Growing, Learning, Changing

Maliana ~

Compared to the last few weeks, this weekend felt gloriously uneventful. We only had one big commitment on Saturday morning and you have no idea how content I was to just stay home and spend time in our jammies the rest of the weekend. When you don’t get to do it that often, it feels like such a treat.

As for our one big commitment, it was an event for the Cleft Lip and Palate Support Group at Children’s Hospital on Saturday morning. It was a wonderful turnout with so many families attending. The staff at Children’s did a great job of planning and hosting the entire affair. We were fortunate enough that two of the leading doctors for the craniofacial team agreed to come speak with all of us parents to help us learn more about exactly what they do when you kids come in for treatment(s). It was extremely eye opening and very touching. We are so lucky to have such an astounding facility so close to home, and even more fortunate to have a team of doctors, nurses, speech therapists, and many others who truly care about their patients. Both Dr. Pearson (your doctor) and Dr. Kirschner mentioned what a privilege and honor it is that they get to come to work each day and take care of our most prized possessions (you kids). It’s comforting to know that they are so close to home (when we need them) and that they care so deeply. And, you know me, as I was listening to them speak and looking at the various slides they brought in, I did what I do best, I cried. I thought no one saw, but then one of the other moms on our planning committee handed me a tissue. I was busted. Oh well.

in between Dr. Pearson and Daddy

One of the amazing things about the various events that we’ve attended since last September is at each one; we meet at least one (usually more) new family who has an equally amazing story. Take this event, we met Lakshmi and Mahesh, who were both born in India but live here now, and were at this event because one of their daughters was born with a cleft. As we spoke with them, it was evident that Lakshmi had had a cleft lip and palate as well. She had obviously had surgery but not nearly, the full rounds of surgery and therapies that you and the other children have had or will have. As she shared her story, we learned she was 40 years old and grew up in India, where the other children teased her because of her poor speech or the way she looked. Evidently, she must not have gotten any more surgeries other than her lip repair, (she appeared to not have any front teeth and her front lip was a bit sunken in with obvious scarring), and probably not had the opportunity for speech therapy. She said her family in India was very supportive and always told her how beautiful she was, so fortunately she was able to internalize those messages (rather than the ridiculously ignorant messages of those who would tease her) and thankfully grew up with a very strong sense of confidence in herself. Over the years, her speech did not improve much so she learned to compensate for her difficulties by using a pad of paper and pen so that she could write down what she was trying to say for others when her speech was not intelligible enough. A few months ago however, she was able to ditch her pen and paper due to a surgery, performed by Dr. Pearson (your doctor), for a particular procedure to help her speech production. She told us that during her daughter’s visits to the clinic, Dr. Pearson approached her and offered to do this procedure for her. She had always thought that she was too old (at 40) for any more treatments, and she had already learned to live with her mouth and speech the way it was. Dr. Pearson wanted to try to help her anyway. (Wow! As if we didn’t love Dr. Pearson enough as it is!) She was thrilled!

Mali, you should have seen the brightness in this woman’s eyes as she told us her story. The more we learned about her, the more beautiful she became. Her family clearly adored her, both she and her husband were such sweet and loving people, and her honesty and openness about her life was both refreshing and inspiring. Hearing her talk about how she overcame the brutality of others, that comes as an unfortunate part of growing up even when you don’t have to worry about the challenges that come with having had a cleft lip and palate, made me feel just a smidgen better about what you may face someday. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t worry about any heartache you might encounter as you grow into the remarkable woman you are already becoming. But there’s also not a day that goes by that I don’t tell you, over and over and over again, how much I love you and compliment you on any number of things that you say, do, or simply are that day. I know that my words alone won’t be enough to deflect all of the harm that can come from others. However, I am hoping that my words and the messages I try to send to you can be some of the building blocks you will use to build up your armor. The armor that will help protect you from the ignorance and pig-headedness of others so that you can have the time and space you need to realize your true potential for yourself, to embrace in your own heart who you are as a person and love yourself as much as Daddy and I love you, even more. Time will tell, but I do think you have a good start on this already, and just knowing there are people out there like Lakshmi make me feel even better about it.

So, the rest of the week you had two dates, one with Daddy and one with me. One rainy day after school you and I headed to the library, then to Panera, and then to Half Price Books. The fact that you insisted on wearing your jammies, slipper socks, and Crocs made it even cozier. Your style is definitely beyond compare. Your appreciation for things is also sweet, with you exclaiming “Thank you!” and throwing your arms around my neck when I found a secondhand copy of the movie Cars for you at the bookstore. Sunday night you requested a date with Daddy to Easton. He laughed at your antics of nothing in particular but just walking around as if you owned the place. He said that there was a military person there dressed in all their camo and looking quite tough while lost in his own thoughts, however when you strutted by he couldn’t help but smile. You have that effect on people and you don’t even know it.

Friday morning Lao Lao had some extra time and so she stopped by to get you ready and take you to school. I got a text from her later that morning that said you had eaten two yogurts for breakfast and were “Full of Awesome” when she dropped you off. Ha ha! What a great way to start the morning!

As I said before, the weekend was relaxing for us all. One morning Daddy cooked us all breakfast. There’s nothing like the smell of bacon in the morning! Then you and I sat and chatted while we painted together. You told me about your friends at school and one friend in particular, Kaitlyn, that you are quite fond of because “she is so silly” and has long hair. When I asked you about the long hair part and if you wanted long hair too, you told me, “No, because I need short hair to play with Daddy”. (Hmmm, okaayy). I love our conversations.

loving your watercolors

Then after cleaning up the playroom and your bedroom, we headed downstairs and built a house with your Tinker Toys. I love that you are so into building things now. It’s pretty cool. When we put the gates on the house, you said, “This is like Lao Lao’s house, for her car”…pretty good memory kiddo.

climbing through the front gates

On Saturday night, we all got a wild hair and decided to watch the video from the first day we met you in Guangzhou. Daddy and I wondered how you’d deal with it, whether you’d have a hard time seeing that day again. I am relieved to say that you did fine. Daddy and I had a hard time watching it this time. Knowing what we know with each passing year, it is hard to see such fear and sadness from you on that day, and relive all of our own emotions as well. The one saving grace is being able to look at you now and see a well-adjusted happy little girl. Actually, the funny part is that you wanted to try on the same outfit that you wore that day, so we pulled it out of the safe too, you put it on..., and the dang thing fits! I think your legs and arms are the only things that have done any major growing, but the rest of you is still so petite. 

July 6th, 2009

while the rest of you may not have grown much...
I can definitely see that your smile has!

You have been throwing “xie xie” around lately too. When I’ll hand you something or do anything else to help you, you’ll say a quick “xie xie” (Chinese for thank you). It’s so neat to see this spontaneous use of Chinese from you. We need to continue to reinforce it and encourage learning even more language. I can’t believe how quickly you can turn a corner in your stages of readiness for learning. Perhaps it’s time to think of Mandarin classes?

Finally, as for your willingness to say all kinds of other things, I’m stumped at your near aversion to say one thing in particular, “I love you”. Instead, you seem to be more comfortable saying “I miss you” and appear to substitute “I miss you” when “I love you” would seem more appropriate. It’s very interesting to me. It’s not like you haven’t heard “I love you”…this was actually your first phrase when you began talking. In fact, Daddy and I think that you may just hear “I love you” so much that you may think, “well, that’s overdone…I’ll just say ‘I miss you’ instead”. I’ve actually asked you why you don’t say “I love you” much…to which you don’t really reply or reply with a very silly and exaggerated “I loooove you” to me, obviously making light of it. You don’t seem to have any problems with physical affection and wanting to be close to us, there are no red flags as far as that goes. So as long as I’m still getting hugs and cuddles, I’m okay with it. I hope that one day you’ll give us clues as to why this is, but for now, I’m content to wonder. You fascinate me kiddo.

Love,
Mama