I usually try to start at the beginning of the month and work my way all the way through. But this month, of all months, that simply does not feel adequate. As I sit here and type this, we are actually just beginning week three of a social distancing/quarantine, a statewide lock-down, for the newest strain of coronavirus that is sweeping the Earth, a global pandemic that none of us alive today has ever seen before. 151 countries around the world have been affected by this virus to the extent that entire localities are being closed down indefinitely in an effort to slow the spread of the virus and flatten the curve so that our health system does not continue to become more overwhelmed by the incredible need right now. This is unprecedented in any of our lifetimes and I hope that you never see another illness such as this for the rest of your time on Earth. This feels surreal. I was sent home from work on March 13th and your school was closed (I believe) earlier that same week. Currently, we are only leaving the house for walks or time in nature, to get groceries, or to support our local restaurants by ordering and picking up takeout. All businesses are closed other than those deemed essential for the functioning of society. Daddy was furloughed temporarily until they can figure out what to do and I am currently still "working" but doing so from home. It's very paltry and I wouldn't be surprised if they furloughed me as well, but the thing for all of us to remember is that 1) this is temporary 2) everyone is in the same boat and 3) we can do hard things. It's been a huge adjustment for you since you adore your teachers and friends and the school community at large. You've confessed that you've been dealing with profound sadness at having missed the face to face social interaction with your friends. It's been very tough.
My own experience continues to be best described in a post I shared on social media on March 23rd:
Last week was my first full week at home and, I'm not gonna lie, was weird with me vascillating between anger, worry, numbness, depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, confusion, overwhelm, and yes, some levity and laughter in there, too. This week started with a sinus headache and a lot of irritability yesterday, but thankfully, today I think I'm finally ready to figure out our new normal for a while. I just needed that week of wrapping my brain around what is happening and making adjustments internally. This share of my own experience is to remind everyone that no matter what you are experiencing right now, it's ok to let yourself feel the feelings, use your intuition to cope in whatever way you feel is necessary (shoot for healthy but don't worry if it's not perfect), and remember that it's ok if your ways of coping are vastly different than others you know. None of us have experienced anything like this before and so we're all doing our best. I've found it's helpful to do things that bring me joy, relaxation, or escape (walking outside in the woods, listening to books on Audible, reorganizing or rearranging little spaces in my house, cooking foods that smell good and are comforting, Face-Timing w friends and being ridiculous together, dancing to music, stretching/breathing deeply/doing yoga, etc). Sometimes I really have to force myself to do these seemingly carefree activities, but I know it's good for my mental health when I can. I am a list-maker by nature and while it can feel good to check that stuff off when completed, sometimes it's also good medicine to throw the list out the window and just follow your intuition to what brings comfort right now. There's no right or wrong. And most importantly, reminding yourself periodically that this is temporary. It will not last forever. We can all get through this together, even if we are physically separated while we do so (for now). Love to you all ❤️
Here are just a few of the scenes from our first few weeks of quarantine/social distancing...
Jumping back to the rest of the month before our sense of normalcy imploded on itself, we did have a TON of super good stuff to share as well. Want to hear it? Yeah, me too. It's definitely good medicine to remind ourselves of all the happiness and good in the world as well. Here we go...!
First, let's begin with your play. What?! Yes...you were the sole sound technician for an entire production of a play! Music Man Jr ~ where to begin? So much blood, sweat and tears...and I am forever grateful that the implosion of our sense of normalcy waited until just after the show's opening weekend to cave in and lock down.
Before I get too far ahead of myself with gushing about your play...I do want to rehash a conversation that I was so fortunate to have with you one day after you and I had eaten breakfast together and I drove you to one of your lengthier theater practices on a Saturday just before opening weekend. We were in the car and singing to Pink and you turned to me out of the blue and said, "How you have raised me so far...I want to do that for my kids, Mom."
Babe, you have no idea how much that small comment meant to me in that moment. I about burst into tears. And so did you. 😠Thank you, sweetie. I know I'm not perfect, but I hope that you walk away from your childhood with more good memories than bad. And especially walk away knowing that I love you more than life itself.
Now...*sniff...wipes nose...brushes away residual tears*...where was I?
Oh yeah...the play!
Man. I had no idea how amazing this entire production would be and all of us were blown away by the set, costumes, and performances of your cast and crew. You did an incredible job as the sound technician and Daddy and I couldn't be more proud of how seriously you took your job and how well you knocked it out of the park!
Look at you in the sound booth!
I think my favorite part though was watching you embracing and being embraced by all of the wonderful kids that were the giant family of cast and crew for this play. I mean...I always think about and hope that you will find your tribe, or continue to find your tribe, as you march through this thing called life, but when I actually witness this miracle occurring in real time, well...it's breathtaking. Opening night knocked our socks off, but that next night (on Saturday?)...it was truly magical.
This is Kiki (below). More about her later, but I just want to point out how sweet she is with you ...the hands get me every time ❤️
A total love fest after the play that night with so many smiles, laughter, hugging, jumping up and down, and general merriment everywhere we turned as eager families mingled with their special cast and crew members in the Westerville South commons. We got to meet Kierstyn/Kiki who is an 8th grader that swept you up in her arms on Saturday night, tears and all, holding your hand and mothering you so tenderly, truly took you under her wing and who you now call your second mom (aww, I love this)! Then there were even some older high school kids who tracked us down to personally tell us how much they enjoyed working with and being around you; what an amazing human being you are and how much they adored you. How cool is that?! It's overwhelming to watch the kids interact with you and truly see, appreciate and love all the same things that we do, too. Incredibly touching. Beyond words. Heart-warming.
I know, I know...I just said this experience was beyond words...but here are a few I shared on social media that very weekend. A meager attempt at conveying the vastness of the experience and the magnitude of my gratitude.
"3 solid days revolving around the theatre this weekend. Whew! To be honest, it's been a loooong haul. We weren't expecting the intensity of all the drama club practices and rehearsals for the last several weeks. Such high demand on such young middle schoolers threw us for a loop, stressed us to the max, and had us all butting heads like billy goats, especially in the home stretch. BUT... seeing the finished production this weekend and watching Mali be surrounded by genuinely good kids full of joy, kindness, creativity, vulnerability, courage, and support for one another... seeing them take my own kiddo under their wing and treat them as their own...well, I see how much it truly was all worth it. It was overwhelming at times and there were several of those moments where I realized 1) my kiddo may have found their tribe and 2) their tribe is pretty damn spectacular. Like a bunch of fun, unpredictable, bright, shiny, sparkly unicorns ~ theatre kids are pure awesomesauce. While this experience had it's fair share of hurdles for sure, I'm so glad we made it through to the other side. I'm so proud of all the kids. And I'm forever grateful for and proud of Mali and the life they are making for themselves. I can't wait to see what's next."
I was never a theater kid in school so I had no idea how close you all become and how much positive peer support you all give and receive through your time together. I didn't know what to expect and yes, at times I wondered if all of this effort was worth it, but in the end...I am so glad that it all came together and we were able to witness this production in its finished state and most importantly, to witness the miracle that it showed us in that for as challenging as this process was for all of us, especially you kids and wonderful teachers...it was absolutely worth every second and you would likely do it a million times over again. In fact, you've already said you are excited about next year's play and I couldn't be happier. Part of your tribe turns out to be filled with theater kids...who knew? I'm so, so, immensely, incredibly, heart bubbling and bursting out of my chest grateful. *sigh*
The other *giant* thing that happened, coinciding on the same day as opening night of your play, was...*drum roll*...your 12th birthday! Yep! Opening night, March 6th, was also your birthday! It was kind of weird because usually your birthday is the biggest event for all of March but this year, it was definitely overshadowed in many ways by the play. However, I kept the tradition that we always do of your birthday breakfast surprise (one of my absolute favorite traditions of the year)!
Here are some of the pictures from the night of prepping on your birthday eve and then your birthday morning.
Finally, one more thing before "shit went sideways" (one of my favorite expressions, btw) is that you and Daddy had begun to use a joint gym membership. I love that you are spending this time together getting fit and staying healthy. You took the picture below during one of your sessions and I had to laugh at what you said when you saw it..."I look like a twig stick!" Haha. You're so silly. And for the record...I love "twig sticks".
Love you, Monkey Fish!
Mama
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