Valentine's at Children's...

Maliana ~ Right off the bat, let me just apologize if this message to you is a bit scattered...I'm still a bit rattled from the past week.

And, now let me just say...my poor baby...

waiting in the ER

Unfortunately this year, we had to for-go all of the continuing Chinese New Year parties and Valentine's celebrations. Instead, we "got to" spend Valentine's Day at Children's Hospital with you. Boy...what a whirlwind last few days. It all started on Thursday this past week when you came home from school and began to feel a little warm and act a bit lethargic. By Saturday morning, you'd been developing a fever that was bad enough for us to take you in to see your doctor, who said you had walking pneumonia, the flu, and a slight earache. By Sunday night, we found ourselves in Children's Hospital emergency room due to your having developed a nasty cough that thankfully tipped us off to your having full blown pneumonia which led to a hospital admission late Sunday night! To say we were stunned to find ourselves where we did is an understatement. We felt so awful for you, and couldn't believe it all had developed so rapidly. This has been some scary stuff kid. It's been quite traumatic for you, having to endure a chest x-ray, breathing treatment, being used as a pincushion with multiple attempts at starting your IV at 3am on Sunday night/Monday morning, and of course, the countless sleep interruptions to get your vitals while staying in the hospital. It has been a very trying time for us all, (mostly you), and we are glad to finally be home.

Of course, along with all of the trials of our hospital stay, there were positives as well. There were several visitors for you over the course of your stay, and the nurses that worked with you were very impressed with how tough and well-behaved you were, how cooperative you could be, and also one nurse in particular was dazzled with how you knew to cover your mouth when coughing without even being told. Many of the hospital staff, from the nurses to the gentleman from transport, all remarked on how sweet and adorable you were. Sick and all. So, regardless of how awful you felt, you still manage to have a positive impact on those around you. And let me just tell you too that you are much tougher than I would have been at your age, (even tougher than me at my current age now!) I still think you're tougher than I could ever be. In fact, while Daddy ran home to get some stuff for us on Monday, you and I sat and talked about your hospital stay, and you and I even looked at and talked about your IV and how it all worked. As tough as it's been, it was nice to spend this time with you. I was amazed at how matter-of-factly you could do certain very difficult things (like dealing with all of your IV tubes as you tried to navigate the hospital bed to find comfortable positions for two solid days), and also how quickly you could get accustomed to other quite significant annoyances (such as being aggravated and traumatized every few hours as you were awakened from a sound sleep to see a strange nurse standing over you and a blood pressure cuff squeezing the crap out of your leg).

Don't get me wrong, other things remained difficult though too. The breathing treatment in the ER was our first taste of how heartbreaking this stay was going to be as we had to hold a mask on your face while they misted oxygen in your nose for 5 minutes. Five minutes doesn't sound like much but becomes extremely long when your child is looking into your eyes and pleading with you, "Please Mommy! No hold me down Mommy!" It was gut-wrenching and I didn't know if I could make it through or not. We did..but it was tough. The next test was after admission and during the whole "starting your IV process" when they could not find your tiny veins. The first attempt you were on your own with the nurses, with us assuming it would be best if we waited outside the room for the procedure to be done. But when 15-20 minutes later and they still couldn't get it in, they brought you back out to us. Upon which time you tearfully wanted us to stay with you. So, while they attempted a 2nd time (unsuccessfully), all I could do was to be there by your tear-streaked face, look into your eyes, stroke and kiss your head, and tell you it would be ok and all be over soon, while you once again pleaded with me, "All done, go home, I'm scared Mommy!" I absolutely hated not being able to do any more to help you. Finally, after sleeping from 4am to about 8am, they brought you back down and the IV specialist team got your IV in. Arriving back in our room, you slept soundly on my chest, for a very long time for the rest of Monday morning, Valentine's Day. What a way to start the week, huh?

The rest of Monday was tough, with your fever spiking back up to nearly 104, causing us to stay another night. After a tough day, we all were a little stir crazy in the room by bed-time, so late at night after all the visitors had left, the three of us took a walk through the sleepy hospital. We piled you into your wagon, complete with blankets, pillows, IV pole and Disney face mask. It was nice to be out and looking at new scenery, even if it was just the inside of the hospital.

all snug in your wagon

wagon walk at night

checking out the fish tank in our floor lobby

Your sad little mantra during the whole stay was, "All done, go home". The nurses just had to look at you and this is what you said, while pitifully whimpering and trying to get as far away from them as possible. I felt so awful for you. Tuesday morning brought a little bit more hunger and you ate some Froot Loops (finally) for breakfast, and slowly but surely throughout the day you began to eat and drink more. With a little food in your belly, you began to perk up and by afternoon they were talking about discharge with us. We packed up and while it took a while to fill your prescriptions at the hospital pharmacy, Daddy decided to race you around the waiting room and lobby in the transport wagon, until we could finally get your medicine, hop in the car, and drive home. Upon looking outside, you said, "Where's the snow?" It all had melted in the two days since we had been in the hospital. I thought that was pretty perceptive for such a young thing.

Going back and leading up to the ultimate hospital visit, we had no idea what was coming our way. I did come home from work early on Friday, so that I could relieve Daddy and you could stay home from school with each of us. I guess I should have known something was out of the ordinary when you laid on me for a good 5 hours watching a bunch of different shows on Disney, including Monsters, Inc. Cute movie, with Boo reminding me of you on multiple occasions, with her little ponytails and garbled speech. You turned to me after the movie and said, "You came home stay with me?" and when I said yes, you wrapped your little arms around me and said, "Thank you Mommy!" You seemed sick, but still had that little spark of yourself in there. Hindsight is making me second guess everything now. I wish I would have taken you to the doctor that day, but I didn't. I thought your fever would eventually break, but it never completely did. I hope I didn't do anything to cause these complications for you. Logically, I know I probably didn't, but still. I wonder and worry...a mother's perpetual dilemma.

Going farther back into the past week, there were even less signs that you would be so sick by week's end. Upon picking you up at school on Tuesday, I found you snuggling with a buddy, Amoray, reading some books together. Ms Brandi told me you even were laying with your head on his lap at one point. My little cuddle bug. Then that night you decided you wanted to take a shower, all by yourself! And proceeded to sing Hannah Montana in the shower, at the top of your lungs. I have a great video of this ~ it is too cute. Once again, I really wish I knew how to upload videos here again. For some reason, it just won't work for me. Maybe one day. Even later still on Tuesday night, you, Dad, and I all boogied ridiculously to our James Brown CD, since you have recently fallen in love with "Get Up Offa That Thing" courtesy of your current favorite movie, Robots. Good times!

Wednesday you and Dad had a remarkable little breakthrough in the realm of "before school battles". Evidently, you have given Daddy a really hard time lately when it comes to turning off Disney when it's time to get dressed in the morning. Well, he explained to you what his expectations were the other morning, and lo and behold if you didn't stick to the agreement and even asked Dad to turn off Disney for you on Wednesday before school. He couldn't believe it and was so pleasantly surprised ~ smart kid!

That night, you and I made peanut butter pine cone bird feeders. You completed one of them, while I did the rest. I think you enjoyed licking the left over peanut butter more than actually making the feeders. But you definitely enjoyed watching Daddy hang them in the tree out front. And while I can't say that we have seen any individual birds eating the seed, by the end of the week, the feeders have been nearly stripped clean of seed and peanut butter, so someone is getting a treat!

sneaking a lick

rolling the peanut butter covered pine cones in bird seed

finished product, ready to hang!

Monday, ironically we had already gone to see Dr Dan for what turned out to be eczema on your back and belly. You were so funny on the way there too, telling me, "I talk to Dr Dan, my Dr, not yours". Then insisting on discussing and showing Dr Dan, all on your own, what was wrong. You cooperated so thoroughly with letting him inspect your skin and ears. My little "grown up". He was very impressed and treated you as a little adult too. It was really cute to watch. He also had his guitar with him again, an extra bonus. What a great and perfect doctor for you!

And finally, going all the way back to last Sunday, Superbowl Sunday. I have a few updates. On a funny note, I guess you were rooting for the Steelers because when the Packers made a touchdown, you cried out, "Oh man!!" several times, all on your own. It was quite hilarious.

On a more serious note from Sunday afternoon as well ~ I realized the difficult feelings and questions are possibly beginning to form, judging from your reaction to a photo album I put together for you about our trip to China for your adoption. What happened was that you found an album I had set aside with some keepsakes and asked to look at it. Of course I said yes, so you began going through all the pictures, insisting I sit with you while you did so. Eventually, you got to the pictures of our first few moments with you, during the hand off with the director of the orphanage where you grew up the first 16 months of your life. You decided that you did not particularly like to see the photos where you were crying, and began referring to yourself as "that baby", even though I was explaining that that was you. You also kept pointing out that I was crying in many of the pictures, and pointed out a picture of you and I in bed, with you sleeping on my chest and me kissing the top of your head. You looked at this photo in particular, kissed your hand, and then placed it on this picture. No matter how many times, or how many different ways I asked you what you were thinking, I wasn't able to get many details on what was happening internally with you yet. I tried my best to explain what was happening in each of the photos and then wondered if I am doing enough, or even if I am doing too much. I hope that you can come up with your own story for these, when the time is right, and that I am not filling your mind with too many details from my perspective, and not allowing you to have your own. I guess we'll play it by ear, and go day by day. Basically, we'll do our best and just have to see.

Anyway, jumping back ahead to the present, as I mentioned before, we are finally home and all settled in. Since we have been home, we've finished returning texts, emails, and phone calls to all the people concerned about you. One of whom being Great Grandma. Ggma was so scared when she heard that you were in the hospital, and when I called her before bed on Tuesday, she was very relieved to hear that you were feeling much better now.

Before bed that first night home, you were a bit cranky. Daddy and I thought you might have nightmares again, similar to what you went through last time you had to stay overnight in a hospital. So, I had a long talk with you about your feelings about being in the hospital, how scary it must have been at times, and how frustrating it might have been at other times. We talked about the different things that happened and why, and also how you are home now and it was just Daddy, Abby, and I with you now. No more nurses, doctors, or anyone else coming in to bug you in the middle of the night. You didn't say much, but you sure took in all that I was saying. Thankfully, you slept very soundly that night. Hopefully, no nightmares this time.

So, as exhausting as this past week has been, particularly the last few days...we feel refreshingly blessed that you are ultimately ok and that we live in this time in history and in the place that we do. So grateful to have such a wonderful facility as Children's Hospital, practically in our backyard. Thankful for all the talented doctors and nurses that helped mend you back together. Thankful for the love and support of family and friends who keep us afloat with their encouragement. And thankful for such a tough yet sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, intelligent, compassionate, and good-spirited little girl, who amazes us with her strength and love every day. (By the way, I could go on and on with adjectives describing you, but I'd be here forever...those were just the ones on the tip of my tongue tonight.)

So, goodnight Mali. Here's hoping you continue to regain your strength more and more each day...and looking forward to a "hospital-free" weekend, next weekend.

Love,
Mama