The Bite

I am taking a break from writing this blog in the form of letters to Mali this week, in order to talk about my own feelings about something that happened on Monday morning. So, evidently, what happened was that a little girl actually BIT Mali on her upper arm, out of the blue, completely unprovoked, and pretty much as soon as poor Mali had arrived at school! What a way to start the week, right?


I didn’t hear about the incident until after I had already picked her up, and we were just wrapping up going out for ice cream. I got a call from her teachers, telling me about what had happened and that they had forgot to mention it when I picked her up, and to have me sign the incident report. Of course they wouldn’t give me any real information, especially not about WHO the little culprit was (a girl named Taylor in Mali’s class), but thankfully Mali was more than willing to rat her out and talk about it. I felt so awful for Mali, and extremely pissed at this other little kid. Now I do realize this little girl is just a child and still only learning about appropriate behavior, yada, yada, yada. However, when it is your kid that gets hurt at the hands of another, all bets are off at “feeling” politically correct. When I got off the phone, I empathized with Mali, inspected her wound (which was a pretty good replication of all of this nasty little child’s teeth, as shown in a blood bruise on Mali’s arm), and tried to convey to her that unfortunately sometimes people do mean things and many times, we’re not even sure why. I also tried to convey that in no way did it reflect on her (of course, trying to convey this to a two year old is a bit tough, I have no idea how much she grasped), telling her that her teachers said she (Mali) didn’t do anything wrong and that Taylor should never bite anyone ever, and then I shared with her a story about how when I was just a little bit older than Mali is now, I was also bit by a kid in my class at school. At this point Mali looked at me, eyes wide, incredulously and sincerely asking, “Taylor?!?” I had to chuckle a bit, reassuring her that no, Taylor didn’t bite me too, it was actually another kid a long time ago. Then we talked about how it made us feel, to be hurt by someone who was supposed to be our friend, and discussed feeling hurt, angry, sad, etc. She seemed to feel better, especially after we cleaned her arm again, put some Neosporin on it, and then a huge band-aid.

The next morning at school, she was fine. I had been worried that she’d have some reservations about returning to school the next day, but she did ok. I, however, have remained a little ticked, and unnerved, about the whole thing. I know this kind of thing is inevitable for kids to go through, and that these kinds of events, while difficult, can prove valuable lessons for us all. However, I just felt so horrible that I couldn’t protect her, and that this is just the beginning of my not being able to protect her from hurts in life, both physical and emotional.

Additionally, this week after school has been a challenge with Mali as well. She has been cranky, demanding, and assertive in all sorts of new and persistent ways. I wonder if it is just her age and normal childhood development, or if it is related, somehow to the unfortunate event that started her week. I suspect she isn’t sleeping well at school right now, and once again, I wonder if she doesn’t quite feel safe there after what happened. I wish I knew what to do to make this all better. I wish I could rewind time. I wish that Taylor were never in her class. I wish that I could be there to protect Mali at all times. I wish, I wish, I wish… It feels awful to not have many answers and to just have to try to muddle through, and know that there are some things in life that I just have to let happen and hope for the best. School has been wonderful for Mali in countless other ways, but every good thing has a down side too. Such is life.

Mali’s teachers have not mentioned any other incidents, and Mali appears to be doing fine at each morning drop off, no clinging, crying, etc. I don’t know if I am making a bigger deal about this than it really is, but I know that for myself there is a lot wrapped up into this little event that I can process, learn, and take to heart. I know that there are much, much worse things that happen to children every single day (I shudder to even write that), and I have regular pangs of anxiety and fear just conjuring up all of the what-if’s in my mind. Thankfully, there is the wonderful tool of blogging to help take the edge off my neuroses so as not to fully inflict them on Mali. So, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better already. Each day is a new day, and hopefully I can teach Mali that each day holds the potential to be wonderful, regardless of what happened to us the day before. We just have to remain open to it. However, in comparing Mali's reaction to mine this week, I suspect she already knows this even better than I do.