The Bomb Dot Com

Maliana ~

You were so excited to tell me about these cookies this week and ask if I would take you to Kroger straight away to get some after school. I'm so glad you did because they are delicious! Or as you called them, "the bomb dot com"! Ha ha.

Later that night, all hopped up on sugar from the cookies (I'm sure) we headed out to putt-putt, just you and me. Back at the Westerville Golf Center, we had a great time and I got a little nostalgic to see that they had put the old "Tony the Tiger" back up after they remodeled. This is the very same big tiger that I distinctly remember them having at this putt-putt course when I was a kid! The thing has to be over 30 years old! Traditions, baby, traditions.

You had a spectacular audiology exam this week. Nothing to be alarmed about, it was just a routine part of the annual comprehensive exam that you normally get through the craniofacial clinic. I am happy to report that you passed it with flying colors. It was all done within about 20 minutes and so we had the rest of the afternoon to spend together. We hit Knight's Ice Cream and then took off on an adventure to the Shale Hollow Preserve up north. Audrey came along with us and since none of us had been there before, it was a brand new experience for everyone. We waded through the shallow water of the creek that wound its way through the forest, finding cool pieces of shale that we skipped across the water, looking for little minnows and water-skaters that were swimming all around us, and basically exploring the entire creek bed with (almost) all of our senses. You thoughtfully brought along your bug hunting gear so you were all set to investigate!

gear's on ~ ready to go!

creekin'!

the water was so cold!

leading the way for us through the shale creekbed

And finally, that same night as we headed to bed you were flipping through your yearbook from school. I noticed you kept wiping your eyes and that you were on the verge of crying. We talked about what was bothering you and you told me that you are just so sad that you won't be able to see Mrs. Fitzpatrick next year. It broke my heart. We talked about how missing her and crying when you're sad are both perfectly normal, that we can always go back and stop to visit her from time to time, how being nervous about next year is also ok and that most of the other kids in your class are probably going to feel the same way, and about how many of the other first graders are likely going to turn out to be friends that you just haven't met yet. Then I agreed to frame a picture of you and Mrs. Fitzpatrick from the last day of school with you immediately asking if we could hang it above your pillow in bed. So sweet. I always hope that you like your teachers as much as you have this past year and while all of us parents hope our kids have a wonderful experience in school, it can also be bittersweet because it makes moving on all that much harder. Such a tender little soul you have.

this is the photo that will be watching over
us at night...you with your Kindergarten teacher

And as if that wasn't enough...it was like some sort of magic had conjured her up because the very next morning you and Daddy were behind Mrs. Fitzpatrick in the drive-thru line at Tim Hortons. You followed her to your elementary school where she was going in to prep her classroom for the new school year and actually got to talk to her about how you felt and how much you missed her. She reassured you that she'd be right down the hall and that she would make sure to come find you this year. How awesome is that?!

Daddy has been working nights this week and has been able to do a lot of things he normally can't. One of them was bringing Abby in to see your friends at daycare...the kids loved her and you really enjoyed showing off one of your fur-babies!

And speaking of Daddy being home, I got a text one afternoon towards the end of the week asking if he could go pick you up early because he was missing you. How sweet is that?! You are very loved, kiddo.

He loves all of the extra time he's been spending with you lately and also took you foot-golfing with Lalie and Roman as well. You had a blast riding around in the cart with Lalie and playing a trick on Daddy. Here, click the following link and see for yourself:

Playing a trick on Daddy!

stinker!

Saturday morning you woke up excited because your friend Jocelyn was coming over for a sleepover. I went out to walk the dogs that morning and when I came back you had a surprise for me. You showed me that you had cleaned both your playroom and your bedroom (without being told to do so) and telling me, "It's not even Sunday yet!" (since Sunday morning is your assigned cleaning day for your rooms). Then you kept me company during my morning run, riding your bike alongside of me the whole way and even asking to hold my hand for a little while as I ran. We decided that it was our first 'special trick' for the "Mommy and Mali" show (your idea)...Ha ha. You are such a sweetheart, and were definitely feeling in a very generous and blissful mood in anticipation of your buddy coming over later.

Once Jocelyn came over, we were going to head to Superhero Day at Easton but it ended before a huge rainstorm had completely blown through the area, so we had fun going putt-putting and then out for Knight's ice cream instead. When we weren't out golfing or eating ice cream, the two of you played and played in your room together until we finally had to chase you into your PJ's, set up your sleeping bags, and start the Lego movie for you downstairs. You and Jocelyn play so well together and I adore watching you flourish in your friendships. Seeing how much you enjoy yourself like this makes it a little easier to bear when you shrug off my hugs or kisses as you try desperately to assert your independence. I didn't expect to be an embarrassment or an aggravation to you so soon and in all honesty, it's been a little hard to fully prepare myself for all of this pulling away when you've been such a snuggle-bug and sometimes even a clingy kind of kid in the (not so distant) past. However, I know that this is all normal and healthy in your development and I'll just have to find a way to get over the temporary sting I feel as you enter this new phase in your childhood. You're growing up, whether I like it at every step of the way or not. So bittersweet.

the professional businessman and Super Woman

with your game faces on before the putt-putt challenge

playing in your room

Suzy made herself comfortable for the movie too

With all of the snubs from earlier in the evening, you and Jos both ended up kicking Daddy out of bed and sleeping with me that night since supposedly you had heard a "squeaky bat" that scared you. You both promptly fell asleep and even slept in until almost 9am, with you rolling over and snuggling with me in the wee hours of the morning just like you've always done. You may act like a tough kid in front of your friends, but when it comes down to it, you still kinda like having your mama around.

breakfast

recuperating after your sleepover

Only about one and a half more weeks until school officially starts so better rest up as much as you can before you have to march into your classroom as an official first grader...here's a little motivation for you to study hard this year, Munchkin.

future doctor?

The sky's the limit, Dr. Q. T. Patootie!
Love,
Mama

Advice On Bullies From Our Lovely Little Village ~ God Love 'Em!

Ok. 

So, we hit a rough patch with you recently, dealing with the inevitable ugliness that creeps into many (if not all) childhoods at some point and in one form or another. Basically, you called Daddy and me from school, very upset with some of the comments at least two of the children were making and also with how mean some of them can act. After getting off the phone with you, I turned to our little village through Facebook to see what kind of advice everyone had to deal with these types of situations. I am very happy to report that what they all had to say was heartwarming, encouraging, strengthening, reassuring, and insightful. With every message received, I felt so lucky to have so many helpful people literally at my fingertips. There were so many good ideas, that I wanted to include the entire conversation here so that we could hang onto it as a valuable resource, should we need their wisdom later. I am editing out last names, for privacy of our dear friends and family...but the entire conversation is included below (with the exception of some of the more private conversations that were emailed to me separately).

Here you go, Tootsie. Enjoy! You are loved!

------------------------------------------------
~ Parenting Question:
Mali has been complaining of "stomach aches" lately and we have reason to believe they're more emotional than physical in nature. Evidently she's been getting called a boy and teased sometimes because of her hair being short and the clothes she wears (she hates dresses and anything frilly or "feminine"). She currently loves both her style in clothes and her short hair and is adamant about keeping both (as she should be, I'm glad she chooses to be an individual) but it's a hard lesson to learn that there are some nasty people in the world who choose to judge and be mean just because you don't conform to their expectations. Does anyone have any suggestions on building her up and empowering her to better deal with this type of situation? I'd appreciate any and all feedback. TIA!

Erica

Theresa - how about putting her on some athletic teams - i am unsure of her age but there are a lot of girls in that arena who are less identified by what they are wearing or anything external - its more of a team motto - common goal - we are all one. My next recommendation is to send her to a private school and wear uniforms. I try desparately to teach my daughters that all that matters is what's inside - not outside - clothes shoes - hair - it means nothing - its difficult - and kids can be mean.

Theresa  I've got plans to sign her up for soccer and softball this fall and winter. We tried before but she wasn't into it that much...maybe now that she's older (6) it will be different.

Julie Is it kids being mean or genuinely curious? I know both my girls are curious and truly don 't know if it's a boy or girl. Them asking isn't meant to be rude or mean. If it is adults who know better then I say "screw them!" Tell her to be herself and know that there may be questions from other kids who don't know her. It's a shame but you may want to tell her that some grown ups don't act grown up but she shouldn't listen to them! Good luck!

Heather She reminds me so much of Amanda my little sister I agree with her trying sports again. I think the constant communication and focusing on her individuality and things she is good at. I have a plus size teen that has so much confidence because we had constant discussions about what makes her special and how some people are mean because they are hurting or have their own issues. I hope this helps it's so hard when they hurt.

Erica

My girls didn't like it until they were 6 either - good luck - my other trick is to dress like them - this will pass : )

Theresa 
Julie ~ it's both. Curiosity she can handle as we've all dealt with this when she first came home and her cleft was still unrepaired and we'd get a lot of stares and questions, but there are a few jerks at daycare that are just mean to a lot of kids and Mali's choices give them easy ammo. Grown ups will sometimes mistake her for a boy but it's usually not a big deal.

Theresa 
Heather ~ we do a lot of talking and boost her up any chance we get. So far she seems to have a lot of confidence but lately she's had a few moments at school where it's gotten to be too much. Her teacher told me this morning that she's been more and more emotional lately when kids get mean. It makes me so mad and breaks my heart. How did your daughter handle those instances where kids are just, pardon my language, assholes?

Julie Ugh, hate dealing with the usual little jerks! Are they constantly bothering her? Or the occasional remark? If it's on going I think something needs to be said to the daycare staff. I would just re assure her and like a previous post, tell her that some kids are mean because they are sad or angry with something in their life. It has nothing to do with her personally, they just act out and they have chosen her to aim there anger at. Good luck

Christina My favorite phrase "just walk away". In all reality they are being jerks and the more they get a rise out of her the more they will do! Totally sucks for her. We have a similar situation and I've been very frank and said people who are not nice are not the kind of people you want for friends. Just walk away because you are a nice person and if they are not nice then you don't need to play with them. It's so hard because I want my children to be compassionate but more importantly to be strong individuals. Mali you rock and screw those bitches!

Kristy  Summer = less sleep therefore more emotional. Try an earlier bedtime. With mine that alone helped ..

Theresa 
Julie ~ it seems occasional for now (hopefully will get less) and the teachers have reassured me that it doesn't seem to be targeted towards only M. I have talked to her teachers but am willing to go in with both guns blazing if need be as well. I hope I don't have to do that. It's not pretty when Mama Bear has to come out.

Theresa  I love you, Christina! And I will make sure that you get the call from the school when she quotes your last suggestion ;)

TheresaGood point, Kristy! She has been pretty busy therefore sleeping less. We'll have to try that!

Heather I'm trying to remember but I'm asking her. I never got calls that she punched someone out so I think she was good at the ignore button. I see what she says and let you know.

Erin

Mali reminds me so much of a girl I know who isn't the least bit feminine. She won't even wear a girl's bathing suit. Is Mali inclined to the theatre or arts in any way? We artsy types are notorious for embracing people for who they are. The little girl I know is in middle school now and gets along just fine. She has her core group of friends and does her thing. Her wardrobe still revolves around her football jersey.

Julie Amen to that! We used to have some of the same issues with Emily. She has always loved Spiderman and even dressed as him for a few halloweens. Kids just didn't understand but weren't ever cruel. My girls are still putting up with nasty little a-holes in our neighborhood. Can not stand how cruel some kids are!

Melissa First, I get wanting to get all momma bear and protect your precious daughter. An initial question falls in the curious camp. Persistent questions are to get a rise. Not giving that reaction is so hard. It was for me as a kid and it's hard for my Lily. I've worked with Lily that the whole "whatever" type attitude and response will typically make the kids stop. We practice the "I know you x, You know you are x and those say who otherwise can go jump in a lake" philosophy. I think now at 10 Lily has witnessed that looking and acting ambivalent tends to diffuse the situation.

Amy I like a lot of these suggestions. Bottom line is people can suck and kids are mean. Hell I had short hair for the longest time as an adult and constantly got pointed out or questioned, and I myself am far from girly....people are lame and it takes more strength and coolness to stand up and be yourself than it does to follow the herd.

Chantel That SUCKS! Kids are turds! To be honest I'm a chicken shit about my kids getting teased 'cause like Mali they like wearing hello kitty and nail polish so I homeschool! Not saying you should just saying you're a great mom and I hope kids knock it off!

Theresa
Erin ~ she just might be interested in that stuff eventually. There's not a lot of choices that I'm aware of at her age yet. She loves music (e.g. anything similar to Beastie Boys, etc for dancing and most top 40 stuff she'll belt out right along with the radio) and break dancing. She doesn't like any other type of dance classes because of the costumes and most times they've bored her. I think she is headed towards somewhere that she can express herself and be accepted for her individuality but not necessarily want any spotlight as she gets embarrassed easily.

Melissa I think your doing all the right things. It is so hard to see them hurting and the best thing you can do is teach them the skills to handle comments and build their confidence. I talk with my kids about responses you could say that will stop the comments and leave you alone. If they don't have a response, then walk away. I don't mean a response that is hurtful back, just a generic response that let's them know it doesn't bother you what they say(even if it does). My daughter complained of stomach aches this year and I had to pick her up from school one day. We talked and figured out it was something at school bothering her. Keep her talking, too. All of you coming up with a solution is better than none. I agree talking to the daycare is good, having them on board is always good. They don't always see everything, so an extra eye is always good. Kids know when to make comments and it it is usually when adults aren't around especially as they get older and wiser.

Erin

I know of two friends who have their young daughters in break dancing class. I will get the info and pass it on. Of course she has her own superstar breaking dancing resource in her very own home.

Theresa 
Melissa ~ good formula to follow...I'll definitely use it when we talk with her. It's so hard to stay objective when I see her hurting and I feel so helpless.

Kelly  We have dealt with this for years with Eloise, when people say things like that we just simply remind her they are not always trying to be mean but are curious. We have always let her dress and cut her hair the way she likes and tell her she can't cry every time someone asks her if she is a boy or girl. I love their spunk and individuality but it is hard to let them find their own place in this crazy world. Just keep loving her and giving her self confidence and all will work out. Eloise is 10 now and in the last 6 months has started to be a little more girly but what ever makes her happy we support!

Theresa
Amy and Chantel  ~ I am so proud of her for being an individual and yes, some kids are just sucky little turds! I definitely want to encourage her to be herself...it's just a much more difficult path to choose sometimes. *sigh*

Amy Very true. Definitely more difficult. Although more rewarding :)

Theresa
Kelly and Melissa ~ thank you both so much. It helps tremendously to know we're not alone in this!

Heather My daughter said she learned to ignore at a young age. She stayed away from anyone that said anything to her. Somehow I survived this and my girls not being as sensitive as me. You are an amazing mom follow your heart and you are doing all the right things.

Chantel  Oh gosh so hard for a mama to watch our kids be individuals!!!!!

Theresa  It really is, Chante! But it's also so much harder to wake up in your 30's and realize you've been living an inauthentic life...I'm proud of our kiddos that can march to the beat of their own drum. As hard as it can be sometimes!

Kelly  This has been going on for so long.....You may want to mention that to Mali and maybe tell her a story of your own(I think we all have experienced mean people). Maybe talk to her about patience and understanding for the kids that don't get the proper direction from their family.....good luck!

Scott  Our son was constantly called a little girl, and egged on by one specific kid his kindergarten year, just because he had longer hair than the other boys. We were called in for a mini conference with his teacher informing us of all this teasing. We had no idea until his teacher let us know, she had already talked to the boys parents, and they said they would work with their son. We talked to Christian about it, he is now going into 6th grade and good friends with the boy. He told us he would ignore him and sometimes come back with shut up, Michelle, the boys name is Michael. Christian got in trouble from the teacher for that one, but it was his only defense at the time that would annoy this other kid. Kids are just cruel. They will find anything to pick on another kid for, but most times it is because they have low self esteem and pick on kids for the attention from others. You could explain it that way to Mali. Hope things get better for her soon.

Theresa Thank you, Kelly and Scott! I am planning on trying each of the approaches and suggestions of everyone here...one or more of them are bound to work! In the meantime, I just hit up the local library and will have lots of stories for bedtime that might help too :) I love the library!

Heather  

Sadly..girls are just mean. Having a boy & a girl the same age I have really noticed. Like I tell my daughter...be who you are and if others can't accept that, well they just aren't worth the time it takes to worry about it! It is so hard to see your baby hurt! Keep encouraging her to be her own person! I happen to think she is awesome!

Scott  We also had a horrible neighbor, an adult who bullied our kids. Talk about worst case scenario. My wife got so upset last May after going through 4 years of it on and off, just because the kids stepped foot into his yard. Last May my wife went out at 7:30 in the morning and had it out with him and followed the whole conversation up with "If you don't like my kids, then MOVE! LOL, done, he moved out less than a year later.

Michelle So sorry, Theresa and Mali! Kids are aweful sometimes. It's hard not wanting to throat punch them. So good job for not doing so. If you do end up throat punching them, I'll bail your ass out of jail.
I know COFCC offers an empowering workshop in the fall ("the power of me" I think) that would be helpful. Also having Mali find a passion to pour herself into where she can work out her emotions. Possibly a counselor, I'm a huge advocate and Children's has some azimg peeps to help build children up. Lastly, keep up being a rock star Mom!

AnnMarie You seem to be getting great advise! I was going to say pretty much the same thing , the more of a rise they get the worse it will get . Hard for them to understand mean kids because they are not like that! I had trouble a few times between the crew here & yes my Momma bear was ready to jump but I pulled back . Diffent makes them special & I always tell them the world would be so boring if we're all the same! My son had some issues really mean kid, he is very into art & music he did find his outlet & some really great friends. It will work its way out but sometimes it takes a lil time. It hard on them & you. In the end they are a lil stronger & more determine to be themselves. I was bullie when I was a kid ( it's never easy)but it made me a lil stronger & more empathic . Your both great parents just keep doing what your doing , encourage her , help understand it's not her issue & she know she is loved by her family no matter what! I know with you guys in her corner she will make through! Hang in there Momma!

Theresa Thank you, AnnMarie! I tell Mali the same thing about the world being boring if we were all the same too! I appreciate your advice and support!

Theresa 
Michelle ~ now why didn't I think of a good solid throat punch?! LOL Your comment made me actually laugh out loud. I will hold you to that bail thing too, girlie! :) I actually already called my own therapist this morning for some direction or a referral for M...I'm a huge believer in reaching out and getting the help sooner than later, if we can. And between yours and Christina's comment, us Fu Mommies are a bunch you don't want to mess with!

AnnMarie You know it think you are both amazing parents and Mali is an incredible lil girl !

Stacy I'm sorry. That makes me so angry. I think you all are doing a phenomenal job as parents. Be her safe place to come home to, to cry to, to be angry and frustrated sometimes. And keep supporting her. If that didn't help I'll drive to Ohio and show those kids my mad karate skillz! Take the punks dooowwwnnn! ;-) give Mali a big hug from us.

Theresa I love your spunk, Stacy!!

Dodie After school activities like gymnastics, or whatever she is interested in will build confidence and keep her too busy to worry about it.

Mindy Get Jamie Lee Curtis's book I'm gonna like me. It's really good and it'll help her understand that it's great being Mali.

Theresa Thanks Mindy...just put in a request at the library!

Mary  Heartbreaking. It is hard to sit back and watch. It is better to learn at a young age than to learn when she is older and more away from her parents. Kids are mean. And some parents are mean. Lots of books out there to read. Tell her she is to not impress anyone but herself and who accepts her are true friends. As for the belly aches, find something that comforts her...comfort food...let her run the show on what she eats for awhile. Get books about identity and how it makes us all unique. The Jamie Lee Curtis is one, Andrew Soloman for adults is a great one,

Mary Our identity is who we are and we should be proud of it. I love all Mali pictures that I see on Shawn wall. You are doing the right thing. Great parents. I wish I would've let my true identity out at such a young age. Good for her!!!

Mary I can send my boys over to rough them up if you'd like :-)

Theresa  Thank you, Mary! I wish I would have had Mali's courage at a younger age myself, too!

Jill  We ended up taking our daughter out of traditional school and enrolling her in an online school. I know this just isn't an option for a lot of parents, but it was one of the best choices we've ever made for her. She is involved in youth group and she attends are classes at CCAD where she regularly comes in contact with a lot of like minded people.

Amy  T when Addi was in 2nd grade she was under a lot of stress and put on weight. There were 3 boys who would make fun of her daily calling her "fatty Addi". She came home daily crying, I would go to the bus driver and the school and they just wouldn't do anything about it. After the 3rd time another kid told her to stand up for herself and let him have it. So he started again on their way home and she stood up and punched him square in the face. It was so funny to be honest. She is such a kind spirit and loving, but she did it for the first and only time. I was proud of her, not because I want her to put her hands on anyone but she managed to find it in herself to stand up. Now of course then the school wanted her off the bus for 2 days, but I forced their hand and made them take the boys off as well. So I did make her do restitution to the driver, by sweeping her bus at the end of the day one of those 2 days but she knew it had nothing to do with the boy.
All that to say, after that we would talk at dinners or play times about what makes her special and why she thought she was special and she is now a teen, struggles with weight but it does not define her and who she see's herself, she see's that as her battle not her definition.

Kimberly I was going to suggest checking out books about bullying/self-esteem, but it looks like you already had the same idea! This kind of stuff always makes me angry. I have four kids who all march to the beat of the their own drum in one way or another. I always quote Dr. Seuss to them: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Although it's tough now, I think that Mali is going to be one of the most awesome adults ever. She's already a damn cool kid! I love hearing your stories about her and she just seems like she has the best attitude. Hopefully she never loses her individuality.

Amy  I also wanted to say that bulling is out there because as parents we don't correct our children and those carrying for our kids can't due to all the restrictions on them. For Mali, not only help her build up her own self esteem but teach her to keep that kind hearted personality you say she has, that kindness will hurt a lot through the years but it also will make her into a light as she grows up.

Erin  Talked to my friends. Their daughters took hip-hop and break dancing at Generations in Westerville and Artisan Dance Studio in Clintonville. No dresses permitted!

Jo  Send her to Colorado to hang out with her Aunt YoYo who NEVER wore dresses and who had short hair for most of her life who has more doc martens in her shoe box than any other shoes - tell Mali that mean people plant little seeds that are bad seeds - tell her the only way for her to battle kids making fun of her is to Not give those nasty little seeds any water - and then those stomach aches will stay away

She is who she is. Tell her to tell herself she is awesome and that if anyone is making fun of her it's because they want to be just like her!!

If that doesn't work then I'm gonna teach her to kick some ass ...

Kristy  Mean kids suck..... have her wear a long blond girly wig to school for fun.. have her ham it up.. then take it off...it will look so ridiculous they will realize that look is so not her!

Chantel Right?! My boys are my heros!!!!! I wish I had their courage and strength of character before I turned 30!!!!!

Theresa 
Amy  ~ wow. That sounds so tough but I'm glad Addi has done well in overcoming that tough lesson that we all go through at one point or another in our lives. And you and Kimberly are right...the junk she's going through now really stinks but hopefully it will strengthen her in the long run. I'd much rather have her become a creative, strong, empathetic and kind individual than just one of the herd who can't relate enough to others' pain and perpetuates their own pain on others. Thank you both for sharing with me...it really helps :)

Theresa
Jo  ~ I'm so glad you're in our lives...I will read your message to her verbatim. xoxo

Donna  I have short hair, hate dresses, dig shorts and tanks. Little boobs (which are proportionate with my chicken legs) Jewelry, simple like me. What you see is what you get and those who call me sir and apologize, no apology needed, this is the way I chose to be comfortable and love life puts them in place. I'm so glad Mali has the best parents ever!

Kellie Mean kids do stink. Alaina had problems on the bus two years ago. It was a little girl who sat behind her and teased her about everything she wore and the way she looked. I finally handed Alaina a little travel pack of Kleenex and told her the next time a little girl made fiber to stand up and hander the Kleenex and tell her here's some tissues for all of your issues. She did that the next day and she did it loud enough that everybody could hear and see her and the girl never made fun of her again. Keep in mind it went on for months before I thought of this idea. It takes a while for them to build up that self-confidence to stand up for what they feel and believe. With Cara, she is enrolled in tae kwon do. That seems to be giving her a lot of self-confidence.

Kristy 
Jo  that is an awesome way to explain things!!! I absolutely love it! Next time I'm in Colorado we are getting a drink!!

Victoria Ph Feeling helpless is exactly how I feel too when Hayden comes home and is sad about someone being mean to him. Unfortunately they are at that age where it becomes painfully clear that kid cruelty is still alive and well. You got a lot of great ideas which I plan to utilize too, but I just wanted to say that you are a great mom to encourage her to be herself and to be kind to others. She will get through this and it will be a season that passes just like all the other not so fun parenting phases. You are doing great momma and all you can do is be her rock and guide through one of life's shitty realities.

Theresa  I love it Donna...no one should ever apologize for being who they are!!

Theresa  Great comeback, Kellie!! Every kid is so different so I'm hoping to figure this out before anything gets too out of hand...kids can be ruthless!! Glad that little girl got put back in her place by Alaina!

Theresa
Victoria Ph ~ Thank you so much! It's so hard to watch but I know she just needs to get through this and find her way (with our help, of course)...I know she will come out stronger and wiser for it. We all went through this and look how fantabulous we all turned out :) Right?!? LOL

Suzanne I talked to delaney about Mali being sad and her short hair and choice of clothes. Delaney said "she likes clothes me!" And the other kids weren't being very nice. She said she would rather try to make her laugh. She looked mali's picture and said she looked like she was a lot of fun and really nice :). She needed some objective kids giving their opinion too.

Theresa
Suzanne ~ tell Delaney that I love her advice and I think that she is very kind and smart and must be a good friend. let her know that I will tell Mali what she said and I bet it will help her feel a lot better :)

Victoria Ph Exactly!! ;)

Tricia Nobody is better than you. Kids are mean :(. Maybe talk to the principle and ask how they would handle it.

Jennifer  I have not a single clue but Jo hit the nail on the head. My baby loves Spider-Man and anything comic or transformer. Mali reminds me of Sofia, even though we shoved Sofia in a dress for the party you came too. Once school starts again we will yet again have the very same Stomach ache and headache problems as you are now. Kids are so mean, but yet I have to step back and look at the mean kids parents because 97% of the time, I can meet them once and right away see where the problems started. This world is such a mean and hateful place and we need more Mali's to plant some more good seeds!!! Please give her a super hug from me and my Spider-Man Sofia and tell her to keep being her happy go lucky self cause that is who so many people know and love!

Theresa  Thank you, Jennifer! And I agree about Jo ~ in fact I just read Mali what Jo had said and she got the biggest kick out of it, giggled at the fact she said "kick some ass", then rolled into me and said, "I really want to see Jo from Colorado" :)

Shelby  :( It's sad that kids can be mean, but that's why it is so important that they are taught manners and have good parents. Tell Mali no worries! I never played with dolls or played house. My mom said she would put me in a dress and do my hair, and I'd come home with my hair all messed up cause kids liked to play with it and my dress all dirty from playing with the boys. I hated wearing dresses and skirts until college. Not everybody follows the norm or is all girly. Rock on!

Theresa  Thank you, Shelby!

Beth Kids can be so cruel, but then again, we see it all the time with adults too, so it is no wonder where it is coming from. MZW has heard a few not so nice comments thrown his way and he is just so sad about it- he has a very hard time letting them go too. When he and I talk about it I apporach it from the other kid's point of view- what do we think the other kid is thinking, why do we think the other kid is acting this way, what is the other kid missing out on at home that makes him act up with others... I want Matthew to walk away and ignore, but I also want him to both show compassion to others who may be hurting and to appreciate what he has. :) that being said, how cool is it that Christina said "...my children..." :)

Patricia My mom died when I was six. I lived with my grandma for 2 years. She had all my hair cut very short b/c it was easier for her. I wore my cousins hand me downs (his name was David) boots and coats too. Kids made fun of me at recess because my mom died. (Teasing: Patti has no mommy) After recess one of the boys at my table said, don't cry Patti I'm gonna beat all those kids up after school. I smiled. His name was Mike Scott! One good friend makes all the difference!

Theresa Love the compassion tips, Beth. There are a few kids at school who are having some serious behavior issues and at least two of them I know of are going through very rough situations at home. Mali is aware of some of the kids dealing with divorce already. Last night, we talked a little about wondering what might be happening outside of school that might make one kid in particular act soon mean. It does help to turn the focus on that aspect. Several of the story books I picked up touched on that too and she liked the stories. I'll be sure to use some of your questions with her in the future!

Theresa Oh, Patricia ~ that makes me cry. I'm sorry that you went through such sadness but what a great friend! All it takes is one good one to make a huge difference. To know you today, all of the trials you gave been through have only made you more magnificent! xoxo

Patricia  There have always been bullies. Friends can really make the difference. Actually being a tomboy was much more fun than one of the dainty delicate types. You get to play soccer and football instead of doing dishes!

Theresa  Mali easily makes friends and has a few of the kids light up when she arrives at daycare in the morning. I'm very thankful for that! I think she'll be ok...it just gets hard to watch some of the crap that goes on. But you're definitely right, much more fun to be the silly tomboy in my opinion too!

Julie Be true to yourself.... that's what makes you YOU:-) i will keep you all in my prayers!!!!

Theresa Thanks Julie !

Friends and Family

Maliana ~

Monday morning brought some chuckles as I was reminded of a conversation from the night before. Here it is, as posted on Facebook:
~ I kept wondering why Mali was so against wearing short shorts for summer...she only likes the longer, more baggy kind. I thought it was a comfort thing. Then last night this happened while she was trying on a new pair of slightly shorter (than her usual) shorts, and it all makes sense:
Mali: "Mom, they're too short."
Me: "No, they're not."
Mali: "Yes, they are. I might get in trouble at school." (aka daycare)
Me: ???
Mali: "If my shirt is too long, everyone will think I'm going commando!"
#thankyoudaycareforthenewvocabword

While the day started with some chuckles, it unfortunately took a turn for the worse. Daddy and I got some phone calls from you at work. Evidently two of the kids at daycare are royal pains in the butt and had really upset you enough to want to reach out and talk to both Daddy and me. Our hearts broke for you, not only because you're our baby and this life lesson is so painful to watch, but also because we can remember all too well how much it hurts to deal with the "mean kids" at school (and in life). I reached out for support (in my own ways) in trying to gather ideas on how best to help you (which I will post in a separate blog entry later). When I picked you up from daycare, I took you to Easton for some ice cream at Jeni's and we read a few of the anti-bullying storybooks that I'd checked out from the library that afternoon, ending with a trip to the Lego store. I may not have solved a lot that afternoon, but ice cream and Legos do help at least a little. I also hope that these small gestures, along with our listening ears and continuing conversations about it all, help you realize that we are here for you, in good times and bad, no matter what. You've got Daddy and I's support. Always.

salty caramel and buttermint flavors ~ yum!

The ice cream wasn't the only thing melting that afternoon either. If you recall, that day was the day that you wore what you felt to be "too short" shorts (remember the "commando" conversation?). In the bathroom at Jeni's you told me, "Mom, I don't want to be rude but..." and then proceeded to discuss how your shorts felt too short and basically made you feel uncomfortable. You were so concerned about hurting my feelings, repeatedly telling me that you didn't want to make me sad or be rude, since I was the one who had bought you the shorts in the first place. Geesh, kid. Your sincerity and thoughtfulness truly melt my heart sometimes.

The rest of the week thankfully went much better at school. In fact, I got this picture from daycare one day with a note that said you had told a classroom visitor that you were going to migrate someplace warmer. Ha ha.

pirate cowboy?

Then you got to spend some fantastic daddy/daughter time as well...putt-putting and Knight's Ice Cream. You got 3(!), count 'em 3(!!), holes in one and even (legit) beat Daddy by one stroke!!! Yahoo!! You rock, Mali Ollie!!

hole in one on hole 6 for the 6 year old! 

We also attended a free concert at the Commons this week...our friend/neighbor Jess (aka Tha Game Masta) was performing with another band (The Conspiracy Band) during their show. She did so great and it was a fun evening with all of us neighbors from the 'hood out to support her along with her friends and family. You are a fan of hip hop and rap so your eyes were glued to her the entire time she was performing. If you weren't so tired, you just might have started to pop 'n lock...who knows? Ha.

Tha Game Masta

With only a few weeks before school starts again (gasp!), I decided use some vacation time and spend the day with you getting your school supplies and (trying to get) clothes. Before I go any further, let me just say it was an awesome day and I thoroughly enjoyed hangin' with you. You chatted up a storm and joked around all day, even in your more tired moments, you still were full of sweetness and light.

messages for Mom in the morning dew
#Iloveyou

We went to speech, then picked up your new glasses (eep!), then went to Meijer to get your school supplies (which you carefully hand-picked each one), and then headed to Polaris to see if we could find some new school clothes for you. We weren't able to get as many items as I had hoped due to the fact that you have a very particular taste and it's hard to find anything for you in the typical department stores. You're an interesting mix of eclecticism, kiddo. For example, here are a couple of things that peaked your interest while school clothes shopping:

this was on mega sale and you lit up, so naturally we had to buy it. you got the biggest kick out of trying it on and told me that you were now a "professional inklin'". we finally figured out that that is some sort of 'science person' and you are excited to wear this suit ("to big events, like baby showers and weddings") and are currently searching for 'workin' man' shoes to go with it. (oh my, what will you think of next??)

I guarantee that you would be the only
Hulk in first grade!

After shopping, I had promised to take you to the Lego store so you could use your own money to build 3 little Lego people for which you came up with the ideas for them all on your own; they are a "workin' man", a doctor, and a Beastie Boy. Ha. You crack me up, little one.

After that, we headed back up to Polaris to have a late lunch with Uncle Blaize who we haven't seen in way too long. You were very excited to spend some time together and I really enjoyed chatting with him about all sorts of things. Daddy and I think very highly of him and as you can see by the picture below, so do you.

I love how you're looking up at him

Saturday morning we headed out for an early play-date at the playground with your buddy, Jocelyn, and her mom and brother, Dylan. You had a lot of fun, telling me as we walked out to the car afterwards, "They are really good friends, Mom". So sweet.

"Mom, can we go on an adventure by ourselves?"

Almost as soon as we got home you headed back out to a friend's birthday party at the World of Bounce. Daddy volunteered to take you so that I could get some grocery and school shopping done. Actually, I think he just wanted to go and enjoy the party too since I heard later that he not only bounced and slid right along with you kids, but also entertained everyone with his "magic marble". Once a kid, always a kid when it comes to your daddy. Ha.

Sunday morning we woke up and you went directly into your rooms and began cleaning them, without me even reminding you once that this is your new chore on Sunday mornings. I was impressed and you were so proud to show off your handiwork when done. Then, to add a cherry on top, you even asked if you could help me with the laundry. Such a big kid nowadays.

That afternoon, we met Memaw, Papaw, Uncle Kevin, Aunt Beth, and your cousins at Cracker Barrel for lunch, then headed out to your cousins' house for some playtime. You miss all of them and were so tickled to get invited to come out to their house. It was a really nice visit, as usual. Always nice to see the fam bam.

checkers with Alex, Joey, and Sammy

you girls are the apples of your grandparents' eyes

"we moustache you a question..."
(your first intentional selfie)

getting good and dirty in Sam's sandbox

Later that night, Lalie came home from her week long trip to the Outer Banks with her volleyball team. You were as excited to see her as she was to be home. You headed next door to play mancala with them and hang out, thrilled when Lalie told you that mancala was her favorite game too! You adore this family so much.

welcome home, Lalie!

Nothing like friends and family...especially nice when the two become one. We're so lucky.

Love,
Mama