Adoption and Social Media...Gotta Love 'Em!

Maliana ~

Big stuff to begin our week. Monday was the day we went to pick up your kindergarten registration packet. We talked about you starting school in the fall and of course, right before we needed to race out of the house again was when you decided to ask some of the questions I’ve been thinking about for months. You asked for a baby picture of yourself, then where babies come from, if you were different, and about your China/belly mommy. I paused, took a deep breath, and tried to remember all of the responses I’d rehearsed ever since we knew you were coming home.

 

I explained that all babies come from mommies’ bellies, and then went into what possibly happened when you were born. I tried to let you lead, answering just what you were asking, and likening it to your book, “Sweet Moon Baby” that tells a tale about a Chinese adoption. I said that we’re not completely sure, but that it is likely your parents did not have enough money to feed you or take care of you like they needed to, so they gave you to the orphanage where they knew you’d have enough to eat and be cared for while you waited for Daddy and I to come get you. It was a bit of a tenuous conversation. I could see your wheels turning. I know I will probably always second guess what I say to you in these situations. I just wish I could climb behind your eyes for just a moment to see what was going on in that brilliant little mind of yours. But, I cannot. So, we will just take each of these conversations one at a time and hope against hope that I (along with Daddy) am telling you what you need to know and giving you the tools to make sense of your own story as only you will be able. Time will tell.   

 

It was finally time to leave the house and we headed to what we hope will be your elementary school. We were able to meet the two kindergarten teachers, Ms. Fitzpatrick and Ms. Gormley. They are both extremely nice but the one who stuck out to me was Ms. Fitzpatrick. She took a couple looks at you, in your own uniquely handpicked outfit, and commented that she can tell you are an independent kid. She said she could tell you are a kid with your own voice, to which I replied with a smile, “Yep, and we want to keep it that way too.” She then said she understood because her kid was just like you are now, always wanting to wear sweats and tennis shoes, getting asked “Why do you dress like a boy?” and replying “Because I like it!” Her daughter did what she enjoyed, no matter what, and she is still like that at age 20. I loved that this particular teacher just seemed to “get you”. I really hope that you not only are able to go to Wilder Elementary, but that you can get in Ms. Fitzpatrick’s class too. That would be wonderful.

 
 

On the way home we had a great talk about feeling nervous, taking the school bus, and being in a new class. You were very excited to thoroughly check out the kindergarten classroom so you are definitely curious about the whole endeavor. Just a little nervous too. I told you that it’s ok to be nervous. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. You seemed to think about this for a bit. Once we met Daddy for dinner on the way home, you were acting like your silly self again.

On Tuesday Ms. Beth showed us the poster she had made
displaying you and I's Chinese New Year lesson for your class.
How cool is your teacher/school?!

Family dinners are going great this week. I love chatting with both you and Daddy over candlelight, which you’ve continued to insist on lnog after Valentine's Day. I sat there looking at you, all propped up on two couch cushions (that you drag over to your kitchen chair each night), eyes twinkling, smiling, and trying to think of what you want to talk about next. I love these moments with all of us together. Something so simple but that makes you so happy.
 

Thursday I had book club and so Daddy took you to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner and evidently the server at CPK remembered you from a past visit (“Hey Mali! How are you?!”) and decided to treat you both to what she dubbed the "cadillac of booths" and then hung out with you for a while. I tell ya kid, you have an impact on people. These dates with Daddy are great too because it really helps you both bond. As you played games at KDB after dinner, you said, “I’m having fun with you Dad. Are you having fun with me?” and then as Daddy was being silly while you both were at Lowes, you said, “You crack me up Dad!” I love coming home from some “mommy time” and hearing stories like that.

 

Friday evening we had a double date night to with Uncle Joe and Aunt Tina...we had some much needed laughs as we ate dinner at a new Brazilian joint while you happily played at home with your Lao Lao.

crazy for coloring

Then came the weekend, with a little Saturday morning honesty and some silliness on the side...


Conversation after we both just rolled out of bed;
Mali: "Mom, your breath stinks!"
Mom: "I'm sorry."
Mali: "It's ok! You smell like me!"

like father, like daughter

And I must give a big shout out to social media on Saturday afternoon. Thanks to your blog and Facebook, we were finally able to hook up with a family from northern Ohio that we have been in “cyber contact” with for a while. We got to meet the Houghtaling family (John, Sara, and Ava Kate) who adopted from China through EAC just like us! We also met the Metz family (who are mutual friends with the Houghtalings) for lunch and a play date at Polaris mall. You were a bit tired at lunch, acting much more bashful than usual, however by the time we got to the actual mall and you kids could all run around together, you were acting like your normal self. It was so fun to get to know this family and for all three of our families to spend some time together. All of you kids are so sweet and have such funny little personalities. For as many mixed feelings as I have about Facebook sometimes, this is definitely a situation I’ll put in the win column. So thankful to have yet another very cool family in our lives...these connections we have made through adoption are priceless. So thankful!

is it me or do two of these mannequins look different?

finally we meet the Houghtaling family!

all three of you are spectacular in so many different ways!
and here is the Facebook caption from Sara that sums it up perfectly:
"These three little girls have no idea what they made happen today! Because of these sweet little faces, friendships were forever bonded. The adoption world is a special one! Some of the most special people in my life are that I have made on this journey!! #blessed"

almost twinsies

riding a tiger

with the moms

with Niubei

with Ava Kate

with the dads

we let you both loose in the candy store with our
credit cards...what could possibly go wrong?

 

Daddy took you to breakfast on Sunday with Memaw and Papaw, then on the way home you jammed to Bruno Mars’ new song, “Locked out of Heaven”, however YOUR particular version sounds like this, “Locked out of Helen”. Ha.

 

We didn’t do a lot of anything else on Sunday. We were all pretty exhausted and just hunkered down on that grey day, making more furniture for your little shoebox houses, had another super family dinner (this time you wanted us to take turns and tell silly stories we had made up which turned out really fun!), and had a rousing game of Operation before bed. In fact, you reminded us of our newly decided tradition, to play one family game each night. After dinner you exclaimed, “You are my best family!” Once again, something so simple yet makes you so happy. Why did we not do this sooner?

hanging out under your bunk bed fort, with the model
bunk bed we made out of sticks for your LPS critters...so proud!
you love figuring out how to make these little models with
me, even grabbing your camera and taking a photo of
your own bed to show me how it's done!

Love,

Mama

Kindergarten 101, Valentine's Day, and Why We Now Love Hot Glue Guns!

Maliana ~

As I sit here at the end of one week and the beginning of the next...I am just so tired and don't really feel like doing a lot of writing right now. Sometimes I have these periods where I just feel blue. Not really sure exactly why, I just do. A major reason why I put this in here is to let you know that it's ok to feel blue sometimes. It's really ok to feel any way you need to at any time, none of us can help how we feel. It's what we choose to think and do with our feelings that counts. Sometimes, I get the sense that you have trouble admitting to identifying and experiencing the more difficult range of emotions. I should know...sometimes I do too. In those moments, I think it's important to step back and look inside, give yourself a break, be gentle and kind, figure out what you truly need...then work on making it happen.

Anyway, in honor of my needing to take it a little easy right now...I thought I'd just do more of a hodge podge of quotes, pictures and captions, and with a few various paragaphs sprinkled in to summarize our week. I'll start with that disclaimer and we'll see where it goes...

Here's one of my favorite quotes this week.
Mali: "I've been 4 for ages! When am I gonna be 5?!"
Mom: *giggle* "Soon, very soon. Less than a month now!"

Sometimes Daddy worries so much about having a good bond with you,
and sometimes you really are a lot harder on him than you are on me
when it comes to simple cooperation. He tells me that he isn't
sure where he fits in with us (or you) at times and it breaks my heart.
However, when I see the two of you like this, I know all is
exactly as it should be. You are so silly together!

You had your first surgery follow up at the hospital this week, which went great. Things are healing nicely. You also wore your Chinese New Year outfit for the rest of the week to school. We figured, what the heck! You were happy and felt proud of it...what did it hurt? It was quite a sight though as we took Abby for a walk on a warmer day. Abby in her post-surgery t-shirt and you in your Chinese New Year outfit. I'm sure the neighbors were scratching their heads. 

 

you definitely have your own style

Kindergarten 101 meeting this week too. Oy. My pictures and status from Facebook about sum it up.
~at the Kindergarten 101 meeting, listening to everything that Mali needs to know or will learn her first year in school, I am completely confident that she is more than ready to dive in. Loved watching her skip through the same halls that I did as a kid and get excited that the bathroom sinks were "just my size, Mom!!" But...am I completely ready for this new part of the journey? Hmmm, not so much. Had to fight back tears the whole evening!

"Mom! They're just my size!"

Cherrington Elementary...the same halls
I used to walk as a kid



I can't believe I'm going to have a kindergartener soon!

Daddy has been home extremely late this week, missing our family dinners I've been attempting to be more consistent with...however you and I decided to try to make these dinners special anyway, even if it was just the two of us. Perhaps it was Valentine's Day this week that inspired me to light a candle at mealtime, but we lit a candle on the table and I forced you to put away the Ipad and I pulled out some questions for a new tradition of ours called "talk time". I asked you a series of questions which you answered as only you can. You LOVED it. In fact, you even requested we do it again the next night, and then also do it once more the night that Daddy actually did make it home on time for dinner. Here are a list of the questions and your responses:

1. What do you like to dream about?  "Transformers."
2. What is your best memory from school?  "When you pick me up."
3. Who is your hero? Why?  "Batman. Because he can fly."
4. How would you describe your family?  "Take care of me. Get stuff for me. Get my jammies on."
5. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?  "Transformer. Change into a car and people."
6. What are you most proud of yourself for?  "I like to have fun!"
7. Who is the kindest person you know? Why?  "Mommy. You take care of me. I love her. She helps me. She picks me up. Sometimes she takes me to school. She buckles me up (in the car). And we go everywhere (New York City)."
8. What do you like most about your friends?  "They play with me. Have fun. We go on the playground."
9. If you were an animal, what one would you be?  "A grown up tiger."
10. What is the scariest thing that has happened?  "Darth Vader. Because he's mean."
11. If you could only keep one thing, out of everything you have, what would it be?  "Little Pet Shop."
12. What's the best thing about your teacher this year?  "That she will help us."
13. When do you feel misunderstood by grown ups?  "When Mom and Dad are talking, and you don't hear me."
14. What's something that makes you angry?  "Nothing." (then after being probed, telling you that everyone gets mad sometimes, you said...) "When somebody hits me."

Valentine party at school...

ahh...the Valentine box chock full of
"love" from your classmates and teacher

Valentine surprise from Mom...bag of candy and a little
dancing hamster that sings "Call Me Maybe" in
a squeaky voice (I couldn't resist!)

Of course, there's also the infamous "feet in my pants" incident this week...see my Facebook status for explanation:
~ chatting with the hubs at dinner about how I woke up this morning with pre-schooler feet stuffed into the back of my pajama pants...no matter what I do, Mali loves to stick her feet down "the crack" while we're sleeping, multiple times a night...he pointed out that I might be irritated by it right now, but someday I just might miss it. I suppose he's probably right :-)

And the following are just some wise words I found that struck a chord with me as important stuff to remember as you grow up. So many people I know have still not learned how to do this comfortably...particularly women. If you can learn to be your own best friend, you will never be alone.

On Saturday we took a long (much needed) family nap and that evening went out for a little shopping trip. Among other things, we brought home a hot glue gun. I never realized how awesome these little puppies are, and it proved to be so much fun for the two of us. The rest of the weekend we worked on a little house for your Cars and Littlest Pet Shop critters. The minute you woke up on Sunday morning, you wanted to get to working on it again. It's a minor obsession, really. I loved having a little shadow and using our imaginations together.

so proud!

you requested that we have Jon Stewart of the Daily Show on the TV,
and a video about making cakes on the Ipad (you drew both pictures on
them yourself), we made a coffee table out of sticks and you even made
a remote for the tv, we have 2 couches, 4 beds, and you also requested an
"eye dog" (aka seeing eye dog) to help people who can't see very well

And keeping with the use of our imagination and creativity...we put together this little video, click the link below to check it out.

ABC's by the Chin People

Your birthday is coming up and we finally mailed off the invitations:

With your upcoming birthday, combined with all of the cake-making clips you like to watch on your Ipad, you have also informed me that you would like a guitar cake for your 6th birthday, a horse cake for your 7th birthday, and a Strawberry Shortcake cake for your 8th birthday. Wonder how accurate your predictions will be as each of those birthdays draw closer. Watching these tutorials with you has definitely inspired me...I'm game for making any type of cake now!

Monday was President's Day and so we had an extra bonus weekend day. You and I began with your choice of breakfast (Tim Horton's, of course)...then even a trip to the grocery store was fun as we got to leisurely stroll the aisles, rather than our usual rush, rush, rush! You thoroughly enjoyed bagging my groceries too, casually telling me that "yeah, I work here on my days off...you know, helping people." So cute.

evidently this is your "donut face"...would have thought it'd
be more chipper, but perhaps you needed your morning coffee?

Kept our family dinner streak going on Monday evening where Audrey Ayi came over to hang out, helped us decorate cupcakes, and then we all ate some yummy comfort food from the crockpot before watching Hotel Transylvania after Daddy got home. You were glued to that movie...it was surprisingly really good.

And as for the week ahead...yay for short work/school weeks!
Love,
Mama

P.S.
Well, I guess I just can't help myself. What I thought would be a rather brief blog entry turned into another one of my mini-novels. Go figure. Love you Bugs.

Happy Year of the Snake!

Maliana ~

Happy Year of the Snake kiddo! We rounded out the week with a few Chinese New Year celebrations, however I'll start this post by wrapping up all of the other fun little tidbits that happened in our lives this week. For instance, there was a plethora of Mali-isms recently, that just made me smile, laugh, and feel happy to be your mama.

1. You walking into the bathroom to find me looking at my face in the mirror and saying, "Mom, are you looking at your nipples?" (hmmmm...I think you meant "pimples", and no. Ha ha).

2. Out of the blue, asking me to paint your "hang nails" (aka finger nails).

you chose blue, silver, and purple

then you wanted to paint my "hang nails" too

pretty

3. On top of the rarely painted nails, you also declared "Mom, I want to be a girl!" and decided that you wanted to begin wearing dresses to school sometimes. No idea where it came from, and Daddy is taking bets on how long it will last. Time will tell.

you and Khadija from school...in a dress!

4. You say "ovellet" when you mean "all of it" ~ and I love it!

5. Driving you to school one morning, you told me that you had a new nickname for your feet which is "cookie books" and then driving you home another night you decided that the neighborhood next to ours (Strawberry Farms) was now to be called "Fossil Fred". I have no clue about either of these...but yay for imagination!

6. Waiting in line at the grocery, there was a particularly talkative woman who kept asking us (mainly you) all kinds of questions. You became very concerned that she was technically a stranger (you're not supposed to talk to strangers), which led to a discussion on the way to the car about how it's ok to make "small talk" with strangers as long as your mom or dad are with you. You replied with "But Mom, that was BIG talk!" Ha ha. Yes...I agree, she was VERY chatty.

And along with Mali-isms, we had some silly family fun this week on National Pancake Day. We decided to spontaneously go to IHOP for a free stack of pancakes and some hot cocoa to celebrate. I also thought it would be fun if we all wore our matching pajamas too, since we were going out on this IHOP run at almost bedtime anyway. The best way to share this particular story is with Daddy's status on Facebook:
So we went to Ihop for National Pancake Day. You get a stack of pancakes for free. My wonderful wife texts me earlier in the day to tell me that we should wear pajamas just to be fun. I thought she meant that you had to wear them in order to get the free pancakes. Much to my chagrin when we showed up and we were the only ones wearing matching pajamas.

whipped cream noses!

Once home from IHOP, and clearly hopped up on sugar and a pancake high...you ran around the house blowing on all the things that you realized you now could make noise with, without plugging your nose, since your surgery. We heard from several different horns and your harmonica, each time with you announcing "Mom! Watch this!" and with me putting both hands high in the sky and exclaiming "YES!"

On Friday, I came to your school just after nap time and brought a bunch of stuff so that we could teach your class all about Chinese New Year. You helped me read Grace Lin's "Bringing In The New Year", helped your class make a year of the snake craft, and handed out hung bao to all of your classmates. As we began reading the book, I was so happy to hear you exclaim to your friends, "Yeah, I was born from China!" I am so glad that you are feeling a sense of pride in this large part of who you are...you were so excited to share this piece of your life with everyone and I was so excited to have the opportunity to do something so fun (and important) with you.

your friends were very interested in our book

reading to your class

crafting

year of the snake crafts finished!

sending hung bao home with your friends

I also had fun listening to you and Daddy (and Abby) play a very giggly game of hide and seek on Saturday. In fact, I became an unwilling participant in the whole thing as I took a shower and each of you took turns hiding between the shower liner and curtain. What did this whole experience confirm once again for me? The life of a mama = no privacy. Ha.

Daddy went to a guys' card game with a bunch of his friends on Saturday evening, so you, Lao Lao and I all went to dinner and a movie. We saw Wreck It Ralph, which was a good movie but you have this habit of always wanting to leave in the middle of a movie if it gets too intense (which basically is every movie). We always try to make you stick it out, and this movie was no exception, and what do you know(?)...we all ended up loving it. Wonder when you will grow out of that tendency to want to bail?

Sunday was our local Families with Children from China (COFCC) group's Chinese New Year event since it was the first day of the two week long new year celebration. The event went well with some great traditional performances (Chinese yo-yo, martial arts, fan dancing, ribbon dancing, and of course a lion dance!). We've been attending Chinese dance classes through the COFCC youth program (KCAP) about every other Saturday morning for the last few months now. In all honesty, it's like pulling teeth to get you to participate in these bi-weekly classes. You are usually glued to the hip with either Daddy or me, and rarely follow along in your practice classes very closely, if at all. When it came time for the dance recital at this particular CNY event, we really didn't take it very seriously. We took bets that you wouldn't even put on the sparkly outfit, let alone get on stage and dance. Well...boy were we wrong! You not only put on all of the satin and sequins, but you danced your little heart out! Now, I did have to stay up there with you, quietly crouched on stage left behind the curtain, but you did it. You knew all of the moves, listened, smiled, and did exactly what you were supposed to do! Daddy and I were shocked and speechless. I guess you were paying attention all of those weeks in dance class after all. Who knew? I made sure to tell you how proud I was of you, and also how surprised I was that you knew the dance so well after all of that whining and those big clingy productions during practice. It also makes me wonder if this will be a pattern. If so, I think Daddy and I both need to make sure we don't make a habit of underestimating you. You clearly know exactly what's going on, whether you let on that you do or not. I have this sneaking suspicion that Daddy and I are in store for a lot of amazement as you grow up.

all dressed up...ready to go!

Ms. Jenny putting on your blush and lipstick

the obligatory wave to Mom and Dad

"please Mom, save your pictures for the performance!"

so cute...look at those smiles!

the dance crew

hung bao!

 

yuan!

After this event, we went to dinner at Chi Thai where you proceeded to ask us to tell you about when we met you in China. Daddy and I took turns telling you various details and then we all decided to pull out some of our videos from China so we could watch them with you when we got home. It was very emotional and mind-blowing to see how tiny you were, how little we all knew about each other, and then to watch all of the "little" firsts that were so BIG to us back then as we all slowly became a family. The multitude of tears at that first meeting, the hand flicking, drooly bibs, playing in the mirror, throwing Daddy's glasses off and laughing for the first time, reading your first favorite 'touch and feel' book about monsters, the first smile, the silly head tilt as you finally let your guard down a bit while playing, waving or clapping as you copied us, pulling yourself up on your own, and so much more. It was wild. You did pretty good watching all of it, randomly snuggling with either Daddy or I at times, then eventually asking to watch some of your own shows on the Ipad. We finally put the videos away, but not before you said, "Mom, I think I want to stay here forever. Even when I grow up." Of course I replied with an emphatic, "Fine by me!"

some Chinese New Year lo mein!

After we got home, you surprised me at bedtime by wanting to sound out some words (on your own) in one of your books. The word you started with was "dragon" and you took each letter one at a time, just like I have shown you. After watching you up on stage earlier in the day, then later watching those old videos of you as a baby, I was taken aback with how far you have come. Your mannerisms are so different anymore. Even something as mundane as the way you interact with and talk to our dog Abby is just so different, more mature somehow. You are truly turning into a full fledged little girl now...well, BIG girl I should say (or risk being corrected by you). Ahh...it's all so bittersweet. Sad to see my baby has disappeared, but completely in awe of the wonderful person you are becoming and excited to see what's next for us all.

Monday night we attended the final celebration for the weekend at China Dynasty with dinner and a lion dance. There were probably over 40 of us in attendance from our Fu social group. It was impossible to sit and chat with everyone like I had hoped, but still so nice to see them all enjoying good food, good company and a great performance.

our family with the Neuhausels

Morris, Wilkison, and Shelton families

Doelling, Metz, Deacon, and Davis families

Poeppelmeier, Rogers, and Boltz families

feeding the lion a red envelope of money

the lion eating the lettuce and orange from the ceiling

L to R - Mia, you, Charis, Delaney, Lainey, and Niubei
(not nearly all of the kiddos, but these are the last of
us that had stuck around after dinner)

you and Niubei

rubbing the Buddha's belly with Lainey

chopstick power!

And one final note before signing off in this new year of the snake. Last week I mentioned my conscious effort to tell you "I see you. I hear you. I love you. You are important." Well...it could be just a coincidence but ever since I began telling you how I felt in this way, there have been a lot more "I love you" 's, hugs and kisses from you. I mean, a LOT more! All of a sudden. You see, before now you seemed to have trouble saying, "I love you" and instead would substitute it with "I miss you". I never really understood why, but came to understand that that is what you meant and just went with it. For whatever reason, it was what you were more comfortable saying. However, this new development has me wondering if some of the things you desperately needed to hear weren't just "I love you" 's, but to really be shown in such a way that you could understand deep in your core that YOU MATTER...that I see you, I hear you, and that you are important. Now, I know that those are all still just words, but their meaning seems to be more magical, more medicinal, more healing for you. No matter why this might be, and I can make my own guesses, my conclusion is that I will just go with it. Like I did with your "I miss you" 's before...no matter what it takes...I'm just glad I may have found the right combination of words to help you truly understand in your soul what an important place you hold not just in our family and our hearts, but in the world.

Love,
Mama