Mama's Memories for M: I See the Moon and the Moon Sees Me

Maliana ~

So, I will start off by saying that my blogging has gotten quite lackadaisical recently. As I have briefly mentioned before, I have been struggling with some depression lately and as I've explained to you (so as to hopefully alleviate any concerns you might have); "I'm just having a hard time with a bunch of "grown up worries" and it has nothing to do with you." That being said...I will apologize about not being as religious about my letters here to you. I promise, it doesn't mean we're having any less fun. It's just that I haven't had quite the energy or discipline to write every week like I had been. I've had to use my time and energy to focus on getting myself feeling better first. Hopefully I'll be getting back to normal soon. Or maybe even come up with a new normal for myself and our family. Who knows? But for now, I am hopeful and feel like I am finally coming out on the other side of whatever it is I am going through. Thank God for therapy...definitely nothing to be afraid or ashamed of...I am so grateful for it. Please remember that in your life. If you need help, seek it out! It is there. I promise you.

Whew. Ok.

Now after explaining all of that and realizing that a few weeks have gone by since my last post, the following entry will be a bit of a hodgepodge of the previous weeks; some of the moments in our lives that made me smile, pause, laugh, think, feel, and so much more.

And here we go...

One of the bigger pieces of excitement over the last few weeks was when we greeted the Doelling family at the airport when they brought their newest family member, Cameron, home from China. It was very exciting and always so incredibly nostalgic and heartwarming to watch a homecoming such as this.

Welcome home, Doellings!

Perhaps it's your age, or perhaps it's seeing another family bringing their child home from China, but lately you have been asking a lot of questions about your own (very first) Family Day and even asking to watch our videos from China. We ended up sitting down and watching the videos from our first days together as a family in China and it was really amazing to go back in time like that. We have all changed so much. For example, you made the comment about how you don't like dresses after seeing yourself in the videos wearing dresses. I apologized to you and said, "I'm sorry. We didn't know you didn't like them back then." You were so teeny tiny and had all the mannerisms of an infant in those first few days. You have grown by leaps and bounds since then, both physically, intellectually and emotionally. It is phenomenal, sweet and bittersweet all at once.

And if we have all changed a lot over the last 6 years, there is one thing that has been a constant ~ how much fun you have with your cousins. Over the last few weeks, you got to spend the night at Memaw and Papaws' with Joey, Alex and Sammy and it was lots of fun and a little bit of mayhem (per usual). I wasn't there so I didn't get any pictures, but from the updates from Memaw and Papaw the next morning, I can imagine how silly it all was.

You did throw me a curve with your requests for pedicures lately. Honestly, I was more than a little surprised since it seems so out of character for what you typically like. You even gave yourself one in the tub one night and here was the finished product...

Umm, yeah. I won't even show you the picture of the bathtub. Yikes!

Even after that fabulous job you did on your own toes, you still were requesting to go and get pedicures with me. Of course, I jumped at the chance to spend some time together. Sooo...after school one evening we headed to Polaris to get our tootsies pampered. We both were a little ticklish with the massages and exfoliation, squirming and giggling the entire time. It was hilarious. I was so afraid I was going to kick my pedicurist right in the head! We had dinner and did a little shopping before heading home and it was really nice to have some relaxed and carefree time with you. I miss that when our lives feel so hectic.

I wonder if you'll ever be tall enough for your feet to reach the tub...

you were squirming and giggling so much!

And speaking of carefree time, there were lots of opportunities to play in the snow that's kept falling over the last few weeks. Of course, each time we would get you all bundled up, the first thing out of your mouth was..."Mom, I gotta pee!" #MurphysLaw

you love the snow, even in the dark...you just
put your little headlamp on and you're good to go!

a little sledding

twinning is winning!

You've spent some time on the elliptical too. In spite of all the snow on the ground, I guess it's never too early to get in shape for summer!

24 minutes! a new personal record for you!

Speaking of getting in shape and since we are in Ohio with all of its crazy weather fluctuations, the weather warmed up just enough for us to bust out your bike and go for the first bike ride/run with Mommy of 2015. I was so happy to have at least one day that felt like spring was coming and I'm so glad to have a "running buddy" again!

a little lingering slush and snow wasn't going to stop us!

You've also been a great little "buddy" for Daddy as well. In helping him put his medicine in his pill-box for the week, you noticed that his days of the week had rubbed off. You took it upon yourself to re-write them on the box for him. So thoughtful.

The Sound of Music has found its way into your repertoire (thanks to your music teacher) and you have fallen in love with the "My Favorite Things" song. It actually reminded me of my own childhood and watching that movie while singing along. You even requested a book of the song that your teacher read to you and it's been so sweet to hear you singing from the backseat...

And as endearing as that little backseat moment was, it wouldn't be as well-balanced in our family without a moment like this...

oh, you know...just a normal Saturday morning
tweezing Mommy's "beard"

And more of your quirks continued on another particular evening as we discussed some kind of social issue at school when you told me this..."It's complicated. You'll understand when you're in first grade." Ha. Oh really?

You also sung your first solo in your music class at school. Seriously kid, you have more guts than I ever did in first grade!

We got to see Uncle Blaize the other evening for dinner as well. You refused to get in our group selfie, typical of your aversion to pictures lately, but that's ok. It was so nice to spend time with him again.

One evening as we drove to hip hop, you watched the full moon outside your window and asked if it was following us. I explained that it was not and it was more like an optical illusion, however it led to a conversation about the moon and how your China parents look up at the same moon as you every night. Just like the questions you've been asking lately, I could tell your wheels were spinning as you thought about this. It reminded me of a rhyme that I recently learned and so a couple of nights later, I shared it with you. I know that there is not a lot that I can say to resolve the questions and ease the journey that lies ahead for you in finding your own identity and connecting your past, present and future; but I hope you know that I will always be here to listen and support you through it all. That you can count on. Forever and always.

I see the moon and the moon sees me and the moon
sees that someone that I long to see...
So God bless the moon and God bless me and God Bless
that someone that I long to see.

And finally, we wrapped up the most recent weekend with an early Chinese New Year celebration through our local COFCC. It was so nice to see so many of our friends again. Daddy is on the board now and played a huge role in planning, organizing, and helping throughout the whole thing. When we got home, he was pooped from all of that work. It went off without a hitch, everyone seemed to have a great time, the performances were fantastic, and you even got to help Daddy entertain the tables with his magic marble trick while they waited for their dinner. You loved it. That magic marble. Daddy takes it everywhere. Always a crowd favorite. Ha.