Visiting the Bend

Maliana ~

This past Monday you brought sunshine to the reception desk at your speech appointment. A different woman was checking people in and you stopped and asked “Where’s my other friend?” at which point the woman (Nancy) who normally sits there came over and said hi to you. She was so tickled that you wanted to know where she was. I’m telling you, you’re sunshine and you don’t even know it.

On Tuesday I took you voting with me and let you push some of the buttons. You enjoyed it but were a bit disturbed on the way out…frustrated by not being able to find the “boat”. Evidently, you thought we were going “Boating” and not “Voting”. The sticker you got for voting helped, but you would not drop the whole “boat thing” the entire way home!

Later that night you practiced tracing your name, and then Daddy and I’s names on paper. It’s so neat to see you advancing and learning.

We met Audrey for pizza on Wednesday night and on the way there, we started talking about college since Audrey was meeting us directly after one of her classes at OSU. You asked where your college was and I said that when you get older you’d get to pick that. Then I asked where you thought it would be and while you weren’t very concerned about where you went to college, you adamantly told me, “I’m going to play football in college.” (Awesome!)

And speaking of college…the very next day we headed up to South Bend to visit family and the Notre Dame campus. You were an amazing little traveler on the way up and the way back home…I mean, truly amazing! While we were at the Bend, we got to see Adam and Jacqueline and their beautiful new home they just moved into, as well as visited Tom and Kristi and their boys. We stayed with Ann and Bill each night and throughout the course of the weekend you got to play with many of your cousins. On Friday night, we had dinner at BW3’s. You sat at the kids’ end of the table and ate all on your own, (even ordering for yourself when the waitress got down there, ha!). After dinner we went to Tom and Kristi’s and you headed downstairs with all of the kids, playing together for the next few hours. You are getting so independent and I love the way you can just venture off with other kids, jumping right in and making yourself one of the gang. Your cousin Dawson was such a sweet and helpful little host, getting all of you drinks and snacks, then blankets for each of you when you watched a movie together. He was a good influence on you too since you came upstairs and desperately wanted to reciprocate by attempting to take more drinks back downstairs for everyone. You couldn’t carry them all down the stairs, so I helped you. But as soon as we were at the bottom, you grabbed all of the juice pouches in your hands and were so proud to hand them out to your friends. It’s wonderful when you see children being nice and helpful with one another, and even nicer when you see it rubbing off on your own kid. It’s all about learning by example.

at BW3's with the gang

You were Abby’s little shadow this weekend, and loved hanging out with Reilly too. A few different times you’d walk into a room and exclaim, “Hi!” or “Hi boys!” All of these kids are so great with you. Even when you are trailing them around mercilessly, they are so patient and sweet.

early birds (you and Reilly watching Disney at 7am)

I couldn’t get a ton of pictures of you this weekend with the other kids because as soon as I pulled out the camera, you would turn the other way or immediately stop what you were doing. (It’s killing this Mammarazzi!) But I’m sure this “anti-camera” phase will blow over eventually.

We took a trip to Notre Dame’s beautiful campus this weekend. It was the perfect fall day; crisp air with a slight chill, gorgeous autumn colors still clinging to many of the trees, and a peaceful and serene quality over the pristine grounds of what is usually a much more bustling campus (it was quieter this weekend due to it being an away football game). Thankfully, I was able to get some nice pictures while at ND.

cuddling with Kayle before we headed out to ND

a building at St Mary's

Notre Dame has a gorgeous campus

us with the golden dome!

Bailey came to meet us on campus (you love Bay!)

making friends at the bookstore
(you were chatting up this little lady all on your own when I came over)

showing a little consideration for others
(you insisted on waiting and holding the door open for this complete stranger)

lighting a candle for Lao Lao at ND's grotto

it was Veterans' Day so you lit a candle for all the brave soldiers' sacrifices 

"what ya prayin' for Daddy?"

Saturday before the game was televised, we all sat down and had a family dinner with much of the family that was still in town around the table, and even some more family that had come into town for the night (Mike and Estrella from Chicago). It’s always nice to have meals there because the conversation is always so lively. Inevitably they end up reminiscing, and even though I don’t have first-hand knowledge of many (if any) of the stories they are usually rehashing, I could still sit and listen to them for hours. Growing up in a family of 6 kids, there are bound to be many memories which make for very entertaining stories.

As for these stories, they are all part of that family’s history. A long history. Ann and Bill just celebrated 50 years of wedded bliss this August. Pretty amazing. For myself, coming from a family that has seen its share of divorce and all that goes with it, I am in awe of this devotion, stability, and unconditional love that is evident when you spend any time with the Sextons. To celebrate their 50th, the family put together a book about Ann and Bill’s story. It went back all the way to the beginning, including details from the first time they saw each other; first dates; early marriage and the beginning of the family; the growing up years with all of their family shaping moments; and all the way to the present, culminating in letters written from Ann and Bill to each of the kids and grandkids, and then back to Ann and Bill from each member of the family. To say this book is priceless is an understatement. Both Daddy and I cried when we had opportunities to read it throughout the weekend. It was so touching.

As I said before, I have seen my share of heartache when it comes to family strife. Initially, it made me sad to read this book from that standpoint. However, then I got to thinking about it and it dawned on me as I blew my hair dry one morning. All of a sudden, I had this overwhelming sense of gratitude. It started by my feeling grateful that I even know these people; that I can be around such unconditional warmth and love and to witness what a great example of kindness that Ann and Bill show to those around them, family or not. Then this feeling branched out even more to a sense of gratitude for my own family, imperfections and all. I started to count my blessings for what I grew up with and currently have in my life (I realized there are probably too many to even count), and for the lessons that my own family has taught me over the last 36 years. Sure, all of these lessons may not be storybook or fairy tale, but they are MY lessons. They are GOOD lessons. They have helped shape me into who I am today. If it took some tears along the way, so be it. I am proud of them.

But during all times of true reflection, one typically also concludes with a sense of resolve to do something a little bit differently from here on out, or at least to try. The two main things I took from this weekend and my own reflections, (that I want to pass along to you), are these:

1) Be a stronger force for good in the world. Nourish your relationships with others. Accept and embrace people for who they are and don’t miss a single opportunity to show kindness and hospitality to another. We’re only here for a short time, don’t waste a minute.

2) Embrace the hand you’ve been dealt. It may not be what you would have chosen, but it is yours. What you have within your power is to create your own “happily ever after”, starting here and now, regardless of where you began. It doesn’t mean that you erase or try to forget where you came from. But it does mean that you can choose your future and not let the past dictate it for you. Decide what kind of legacy you want to leave behind, and start living it. It’s up to you.

I know these things are easier said than done. And I know that I will likely fail repeatedly, possibly each day, in living up to these new mantras of mine. However, I am resolving to keep on trying. Daddy and I talked about this the whole way home. He and I both had the same feelings about this weekend, arriving at the same revelations separately, which surprised us to find out as we chatted for the 5 hours it took us to drive home. We both want to do better for ourselves, and in turn of course, for you.

Once home, you were so giddy. In spite of having a great time in the Bend, you were happy to be in familiar surroundings. You were following us around with your guitar and singing at the top of your lungs, pretending to be Spiderman and slinging us with your webs, and finally began running around naked before bath time exclaiming, “We’re gonna get NaKeD!!!!” Eventually you fell fast asleep, surely dreaming of all of the fun you had on our weekend away. What a weekend it was.

Love,
Mama