A Roller Coaster Of A Week

Maliana ~

Monday was your first full day at your new school and it went great! You are fitting in very well and even slept at naptime without any issues. So nice to hear. We did talk about how you miss your friends from your old school on the way home, but in time it will get easier. Hopefully we can contact them and have a play date in the future. You mentioned wanting to have a 'girl party' with a pinata and balloons, among other things. Big plans you have...we'll see.

Daddy called us before we got home to check on you and also to see if we could swing by his work. He surprised us with meeting Memaw and Papaw there with your cousins so you all could take a tour of the planes together. The girls loved it and you had fun showing everyone around.

Tuesday was just one of those days where every single thing I started was interrupted one way or another, which was incredibly aggravating. I felt like I was about to scream by the time I got home from work and began trying to tend to the cat, do the dishes, and pack your lunch for the next day. Just about when I was ready to POP from frustration, you interrupted me once again. This time however, was different. You asked me to stop and sit with you. You wanted to listen to your cherished songs, "Never Grow Up" (Taylor Swift) and "Lullaby" (Dixie Chicks). You wanted to crawl in my lap and snuggle into me as you softly sang. You wanted to have some quiet time, just for us. And it was just what I needed. Your little action forced me to pause. It helped me to stop doing and start being. It helped me to just be present in the moment. Something that doesn't come naturally to me at all. In all of your five years, you had the wisdom to help me realize exactly what I had been needing all day long. What is it they say? Out of the mouths of babes. Yes, if I wasn't convinced of it before, I am convinced of it now. We all could learn a lot from our children.

That very same night as I was tucking you into bed, you looked deep in thought. I asked what you were thinking about and out of the blue you said, "Ggma". We talked about how much you and I both missed her. Then you said that maybe she came back as a baby (this theory is from one of your books I got shortly after she died, "Goodbye Grandpa Elephant") and then you said that maybe she is an angel. You took it further to say that maybe God needed her help. We talked about all of this for a bit. It was really fascinating to me to watch you process such a huge life event. I'm so glad you feel comfortable and are able to articulate it all to me. It's so helpful to talk the 'big stuff' through in your life. I hope you never stop.

Thursday I took some time off work and we attended a First Time Riders "Meet the Bus" event through our local school system. It was a spectacular event to help you learn about buses and bus safety. We even got to take a ride to another elementary school and back to test it out and I ended up learning a thing or two. I left feeling pretty impressed by our school transportation department. You had a ball and later that afternoon I got a call at work saying that you had won a backpack full of school supplies from their raffle. Lucky duck!

I love this picture...
(I kept having to fight back tears all morning)

backpack as big as you!

Dinner was spent at Buca di Beppo's and dessert at DQ with Daddy and the Snow family. You and Jack were in rare form. Dinner with kids is much different than dinner without kids. But we all survived, in one piece, and had a lot of laughs. As usual.

you and Jack outside Buca's

That night, you attempted to learn to read with Daddy. He helped you sound out each of the words on the first few pages of your book and as I watched (and cheered for) you, I have to ask...is it normal that I squeal so loud when you nail a word that it scares all of us?? Ha.

Pipsqueak is definitely getting more comfortable with all of us...sleeping on the bed with us on Thursday night and then doing the following on Friday morning...

And while the beginning of the week went well...the end of the week unfortunately brought unbearable sadness and shock to all of us. I still don't even know how to say this, in spite of my having told the news to several people already. Our beautiful and beloved Aunt Lori, after being diagnosed just under 3 months ago, lost her battle with cancer on Friday. Daddy and I were in the hospital room as she took her last breaths. It was a first for both of us and unbearably heart-wrenching. I don't even really have the words to describe the experience to you and my heart is absolutely broken for her entire family and the multitudes of friends that she is leaving behind. She was only 49. Far too young to struggle with and lose this battle. It seems so unfair. Memaw and Papaw had gone to pick you up from school so Daddy and I could stay at the hospital a little longer, and when I got home you ran outside to us with a huge smile on your face and big hugs, completely unaware of what Daddy and I had just experienced. You immediately knew something was up, and not wanting to be the kind of mom who is dishonest when you clearly know that something is wrong, I told you that Aunt Lori had just died and went to Heaven. You took in such adult news pretty well, right there on our front sidewalk, with the scent of our gigantic and overgrown tomato plants in the air, asking a few questions for clarification and trying to absorb it all into your mind. We talked a little bit more about it and while bedtime was a little rocky that night, it went ok. You understand about as much as any 5 year old can absorb without getting too freaked out. You were ever so empathetic with me, stroking my arm and saying, "I love you Mommy" throughout the evening, whenever you would see me tear up. It all seemed surreal. It still does.

silly girls

toasting with the special crystal glass
that she would always let you use
at her house

Saturday was tough. Aunt Tina was the first person to call in the morning and offered to take you to Yellow Springs and Young's Dairy Farm with her and Erin. I thought it would probably be so much more fun for you and when I asked if you'd be interested you leaped at the chance to hang with two of your favorite people for the day. Daddy and I stayed home, enjoyed the peace and quiet, and tried to absorb the shock of our loss. Before you experience the death of someone close, it's hard to truly understand what someone else is going through after such a heartbreak. By losing Ggma and Aunt Lori in such a close period of time, I understand so much more clearly now. I told Daddy that if there is a silver lining to it all, it's that my empathy and ability to "get it" in such circumstances has just grown ten-fold. It also must be one of the reasons why Aunt Tina knew how to reach out and make the perfect suggestion for our family that day as well. She already had an enormous heart before, but after losing both of her parents over the last couple years, it's only multiplied her ability to understand and love. I feel so blessed to have her as a part of our little village. Having a little time and space and peace that day is exactly what I needed to begin to sort through the grief, without dragging you to all of those dark places with me. A big thank you to Aunt "Tuna" (and Erin)...you have no idea how much you mean to us.

By Saturday evening, the peace and quiet all day allowed Lao Lao and I to work on the DVD for Aunt Lori's memorial service enough to take a trial version of it over to Allie and Marky's house where we showed it to Allie, Blake, Uncle Mark, and Aunt Cindy. While it was so painful to watch since we miss her so much already, it was nice to see all of these pictures of our beloved Lori, together. Sunday we decided to all gather for a cookout at our house and just enjoy each other. I think your uncle Mark said it best in his post on Facebook:

Hi All. I'm not really sure which friends of mine out there knew my sister Lori Sherman, either through me or other channels in their own lives. She touched so many, more than I ever knew until recently. The stories keep coming in about her kindness, whether it's a simple photo of her dancing with a disabled person in a wheelchair or an email about how Lori made sure that the kids at her school never went hungry and how she knew all their names so that they would feel important. 

Many probably didn't know she was fighting cancer since she didn't want people to know, she didn't want anyone worrying about her and in her words,"it's my job to worry about you, not the other way around". She fought hard for the last 3 months and never gave up, even down to the last minute. I believe she was more afraid of leaving her two children and husband behind than she was of dying, she loved them dearly. My heart goes out to them, my brother, and all her best friends, and especially to my mother.

Love your loved ones! It's what makes the world go around.

Wise words from our uncle Mark.

capturing a moment with us all together

now capturing a sillier moment...this one would
have made Aunt Lori laugh

Love,
Mama