5 years ago today...

You gave birth to a tiny little girl in southern China. Was it day or night? I can only imagine what her squished little face must have looked like as she arrived into this world, gasping and then shrieking for the first times outside of your body. The same body that you selflessly used to keep her safe and warm all of those months until she was ready to make her appearance. What did you think as you looked at her? Her deep brown almond shaped eyes and jet black hair, tiny fingers and toes, gaping smile...did you see yourself in her features? What was the first thing you said to her? Did you give her a name of your own, softly whispered into her ear and one that is perhaps still recognized somewhere deep in her psyche? Did you have hopes and dreams for her life? Perhaps they were hopes and dreams that you feared you could not provide for her on your own? Did you wonder what she would become one day? Do you still wonder?

Ahh, I have so, so many questions.

I'm not quite sure where you are now in this great big world, five long years after giving birth to this precious pearl of a baby girl who has turned into one of the most amazing children I know. I do want to acknowledge you, her first mother, and the ultimate sacrifices made for your beloved daughter all that time ago. I can't begin to understand the thoughts or emotions that likely went into your decision, but I am forever grateful to you for all that you (unknowingly) have given our family. Maliana is the biggest blessing I've ever known in my life, and I suspect the biggest blessing I will ever know. She is a smart, sensitive, funny, courageous, (at times) cautious, quirky, silly, independent, expressive, inquisitive, strong-willed, creative, talented, beautiful, surprising, tender, and loving child who continues to "shock and awe" me every day. Just thinking about all of the things that make up who Mali is, who she is becoming, makes me wish I could share it all with you. But, I know I can't. At least not now...but maybe someday. Who knows?

So here I am today. It's just after midnight our time and I'm assuming it's a little after noon wherever you might be. Before I slip off to bed tonight, in the wee hours of our daughter's 5th birthday...I just wanted to say thank you. I am forever in your debt. And while I may not be able to fulfill all of the hopes and dreams that you may have had for Maliana...I can promise you this...I will do everything in my power, with all of my heart and soul, to surround Mali with the truest and most unconditional love you could ever imagine. That is one thing you can count on. I may not be able to do everything perfectly, but the one thing I can do is love...and with love...all things are possible.

Love,
Theresa