cheeseball

so proud of you Mali

cute and mischievous

there's that face again!

you love those heels

and I love that smile!

splashing in the puddle with your new shoes, and about to lose your bloomers

eating the last banana fudge popsicle (my favorite)...that's how much I love you

Here are some more pictures of you and Lao Lao, who decided to surprise you by bringing over lunch for an impromptu picnic on Saturday afternoon.

sharing a milkshake

On Saturday evening, we, along with Shawn and Jen, met at Fred and Michelle’s house and you got to play with your buddies, Mia and Niubei. It was a ton of fun, and you girls are crazy!! Peas in a pod. We brought over some 'potty chair' cupcakes to celebrate Mia’s big triumph this week, and while you girls were a little leery of them, the adults had a good laugh.

see, there's even poop and pee in the middle when you lift the lid (don't worry, it's just chocolate chips and lemon pudding)

Here are some fun pictures from the evening…

jumping on the bed, look at your pigtails!

feeling for baby Freddy

Niubei giving her 'baby Mali' a ride

glasses love

and more love

As you can see, you girls had fun. We didn’t get home until 10:30pm, but the fatigue on Sunday was worth it to see the smiles and hear the giggles from all you girls.

I have to include this little picture in here too. On Sunday, I was cleaning up your room and came across your baby doll and couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast between your baby and Mia and Niubei’s baby dolls from the night before. Their dolls were all dressed so neat and pretty, in cute little outfits and completely clean. Anyway, here is your baby doll…

I had to laugh. I definitely encourage you to play and be creative in all sorts of ways…and your baby doll is proof of this. She may look like she has seen better days or been around the block a time or two…what with all of the nail polish, paint, and band aids covering her little body…but she is definitely well loved and involved in nearly everything you do, messes and all. Perhaps though, she should join you in the bathtub next time, eh?

Lao Lao stopped by on Friday night for a visit after work. In order to prepare for Sunday’s cookout, all of us girls decided to go grocery shopping together since Daddy went out for the night. Something as monotonous as grocery shopping is definitely more fun going with both you and Lao Lao.

When we got home, you and I hung out for a bit before heading to bed, and I had to laugh at something that happened (which I can’t believe I’m actually putting in your blog). Anyway, at one point I was in the kitchen and didn’t realize that you were behind me, and well, I farted...loud. (I know, I know, not exactly one of my classiest moments). Initially you yelled, “Mom!” But then, came over, patted me, and said, “It’s ok, it was an accident”. Ha ha. Thanks honey.

Throughout the rest of the week, there were various other adventures. You and I headed to the tiny local farmers’ market on one day, picking out some fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, red potatoes, and bananas for dinner. We set up your little art studio on the deck while I made dinner inside.

farmer's market

art in the sunshine

eating a fresh tomato like an apple...that first bite must have been a doozy!

Then after dinner you soaked up the one evening of sunshine this week and played with a ton of the kids in the neighborhood that decided to set up camp in our side yard tonight. You are getting to be officially accepted into the ranks of “big kid” now…fielding tee (whiffle) balls with the older kids in the driveway. Ahh, my little girl is growing up! And with such swagger too! Your strut cracks me up every time!

You, I and Audrey all went over to Red Robin for dinner one night, then Old Navy for a little shopping before heading home. While Audrey found the t-shirt she was looking for, you proceeded to inspect all of the mannequins for belly buttons and boobies…and I am happy to report that each one has a complete set. Just in case anyone else reading this blog was wondering.

in case you're wondering, you are pretending to hold Hubey up in the picture

yep, she's got one too!

Another afternoon, the one sunny afternoon all week, I showed up to pick you up at school but decided to let you play (for nearly another hour) on their playground. You were having such fun with your buddies, Aray and John John, that I couldn’t bear to take you away from them. You only get to see Aray on the playground now, since he has moved into a new class that you probably won’t get into until this fall. I love that you like to run with the boys, playing all of their games and getting along so well with them. Plus, my heart melted as I watched you and Aray, walking hand in hand around the playground, hanging out and just enjoying each other. It was so incredibly cute! I love that you have found such a good friend. I told Daddy that we really need to make an effort to set up some play dates outside of school for you two.

And finally, Daddy got to come to your speech therapy appointment with us on Monday, and was happy to see what that was like. Since you are feeling more comfortable in these appointments now, and you were probably showing off a little for Daddy, you have become a little less cooperative and a little more ornery with Miss Ashley. She even commented on what a “pistol” you are, when we were discussing your personality in relation to getting you to cooperate. That definitely made me feel better though, that it’s not just me having trouble with getting you to practice. You are definitely one headstrong and very smart little girl. These are invaluable qualities in you, however the trick right now though is figuring out how to get it to work to our advantage and motivate you appropriately to practice. Looks like we’ll just have to get more creative. You little stinker. I do see little glimmers of you applying what you are learning all on your own. Perhaps we’ll just have to wait and see.

So here’s to another week. Up and down, and everything in between. While it was a happy mother’s day, celebrated with much joy, I also carried a heavy heart. Here’s to all of the wonderful mothers out there…biological, adoptive, step, and any other woman who loving cares for and influences children as a mother figure only can, including the mothers that we may never know, but are always close to our heart.

Love,
Mama