Mama's Memories for M: So Much Maturing in Three Short Months

The older you get, the more these blog posts feel like just bullet-points of our lives over a chunk of time. I don't seem to go into nearly as much reflection or detail as I used to. Or perhaps it just seems that way. I'm not sure. I hope they're still as useful to you someday, as you look back on these memories from a much older vantage point. Regardless of how it all comes out, this blog is definitely a labor of love for you, kiddo.

This first month, July, the month of your Family Day, we had a bit of a difficult but oh so meaningful conversation. On the way to meet up with Mere's family for 4th of July fireworks, you asked if you could be honest with me. Then shared about how you are a little uncomfortable about me meeting Mere's dad and how you're feeling self-consciousness about our inter-racial situation, having been adopted into a white family and your noticing how it draws much more attention than when you're just out on your own with Mere's family. I am so glad you shared this experience of yours with me. I told you as much. You told me, "I don't want you to fix it, I'm just telling you how I feel". And I'm so grateful you could and actually did. This aspect of our family is more complicated and difficult, especially now in the teen years as you become more self-conscious of yourself and the world around you as you discover an identity all your own. You even acknowledged as much, all on your own. I hope we always continue to talk and share and work through all of this together. And I also think that this Adopteen camp in the next week (we'll get to that later) came at the perfect time as you process all of these big thoughts and emotions.

On a lighter note, as you all watched the fireworks, I overheard you telling Mere how the fireworks that stream outward make you dizzy as they remind you of hyper-speed in Star Wars. Lol. I can see that, too!

A couple days later was our Family Day, which was a bit different than other years as you had a haircut appointment that day along with also getting ready to leave for Denver / Adopteen Camp that weekend. I think we all felt overwhelmed as we got everything all squared away for Adopteen. We enjoyed just a small dinner of take out from Helen's with you, me, Dad, and Lao Lao. A more intimate gathering as we readied to embark on your first camp away from home! It's ok that each year evolves and changes with our family's needs and schedules. Nothing can ever change how grateful we are for you and your birth family.

Now, about Adopteen Camp - OMG! The best. I was so nervous to leave you at camp, overnight for an entire week on the campus of University of Denver in the dorms with about 75 other Asian adoptees from ages 13 through 21(ish). In spite of roommate drama (you shared a room with KK and 3 other kids), you had an incredibly life-altering time. In spite of my nerves, I held off calling to check in and just let you experience it on your own. I was so relieved when I heard from you late on that first night as you attended a silent disco and drank mocktails with the other campers. I was so happy and excited for you and this new experience...it's hard to explain. When I picked you up, you seemed to exude a new level of confidence and maturity, as well as more of a receptiveness and openness that I haven't seen in quite a while. It was incredible to see this wonderful shedding of your shell and more of the true you come into being. I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to try this camp experience and be open enough to enjoy it. So, so lovely.

some ramen the night before camp

breakfast with some very brave squirrels on the morning we dropped you off for camp

the staff member who helped us check in

your group

the camp counselors

While you had a blast at camp, Lao Lao and I went site-seeing around the greater Denver area.

Lao Lao's first trip to a dispensary

prairie dogs were everywhere

we then rode a cogwheel railway up to
Pikes Peak

and hit the Garden of the Gods

finishing up that day with lunch at a restaurant
that only serves potpies

the famous Stanley Hotel

REDRUM drinks at The Shining bar

Red Rocks ampitheater

Upon pick up after camp, you were so tired. Because of the afore-mentioned roommate drama (and also that's just what campers tend to do on their last night), you had pulled an all-nighter with some of the other campers. I'm so glad you chose this camp to spread your wings and experience a new kind of freedom away from home. The staff was incredibly supportive and inclusive and had thought of the needs of all campers, especially with handling what can be such a delicate and complex subject as your adoption. So helpful that they all have this shared life experience with you. While you've been mum about much of what you all talked about, replying with "what happens at camp, stays at camp" to some of my questions. I love that. So important to have privacy, trust and confidentiality when our truths are shared with others. While many details of camp are yours and yours alone, I can only assume that being there in that shared experience cracked something open inside you and I'm forever grateful. .

letting you drive through the wildlife preserve
where bison roam around free

Finally, I'll leave two silly quotes/anecdotes below from the end of our trip.

"Why does our plane smell like beef stew?" LOL

"We're on an incline! The suitcases!" Our eyes got big and then *thunk clunk clunk* "Oh my!" from the trunk of the car as we burst into laughter and raced to rescue Lao Lao. Hahaha

You may or may not understand these references as you read this years later, and that's ok. Trust me, they were hilarious in the moment and for weeks (or more) later.

On the day after we arrived home from Denver, you and I took a bike ride to Easton to buy some candy. Since camp, you've been so much more receptive to Dad and me, more engaged and open about your life. willing to talk or spend time together in ways you may have passed on just 6 months ago. It's like the you deep inside was renewed and buoyed somehow by your camp experience. I'm treasuring every second of it. I have such gratitude for the moments we spend together, especially in this season of pulling away as a teen so that you can become your own kind of adult.

In life, the sweet always comes with a little bitter, and vice versa. Unfortunately, heartbreak hit. The parting of romantic ways from Mere. Many tears were shed. On one particular night, I was going to take one of my usual solo walks but knew better and so a joint trip with you to the gym and retail therapy at Old Navy, instead, helped. We did lots of talking, and I tried to provide as much listening, releasing of tears and tension, reassurance that (while this feels awful) it is also normal, and support, support, support. Always. In a weird way, I felt thankful for the emotion and tears that you shared as it allowed me a foot in the door to provide a more soothing style of parenting (hugs and physical comfort), which feels so much fewer and farther between in these years of teen individuation. It's hard, but I'm here for it.

While we went all the way to Denver for your camp, Kelly and I took a road trip to upstate New York for a Jen Pastiloff retreat later in July. My advice? No matter whether you someday have kids and a family at home or not, always make time for adventures with friends. It's worth it to build those memories with others.

While heartbreak is one of those inevitably painful experiences as you become an adult, a more fun one is your first job. Which happened recently, too! I watched you march into a local burrito joint with such confidence...being communicative, friendly, smooth, funny, and sweet. You were persistent and hopeful for your first job, and you got it!

Watching you take on this new responsibility has taken your maturity to a whole new level, bringing out a surprisingly wiser side of you, already concerned about budgeting and even offering to pay for things once you got your first check. So impressive.

depositing that first paycheck

Early August, we took your friends with us to do some of our back to school shopping. It's turned into a tradition now for a couple years running. You seemed to have fun and I'm always so touched when you want to do things like put together medic packs to keep in your bag for your friends at school. Maxi-pads, band-aids, ibuprofen, etc. You are always, quietly, thinking of ways to take care of your friends.

Speaking of taking care of friends, you and Mere planned a special picnic lunch birthday gift for your friends, Jeffrey and Jelysa. You and Mere planned the menu and made everything. All I had to do was make a late night grocery run with you (and help make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Jelysa in the shape of dinosaurs, ha). You joked saying that all you want from J&J is to say "I love you" (as a thank you for the picnic). So sweet! Ok, I guess I did do a bit more by staying up late with you to put together what sandwiches we could (with Mere on FaceTime while we did it). It turned out to be a fun little ordinary (extraordinary) night.

We randomly had a visit from one of Daddy's cousins in Chicago this summer, too. It was a great excuse to get many of the Wilkinsons together.

Unfortunately, we did have an incredibly devastating event happen in our extended f-R-amily. Papa Joe passed away, in early August. He was such a larger than life, joyful presence on this Earth. He will be so greatly missed. Going to the beach, seeing a peace sign or tie-dye, and wearing a Santa hat won't feel the same without him.

In light of his passing, I went to Virginia to spend a week with Stacy and her family, surrounding his celebration of life. It was a hard week, but with many bright spots, too. I was just so grateful to finally be able to get down there, nearly a month after his passing, to hug both Stacy and Mama Patty. When life hands us serious blows, it makes it so much harder when we can't immediately get to our loved ones and put our arms around them.

Beckley WV truck stop...this statue I'm calling
"do my pits stink?"

one night of self reflection for me in
a tiny cabin on a hillside

once down there, I got to help Stacy
do chores at a horse rescue/sanctuary

and attend a Costco themed birthday
party for a friend of Stacy's

I didn't get too many other pictures from the week. It just didn't feel right given the solemn circumstances. But, needless to say...Papa Joe will be missed immensely. He certainly left a beautiful, powerful, and joyful mark on this world.

To lighten the mood, later in September I went out with some friends from work. It was a raucous, silly night where the idea for a Mrs Roper Bar Crawl was born. See below.

And continuing the celebration, my birthday, #48, was also at the end of September. As usual, I got my beloved birthday bouquet of flowers from my mom, with one gorgeous rose in the middle.

I had a hard time with my birthday this year, so it was a very low-key and quiet celebration. The older I get, the more I would rather dive deep inside myself and use my birthday as a reflective time. Not a giant, attention-seeking party. It's a strange new development in these recent years. Interesting to me.

I ended up just having a quiet movie
night outside with Kelly & Marisha

And not to be overlooked, happy Mid-Autumn Festival, as well! We celebrated with some custard lava-filled moon cakes. You weren't a fan of the texture of them but I thought, yum!

Along with my birthday and Mid-Autumn Festival this fall, you also had your high school homecoming on my birthday. You had so much fun. Dancing, singing, screaming, and even went to Graeter's afterwards with friends. I'm so glad you're having these traditional teen experiences, as well as fearlessly marching to the beat of your own drum.

you said you looked like a drunk uncle here

Our friend Savannah (Tom Turcich's pup) released her first in a series of books recently, too! It was so exciting to receive our copy, read it, and look over the beautiful illustrations. A joint project between Tom (world walker, photographer and writer) and his mom, Catherine (illustrator and all-around wonderful human).