Democracy, Adoption, and Campfires

Maliana ~

This week we did our civic duty and participated in democracy by voting in the mid-term elections. You even pushed all of the buttons for me and felt pretty fancy doing so.

thanks for the help, kiddo!

When we got home, I thought it was fitting that you chose your book about Martin Luther King, Jr. (you call him 'Marthur Luther King') for your homework and even drew a great picture of him giving a speech. I love that this book about racism, equality and civil rights is resonating with you so much.

you wrote, 'This is a pishr of Martin Luther King Jr.'
(he's giving a speech)

here's a picture you also drew of our family having a snowball
fight and you wrote, 'I love winter because I only eat white snow'

The rest of the night was spent writing a letter back to Mia (you two have become quite the little pen pals lately), dancing together (you requested Gangnam Style, knowing your mama would act like a fool with you), walking the dogs and talking about our days, and (you) doing yoga with Daddy while I ran to the gym. I love nights like this when we all just spend time doing nothing in particular but feeling close to one another.

We also finally got your school pictures back too, from both elementary school and daycare. They turned out super cute, if I do say so myself!

school picture, first grade

daycare pictures

Along with your rockin' school pictures...you also shared this little nugget with me...
~ On the way home today, Mali told me that if she were a turkey, she'd dress up like Sponge Bob so that no one would eat her.
Good, solid advice, eh?

The weekend finally arrived and it was really enjoyable for all. You spent a lot of time with Daddy this weekend and it was fantastic. You had a blast and watching the two of you together made me fall in love with Daddy all over again. He's a pretty awesome guy.

On Saturday, he took you to your mandarin class and then once home, you helped both Daddy and his friend, Sean, work on our retaining wall. You loved doing some shopping at the hardware store and then getting to actually help use some of their power tools. After a while, you came in for some lunch, but not before yelling down, "Hey Sean! I'm not going to build anymore! I'm tired. Can you tell my Daddy?" I guess that was your way of going 'clocking out' of your construction job. Ha.

no one can say that trips to the hardware store with Daddy are dull

helping Sean use his drill

That night I had made some beef stew in the crock pot and Audrey came over and all of us played different games and just acted like silly crazy people until bedtime. You even showed us your 'famous' card trick (which is pretty hysterical). It was a simple night, but those always turn out to be full of happy surprises. You were so slap-happy while we gave you a bath that you had us all cracking up. Being your mom is such a treasure ~ it's the simple joys that make life so much fun.

silly, silly, silly girls

Here's a little clip of part of your card trick...

Mali's (Not So) Slight of Hand

And just a small portion of the ensuing insanity in the bath tub...you came up with this one all on your own...

I am Bat Dad!

On Sunday you had a lot of Daddy time. I headed down to IKEA with Lao Lao to help her pick up a new kitchen table and had no idea what you and Daddy would be up to, but was pleasantly surprised when I received some updates throughout the day. You both had decided to have a Wild West Adventure and take the dutch oven out into our backyard and cook some vegetable soup over an open fire. You flipped out at this suggestion and were in hog heaven with getting to help Daddy build and stoke the fire; even eating the entire can of soup all by yourself straight out of the pot with your spoon. You were such a character that Daddy made videos of you, complete with swagger and a southern drawl. I. LOVE. IT. You have such an amazing camera presence...I'm thinking you just might need your own YouTube channel. There are already several people who I am sure would subscribe. Your personality is one in a million...and then some!

thumbs up for living off the land!!

Here are the videos...each more adorable than the last!

Wild West Adventure - part 1!

Wild West Adventure - part 2!

Wild West Adventure - part 3!

After your adventure in the backyard, Daddy took you to swim lessons and then Piada for dinner. You were pretty wiped out and so as he carried you from the car up to the house, you rested your head on his shoulder. He loved it. For the most part, you've been a mama's girl, so Daddy lives for moments like that. It was such a special day for the two of you...once again, one of those simple days that turns out to be full of happy surprises.

Once I got home, I had noticed that he had also packed your lunch for the next day...with this inside...

All of this just made my heart so full.

And last but certainly not least, this week we were able to explicitly touch on and directly address an issue that I've been pondering and wrestling with for some time now...over five years, to be exact. It's something that's particularly weighed heavier on my heart as you've gotten older and most certainly within the last few years. ... Your first family...your birth family...your China family.

This family that shares your bloodline has always been in my thoughts and I have tried to honor them in various ways and mention them when I could. With you being so young (up until now), I wasn't sure how much of it you understood, how much of it seemed real to you or how much seemed like just an abstract concept. Over the last several weeks, I've come across a lot of articles and other information on the topic, both from other adoptive families and invaluably from other adoptees. With your recent growth (both physically and emotionally), it seemed like a good time to approach this topic from a more direct angle and get a feel for where you are and what you might need.

Knowing that you are a smart kid, but also at that age where things are still pretty concrete, I brainstormed some ideas about how to give all of us a way to further communicate an openness with you about your birth family, ways to tangibly honor them and help you begin to wrestle with any questions, concerns, thoughts, and feelings that may begin to come up as you start to process this part of your life. A couple of the ideas I came up with (for better or worse) were providing you a special jar or box that you could use to put inside any notes, pictures, questions, or other mementos that you might wish to symbolically share with your birth family; I also thought we could get a special candle that we can light whenever you (or any of us) wish to honor them, such as your birthdays, holidays, special occasions or any other day that they are especially on your mind. I was hoping that doing this would be a start in helping us crack open the door on this part of your journey. But only if you were ready.

The day after I settled on these particular ideas, I brought them up to you when we got home from school to see how you felt about them. You listened to my ideas, thought about them for a minute, and then hesitated. I prodded you a bit and eventually you were able to tell me that you weren't interested in doing anything like this yet. While you closed the door a bit to exploring this (with me involved), I am grateful that you were able to verbalize a thoughtful response, voice your needs at this moment in time, and communicate your hesitation to me, on your terms. Up until now, the information that you have been willing to share of your thoughts or feelings about your birth family, the beginning of your life in China, and your adoption have been very minimal. And while it seems it will remain pretty minimal for now, I completely respect where you are. I still worry that we are not doing or saying enough for you in discussing your beginnings, and for that I apologize in advance if we are failing you. But at this moment in time, I feel I need to fully respect that these are not the steps you are ready to take yet. I did make sure to let you know that Daddy and I will be here when you are ready to take a next step, whatever and whenever it may be.

Even though we aren't going to take this particular road at this moment in time, I finally feel like I understand a sliver more of where you might be on your path. I don't presume to know what you are going through...but I hope that we can keep the lines of communication open so that you are comfortable talking to Daddy and me when the time is right. I am more than happy to take your lead, to go at whatever pace you see fit. And while it may not be right now, I do hope with all of my heart that you will feel comfortable coming to us when the time comes. You can tell us anything, no matter what. I told you so much, at that moment in our conversation. And I honestly think you took it in. I hope that you are taking it to heart. We'll see where it all goes from here. The road you will travel in processing and piecing together your whole life will be complex and not always easy. There will be ups and downs and all sorts of thoughts and feelings that I have no way of predicting. I may not be able to take away the pain that is inevitable, but I can tell you that your Daddy and I will be here to help in any way that we can. I promise.

I love you to the moon and back...and even farther...always and forever.

Love,
Mama

P.S.
And since this letter to you leaves off on the topic of adoption and all that goes with it, it is fitting to mention that November is America's national adoption month. This Sunday was actually the first annual World Adoption Day...history in the making. Social media blew up with pictures of families touched by adoption showing smiley faces they had drawn on their hands. Of course we jumped on the bandwagon too. What kid would pass up a chance to draw on their parents in permanent marker?

happy #worldadoptionday

xo
mama

Halloween and Indianapolis

Maliana ~

We had a couple bits o' business to take care of this week, but for the most part, it was a fun-filled week full of Halloween celebrations, trick or treating, parties, and an out of town girls' trip adventure!

For one bit of business, you begged me to attend a Wilder fundraiser at the skating rink, and with the big elephant tears you whipped out when I wavered on saying yes, I knew I had to buck up and take you in spite of how tired and worn out I felt. Daddy met us there and while there wasn't a big turnout at all, I'm glad that we at least did our part.

this is your "I'm on skates but I'm not happy
about letting you take a picture" face

dancing with a friend from school

I also had a meeting at Children's Hospital this week for the Cleft Lip and Palate Parents' Advisory Group to which I belong and wound up taking you with me. You told Miss Jessica that morning at daycare that you had a meeting to attend and so would not be back after school, and then added, "but, I can come back if you want me to" with a combination of casual nonchalance and huge swagger. My little executive is in such high demand. Ha. You did fantastic entertaining yourself during the meeting and just so happened to be wearing your Team Lentil t-shirt of which the psychologist there knows all about. We chatted a bit with her and are hoping to somehow get little Lentil Bean to come to one of our events next year. Wouldn't that be awesome? We love that little pup.

Lentil is an adorable little dog that was also
born with a cleft lip and palate and has
become a national spokes-pup for
kids with craniofacial conditions

Beggar's night was on All Hallow's Eve and while I have no idea where your idea for a vampire costume was born, it ended up being the perfect choice for you! We did your hair into a widow's peak and with the short length, it couldn't have turned out any better. I LOVED it. Once you got over your shyness, you grew more comfortable with showing off your costume and got even more into trick or treating this year than last. You were still hesitant about going up to peoples' doors, but by the end of our outing, you were doing it like a pro.

you wanted Daddy and I to wear our capes
and Lao Lao was also dressed up as
Rosie the Riveter

we ran into Addison,our old neighbor

and some of the kids from the 'hood

You lasted about an hour and we headed back to the bonfire in Mark and Jen's driveway where about 5 houses full of neighbors came over to hang out, roast hot dogs and marshmallows, and laugh the evening away while we handed out candy. Once the begging hours had passed, you headed inside with Sophia, Cori and their friends for the big "candy trade" and some Wii while us grown ups stayed out in the cold around the fire, talking.


we also came up with a new Halloween tradition that we've named
"slip the weiner"...basically slipping a chunk of cold uncooked
hot dog in an unsuspecting kid's bag with their candy
(Sophia was our first victim this year)

sugar coma crash on my lap after your
big Halloween trick or treat night

It was a late night but luckily the next morning was Friday and fortuitously, your speech session was canceled so we got to sleep in another 30-45 minutes (doesn't sound like much but hey, every little bit helps). We got you ready for school and I was so tickled that you wanted to wear your vampire costume again (you weren't sure that you had wanted to earlier in the week, afraid you'd be embarrassed). We pulled up at school and you wanted to stay in the car for a few minutes, scoping out if any other kids were in costume. I guess you didn't believe me that other kids would actually be dressing up! We saw a couple of kids and even a mom (!) in costume and so you agreed to walk up to the front doors with me. I was carrying the spider and bat cupcakes that we'd made for your class party that afternoon and while I went in with you and put them in your classroom, you were still a little shy. Once in your room though, you flipped a switch and were totally comfortable, fully in school and friend mode. You were in your element. I love seeing you like that. I (almost) don't even mind that you barely acknowledge that I'm leaving and Heaven forbid you let me kiss you or say "I love you" in front of your friends. *sigh* This is just a taste of the years ahead and I guess I am ok with it...no, I know I'm ok with it. It's just so odd sometimes to see with my own eyes that you have this whole entire wonderful life outside of our safe little family bubble. It's surreal in certain moments and I have to catch my breath sometimes.

making the cupcakes with me

That afternoon was your class party and even Lao Lao came to help out! It was fun to see you kids in all of your costumes, to watch your faces light up with each of the festivities, to see the gleams in your eyes as you were proud of an achievement or delighting in a detail of the party, and to feel the excitement in the room as you went from activity to activity. 6 years old is such a fun age! I can totally see why Miss Stenger chooses to teach first grade and it's like watching a magic show to see how beautifully she interacts with and elicits responses from you children. At our parent-teacher conference the other week she related a story about how someone asked her why she teaches first grade and she responded with, "Because I like to have fun!" As we headed off to begin our weekend, the big hug that you gave Miss Stenger as we left the room said it all. From a kid who is very choosy about who she gives hugs and kisses to, that hug spoke volumes. We are so fortunate to have landed under this teacher's caring guidance.

the costume parade through the school

Saturday you hung out with Lao Lao while Daddy and I went to see Uncle Blaize's play, The Crucible. It was a bit more mature than a 6 year old would probably be interested in or else we would have definitely taken you. Immediately afterward, Daddy and I raced home; I scooped you and Lao Lao up and we headed off on our first girls' trip in what seems like a long time ~ Indianapolis to see their Children's Museum and its China exhibit!

When we arrived in Indy and checked into our hotel, they provided an upgrad to our room and let us stay in an actual train car! You see, the Crowne Plaza in Downtown Indianapolis was built over the site that was the very first Union Station in the U.S. It was a really cool surprise and a fun and unique night in a hotel.

Choo Choo!

peeking out one of our windows in the room

We got there late and were excited to go for a dip in the pool before bed. You exclaimed, "I am so pumped!" as we headed down the elevator. Unfortunately though, the pool was closed when we got there. Bummer! But we made the best of it by running around and taking pictures of each other photo-bombing the mannequins that were randomly placed all over the hotel. It was hilarious and we had so much fun just being obnoxiously goofy.

silly Lao Lao

this police officer did not enjoy my twerking

riding the paper boy's wagon

stealing drinks

stealing this sailor's bag - you said you
were a "robert" (aka robber)

this police officer had hog-tied you...ha!

giving this kid a boost onto the train

So...first thing in the morning we headed down to the pool and got our swim on. You had a ball and even though the water was freezing, I put my 'big girl panties' on and got in with you. It was fun, in spite of our shivering and blue lips.

After that, we headed off to the museum which was...AH-mazing! 4 floors of all sorts of hands-on learning activities for kids of all ages ~ fantastic! We saw the Terra Cotta Warrior exhibit first and then headed off to their Take Me to China exhibit (which you later told us was your favorite of everything and the reason we made this pilgrimage in the first place)...but we also saw the Dinosphere, train section, and all sorts of other areas. On the way home, we stopped at a Chinese restaurant in Richmond (IN) for dinner (the Jade Garden) and became chummy with the proprietor there who is from Taiwan. He was very nice and we promised him we'd send more people his way. The entire day felt wonderful with lots of singing, giggling, spontaneous dancing, joking and laughing all day long. This girls' trip (as brief as it may have been) was just the medicine I needed to ground me again and remind me of what's important. I love going out of town because it provides my free spirit the nudge it needs to wake up again. Being physically away from the everyday responsibilities helps me relax and just enjoy each and every moment with you. I remember how to joyfully laugh and fall hopelessly in love with you all over again. Numerous times while we were gone, I remarked to myself (and to Lao Lao) about what an awesome kid you are and how much fun you are to be around. We really, really, really lucked out in getting to be part of your family and share this thing called life with you. Between the two of you ~ I just love, love, love my girls!

quiet morning, chatting in bed while sipping your coffees...
moments like these are just one of the many
reasons I love our girls' trips.

making your own Terra Cotta Warrior face

your warrior is in there somewhere ~ I think you said it's
the second from the right in the front row

rebuilding a Terra Cotta Warrior

admiring your work

you with the warrior and your helper

learning how to properly drink tea in China

cooking Chinese food

digging for fossils

Dinosphere!

When we arrived home that night, Daddy had lovingly prepared a wonderful dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread with salad for all of us. He had even set the table for four. Unfortunately, none of us were hungry (oops) and he was utterly disappointed and it showed. You even looked at me with a sheepish look and shrug, asking, "What can we do to make Daddy happy?" Then you immediately came up with an idea and took me to your playroom to draw an apology card and color a picture for him. It worked because he felt a lot better. We swear next time we go out of town, we'll come home starving...ok, Daddy? Promise!

That night, you helped me out by packing your own lunch for the morning, telling me, "You know I like to helpful!" As I packed my lunch, you even decided to write a note on my banana this time...such a sweet kiddo. Love you so much.

translation = "I love you and I forgot that you are the best mom"
(not sure what that whole 'forgot' part means, but I'll take it!)

The next morning, on Monday, I couldn't bear to get up and out of bed at my usual time. I was exhausted. Plus, I just didn't want my lovely weekend to end. I got a little extra shut-eye and then was able to get up and make you eggs and peanut butter toast to start your morning off right; then I drove you to school and walked you to the front doors (which is normally just a Friday thing for us). I just love spending time with you so much, I didn't want it to end. Once you were with your friends, and of course Miss Awesome (aka Miss Stenger), I was free to go, safe in the knowledge that you had started your week off right, (and me too)!

Love you, Monkey.

Love,
Mama

P.S.
Going away is fun, but it sure is good to be home too...

bedtime stories for Suzy
(this pup clearly missed her best buddy)